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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

....to think men are, sorry, but AWFUL

855 replies

TrainteaAnnie · 15/02/2023 08:03

Straight woman, mid thirties. Have had three 3 year relationships. Everyone one seemed like the 'nice' guy, the kind you can trust..
One caught with porn addiction, one found dm'ing other girls on social media, one outright cheated while drunk on a lads holiday.
I'm dating a lovely man now, but I honestly just had this feeling like... It's inevitable, at some point, he's gonna be like all the rest. I can't trust him although he's not given me reason not to.
And then there's life, every night I come on Mumsnet and read another horror story of some poor married woman, often with young DC completely blindsided by a discovery of infidelity. Or a woman married for 40 years to her best friends finding out he's used prostitutes for their entire marriage.
In the news, Megan Fox being cheated on. That horrid situation with Joe Westerman.
It's everywhere, endlessly. Men driven by their dicks ruining women's lives. Women who trust and love them. It makes me feel ok physically sick thinking about it all. I feel like I never want to talk to this guy I'm dating again even though, maybe 10 years ago, I'd be in love with him. I just emotionally can't do it anymore. Men are awful.

Help!

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 15/02/2023 08:38

IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 08:19

I can imagine what reaction I'd get from the vipers on MN if I posted I'm happily married for 36 years, never cheated on, never abused. I'd get such abuse for snugness, bragging blah blah

Quite honestly if you read MN every night, you're only seeing people with the agenda of "I hate all men", often the same people having name changed because they've done fuck all about moving away from the relationship but want want lots of sympathy.

Stop reading MN and taking it as the real world.

Exactly 👏

BoxOfCats · 15/02/2023 08:36

Men are crap. I prefer my cats by quite a long way.

saraclara · 15/02/2023 08:35

Reverse the sexes and this could be the title of a post on an incel board.

BabyOnBoard90 · 15/02/2023 08:35

Bleakhouser · 15/02/2023 08:29

Read the news for a week and take note.

the OP is not the common denominator.

Show quote history

It's entirely sexist and false to suggest cheating is a man thing tbh, lots of women do the same

DoormatBob · 15/02/2023 08:35

The first thing that came to my mind was the post recently where the woman's husband had just found out she has been a secret sex worker for years!

A lot of the affair posts also have a married woman on the other side, or at least they know the man is married but they whip their knickers off anyway! MN is skewed that it is predominantly the female victim posting.

It must be a small percentage of affair scenarios where the female isn't aware and therefore could be considered a victim herself.

Moopsi · 15/02/2023 08:35

Luckydip1 · 15/02/2023 08:31

@Moopsi rather than trying to pick a fight, why don't you accept that people have different views and that is ok, I have never been misogynistic, but I am realistic and tell it as it is, sorry if that offends you.

We're not in the playground. I'm not "picking a fight". I rarely recognise posters but I remember your name having read some absolutely awful, and yes misogynistic, advice to a poster who found out her DH had been sleeping with a prostitute and you blamed the wife for not satisfying her husband.

Fimofriend · 15/02/2023 08:35

@PandasAreUseless I don't feel I pull my husband up. I feel that we support eachother and help eachother being the best versions of ourselves. But I am quite aware I am married to someone as rare as a unicorn 🦄. If something happens and we can't be together anymore I'll just be single.

plumduck · 15/02/2023 08:35

A quick Google brings up many articles saying actually women have started many wars

Luckydip1 · 15/02/2023 08:34

At the end of the day men like women and women like men regardless of our differences.

GoodChat · 15/02/2023 08:34

ClairDeLaLune · 15/02/2023 08:33

Which sex starts all the wars?

Bad sex.

plumduck · 15/02/2023 08:33

ClairDeLaLune · 15/02/2023 08:33

Which sex starts all the wars?

If more women were in positions of power are you saying there would be fewer wars?

GoodChat · 15/02/2023 08:33

Luckydip1 · 15/02/2023 08:32

@GoodChat and what is your opinion, men are all jerks!!!

No. That's not what I said. I said that OP needs to consider people don't post here when they're with good men.

Ofbollocks · 15/02/2023 08:33

There are lots of good men. The ones that cheat are doing it with women that are equally awful.
Press and social media only focus on the scandal. Everything's a risk, but you've got to live and try, rather than being afraid of what what might happen. It's important to maintain independence. I think this is the key.

ClairDeLaLune · 15/02/2023 08:33

Which sex starts all the wars?

Luckydip1 · 15/02/2023 08:32

@GoodChat and what is your opinion, men are all jerks!!!

GCAcademic · 15/02/2023 08:32

What is about 33% of British men have a criminal conviction.

I just googled this as it seemed so unlikely, I thought it couldn’t possibly be true. Fucking hell. It is.

And let’s not forget the vast numbers that get away with rape and sexual assault.

NAMALT, but most are.

Luckydip1 · 15/02/2023 08:31

@Moopsi rather than trying to pick a fight, why don't you accept that people have different views and that is ok, I have never been misogynistic, but I am realistic and tell it as it is, sorry if that offends you.

GoodChat · 15/02/2023 08:31

@BabyOnBoard90 that's literally what your post said.

GoodChat · 15/02/2023 08:31

Luckydip1 · 15/02/2023 08:29

@GoodChat are you on here to respond to OP or do you just want a fight with another poster?

I responded to the OP with a sensible response not "oh yeah women should just let men treat them like shit and not complain."

It'd be nice if you could use a bit of common sense.

BabyOnBoard90 · 15/02/2023 08:31

GoodChat · 15/02/2023 08:29

Yeah OP it's clearly your fault these men are cheating scumbags Confused FFS...

Show quote history

Strange conclusion the reach but that's your opinion. Not sure why quote me though

bloodyplanes · 15/02/2023 08:30

Op i completed agree! I have had two horrible long term relationships with liars and cheats. I have come to the conclusion that all men are ultimately vile! I am happily single and intend to keep it that way forever! A man who doesn't cheat and lie is as rare as rocking horse shit!

PandasAreUseless · 15/02/2023 08:30

My DH, who I've been with for 18 years, is a seriously good egg. So are many of our male friends. I'd probably be happy enough with most of them actually.

But every woman I know, including me, is pulling the man in their life UP.

My forward planning and diligence is why we own a house and have savings. I'm the reason my husband eats healthily (even if he cooks - its me pushing for healthy choices) and doesn't drink himself to death. I've pushed him to make career choices which have been beneficial for him. And so on.

And yes, women can be dicks too. But the overwhelming majority of the violence, depravity and corruption out there is due to men.

Luckydip1 · 15/02/2023 08:29

@GoodChat are you on here to respond to OP or do you just want a fight with another poster?

BloggersBlog · 15/02/2023 08:29

plumduck · 15/02/2023 08:07

Lots of women are awful too

Not the point of the thread stating the ruddy obvious, the OP did not say "Men are dreadful and every woman is fantastic"

@TrainteaAnnie YANBU to generalise like this. Yes, some are great - but the majority are not

Bleakhouser · 15/02/2023 08:29

BabyOnBoard90 · 15/02/2023 08:27

And people will still deny there's a significant man hating population on this forum...

OP, in your experience with men you have to make peace with fact that you are the common denominator. Hence you have a degree of control and influence. If not trusting men is what you need to do to be happy, then have at it.

Read the news for a week and take note.

the OP is not the common denominator.