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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

....to think men are, sorry, but AWFUL

855 replies

TrainteaAnnie · 15/02/2023 08:03

Straight woman, mid thirties. Have had three 3 year relationships. Everyone one seemed like the 'nice' guy, the kind you can trust..
One caught with porn addiction, one found dm'ing other girls on social media, one outright cheated while drunk on a lads holiday.
I'm dating a lovely man now, but I honestly just had this feeling like... It's inevitable, at some point, he's gonna be like all the rest. I can't trust him although he's not given me reason not to.
And then there's life, every night I come on Mumsnet and read another horror story of some poor married woman, often with young DC completely blindsided by a discovery of infidelity. Or a woman married for 40 years to her best friends finding out he's used prostitutes for their entire marriage.
In the news, Megan Fox being cheated on. That horrid situation with Joe Westerman.
It's everywhere, endlessly. Men driven by their dicks ruining women's lives. Women who trust and love them. It makes me feel ok physically sick thinking about it all. I feel like I never want to talk to this guy I'm dating again even though, maybe 10 years ago, I'd be in love with him. I just emotionally can't do it anymore. Men are awful.

Help!

OP posts:
FrippEnos · 17/02/2023 20:26

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 20:24

Not many people want to work nights. Are you suggesting men are more selfless in taking on night shifts?
Because I think the facts are women work more nights, if you include looking after children as a job.
Although I'm guessing you only mean manly work

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Although I'm guessing you only mean manly work

More sexism from you. the hypocrisy is astounding.

FlissyPaps · 17/02/2023 20:25

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 20:12

I do feel for you and realise that not everyone's lives have mapped out the same. I have just had drinks with Husband and friend couples and had a really nice time.

Then again I will be accused of being smug.

I have had other things to deal with which I can't go into detail because I already think I've gave too away and don't want to be recognised.

Even though I've disagreed with posters I know everyone has different feelings.

I do dislike one poster who I hope I never come across again.

Show quote history

Then hopefully you now realise how comments like “I’ve met a great man. You just need to persevere” & “All the men in my life are great” are not helpful or encouraging.

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 20:24

FrippEnos · 17/02/2023 20:19

AdamRyan

What is bollocks is you twisting what I have posted.

I didn't say that women don't work nights, I said that those that come up with bat shit solutions like curfews don't want to work nights (etc.) and come up exceptions so that they wouldn't have to.

Even with these hypothetical solutions they are not thinking things through.

Not many people want to work nights. Are you suggesting men are more selfless in taking on night shifts?
Because I think the facts are women work more nights, if you include looking after children as a job.
Although I'm guessing you only mean manly work

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 20:22

@FlissyPaps I genuinely know loads that haven't.

But I have a wide circle of friends over a lot of years.

FlissyPaps · 17/02/2023 20:21

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 20:13

@Spiderboy not all women have been harassed

I genuinely don’t know 1 female (friend, family member, colleague) who has has never been sexually harassed or made to feel uncomfortable by a man.

FrippEnos · 17/02/2023 20:19

AdamRyan

What is bollocks is you twisting what I have posted.

I didn't say that women don't work nights, I said that those that come up with bat shit solutions like curfews don't want to work nights (etc.) and come up exceptions so that they wouldn't have to.

Even with these hypothetical solutions they are not thinking things through.

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 20:15

Off you

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 20:15

@GrinAndVomit

I have had more abuse of you than anyone since 29 years ago

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 20:14

Not all women have. You clearly haven't read the thread. Posters on here have loads of friends who have never been abused. You are just unusual.

And even women have been abused, its because they haven't spotted the red flags. If they were stronger it wouldn't have happened.

But if they did know how to spot the red flags, they would be man haters who would never find love and also put other women off finding love by mentioning the red flags.

So perhaps they just haven't met their Nigel yet.

I think that's what I've learnt from the thread 🤔

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 20:13

@Spiderboy not all women have been harassed

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 20:12

FlissyPaps · 17/02/2023 17:02

When women have been treated so poorly in the past by men and have been abused, assaulted and cheated on- reading posts like “I have met a nice man” isn’t really helpful or encouraging.

It implies the woman who have not yet met a nice man are doing something wrong. That they are not preserving. That they are choosing the “wrong” men.

Nobody wants a slagging men off thread. It’s incredibly childish and defensive to even suggest that.

Women are tired of being treated like shit by men. Society views women very differently to men. Statistically men are more likely to have a criminal record. Men are more likely to abuse. Men are more likely to murder.

So of course some women are going to slag off men. Sorry if that offends you and all the great men in your life.

Show quote history

I do feel for you and realise that not everyone's lives have mapped out the same. I have just had drinks with Husband and friend couples and had a really nice time.

Then again I will be accused of being smug.

I have had other things to deal with which I can't go into detail because I already think I've gave too away and don't want to be recognised.

Even though I've disagreed with posters I know everyone has different feelings.

I do dislike one poster who I hope I never come across again.

Spiderboy · 17/02/2023 20:09

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 20:04

Yes.
Also if you'd been bitten by two dogs, and were nervous, people would understand.

As opposed to telling you dogs that bite are really rare, they know loads of dogs that don't bite, and that you are just a paranoid and bitter dog hater who is damaging the world by distrusting dogs.

And why don't you want to hear how lovely their Rover is. He would never bite. You must have either provoked those dogs or been hanging out with feral street dogs that bite. Ridiculous to be scared of dogs.

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And yet you say most dogs don’t bite. Then why have all women been harassed?

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 20:04

Spiderboy · 17/02/2023 20:00

Yes, it’s a really sad world we live in. I don’t know a single women who hasn’t been sexually harassed by a man, and I know many who have been assaulted. People suggest stricter conditions for dogs who behaviour better than many of the men out there

Show quote history

Yes.
Also if you'd been bitten by two dogs, and were nervous, people would understand.

As opposed to telling you dogs that bite are really rare, they know loads of dogs that don't bite, and that you are just a paranoid and bitter dog hater who is damaging the world by distrusting dogs.

And why don't you want to hear how lovely their Rover is. He would never bite. You must have either provoked those dogs or been hanging out with feral street dogs that bite. Ridiculous to be scared of dogs.

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 20:02

@Spiderboy not on MN they don't!

They want all boys drowned at birth!

Spiderboy · 17/02/2023 20:00

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 19:00

All men? Don't be ridiculous!

Tags

Days when they are curfews for them

Jesus fucking Christ!

Show quote history

Yes, it’s a really sad world we live in. I don’t know a single women who hasn’t been sexually harassed by a man, and I know many who have been assaulted. People suggest stricter conditions for dogs who behaviour better than many of the men out there

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 19:56

Liz1tummypain · 17/02/2023 19:45

Most, or at least a high proportion of the unhappy relationship threads I see on mumsnet I'm sure would be reflected from the other side in a dadsnet type forum.

As for all the rape and assault that undeniably exists in the world, as in male perpetrated, yes we can't trivialise or minimise it. And of course women can rape and assault men. Still I don't understand why it has not affected me personally (yet). I'm sure if I knew exactly what my friends have been through, some ( perhaps a large number) have experienced it. Always going to be difficult to tell the true numbers.

All I can conclude is there are undoubtedly bad men and bad women in the world and luckily I haven't had to come into contact with too many

Most of the men in my life are lovely and wouldn't hurt a fly.

I totally agree 👏

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 19:56

@AdamRyan what's a dog license? I have a dog, have for 15 years, never had a license. I've got a driving license, a tv license, do they count?

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 19:54

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 19:50

Most of the men in my life are lovely and wouldn't hurt a fly.
Awww. Your nigels sound lovely

So do your Karens!

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 19:50

Most of the men in my life are lovely and wouldn't hurt a fly.
Awww. Your nigels sound lovely

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 19:49

And of course women can rape and assault men
Actually in the UK women can't rape men. It is a crime that requires a penis.

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 19:48

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 19:37

@AdamRyan so it's only after dark that attacks on women happen....................

Really?

GrinGrinGrinGrinGrin

As a supposed advocate for keeping women safe, I'm not wholly convinced this is good advice?

Just saying.

It's motivational so men start behaving. Act like an adult round women, or get sent to your room (house) until you can behave.

Women would have more confidence being out and about as the men would be licensed.

Actually maybe it's more like a dog license

Liz1tummypain · 17/02/2023 19:45

Most, or at least a high proportion of the unhappy relationship threads I see on mumsnet I'm sure would be reflected from the other side in a dadsnet type forum.

As for all the rape and assault that undeniably exists in the world, as in male perpetrated, yes we can't trivialise or minimise it. And of course women can rape and assault men. Still I don't understand why it has not affected me personally (yet). I'm sure if I knew exactly what my friends have been through, some ( perhaps a large number) have experienced it. Always going to be difficult to tell the true numbers.

All I can conclude is there are undoubtedly bad men and bad women in the world and luckily I haven't had to come into contact with too many

Most of the men in my life are lovely and wouldn't hurt a fly.

Findingapath · 17/02/2023 19:45

I remember realising this as a young teenager, when I watched an episode of Crimewatch and all the awful people on it were men, it suddenly dawned on how it was men that were responsible for so much of the crime etc.

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 19:37

@AdamRyan so it's only after dark that attacks on women happen....................

Really?

GrinGrinGrinGrinGrin

As a supposed advocate for keeping women safe, I'm not wholly convinced this is good advice?

Just saying.

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 19:35

@AdamRyan OMG penis license!!

At least you're proving to everyone that you're batshit crazy!

What age would you do the test, how often would it need to be renewed?

It sounds utterly fascinating and a real chance that it could happen.

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