....to think men are, sorry, but AWFUL

I know men who have behaved very decently too. I should imagine the vast majority of us do. Threads like this are not about anyone's individual dad or husband though, they're about behaviour shown by some men a lot of the time and many men at least some of the time. Plus the extremes of the most heinous behaviours humans are capable of, which are either exclusively (rape) or disproportionately committed by men. The fact that you or I might have a lovely dad, or that some women do bad things too doesn't mean there's not a huge problem with male behaviour that has no parallel with women's behaviour.
I have good men in my life too but they wouldn't expect me to come on this thread defending them or trying to pretend women are equally culpable for the violence and harm in the world. They know who they are and whether the things said apply to them or not, and wouldn't take it personally if the cap didn't fit. They understand why women have negative views of men, because they see the behaviour of other men and know they have grounds.

My husband and my brother are my best friends. I have two infant sons.

It’s not about all men being bad. It’s about recognising that a lot of men are bad and furthermore, dangerous, in comparison to women.

It’s about not shutting down conversations that are uncomfortable to hear.

It’s about not always having to concern ourselves with “how does that make men feel when we say this?”

It’s about trying to get to the root of the issue instead of ignoring, defending or excusing it.

It’s about not belittling women who have had negative experiences and want to talk about it.

I would suggest you avoid threads like this in the future if these conversations make you uncomfortable and/ or angry.

I loved my Brother a lot too.

I get that.

I punched my bf too so that makes me violent (at that moment) too. The reason he probably didn't punch me back was because my Mum came downstairs to see what the hell was going on. My Dad is not a violent man but he was very angry that my bf was treating me badly. So not good behavior from anyone that night.

I think from my experience I have seen both sides to having a relationship with a man. I'm not trying to be smug or strong. The fact that my DH helped me through a massive bereavement and has given me the best 20 years of my life I just felt defensive.

I don't know what the answer is or how to stop these awful men who treat women this way and give the nice men a bad name.

It is all very sad and if I've offended anyone I apologise.

But surely you must see that there are women who wouldn't consider themselves 'lucky' that they had violent men on their side to protect them against other men? That many would be horrified at the thought of living in an environment of such toxic masculinity where their father felt the need to assault their partner and men need to be 'protective' of their female relatives? Many of us aspire to a more civilised way of life where no one feels the need to assault anyone. What you see as positives many would see as further examples of men being 'awful'.

I don't think it's necessarily men in modern times. I think all of this kind of stuff has likely been going on decades, but the rise of social media has meant that its a lot more visible these days. And also just to say, women can behave like this too.

The ones I seem to meet, well it always goes the same way. Despite trying to safeguard my feelings somehow they managed to find a way in. I beat myself up for exercising caution because it doesn't seem fair to them when they have done nothing to deserve it, I let my guard down just a little then bam they get what they want from me ( or they don't and maybe that's the issue) and the messages /phone calls dry up. Suddenly they are physically and emotionally unavailable leaving me trying to work out what I've done wrong. Am I misreading the the situation/being unfair. And despite my best efforts the pull back usually makes me realise just how strong my feelings for them were and I'm left feeling like I lost something/someone I never really had.

The one time I tried to pick a more sensible stable choice which took 15 years of my life I didnt realise til It ended just how much of myself I'd shut off just to get through it. I should have remained shut off I guess though because I think i just repeated the first scenario

(I’m being polite here).

Thanks.

I don't think it matters what I say now as you are very angry.

I think if anyone who is unsure about getting into a relationship with a man then you are the right person to put them off of ever speaking to a man again never mind dating them.

There is no point in any other posters saying there are good men out there.

No I know there are good ones. I also know that you don’t know which ones are good. Sometimes you don’t find out for a really long time. Sometimes you don’t find out until you’re pregnant or married to them.

What I do know is, women speaking about how amazing the men in their life are as if it’s reflection on other women because they’re making poor decisions or not being strong enough or being paranoid is very unhelpful (I’m being polite here).

You’re dismissing the undeniable imbalance of power males have over females. You’re equating your good fortune with being strong and “being lucky I guess” smug grin and shrug of shoulders

As someone who sees, on a daily basis, the sometimes fatal outcome of male on female violence, I find your dismissive and smug attitude to be revolting.

In your mid thirties all the decent ones are spoken for / gay or are truly awful and therefore single
by the time you get to mid forties / early 50’s the divorced but decent ones start to emerge

I’ve got a decent late 40’s chap. They are out there ( kissed a few frogs tho)

I thought you might.

So you work in domestic violence and you believe that there are no humans with a penis that are actually good people?

I work in domestic violence. I’m really not the person to be lecturing on this.
Even in a faux ignorant/ concerned voice.

That is really sad and I realise not all women are as strong as some.

So sorry that I have found good men and you haven't

A couple of your highlights from just this one page

I'm really not. If you are worried about her why don't you help her leave him?

That’s exactly what you’re saying in a very arrogant and very ignorant and very passive aggressive, smug manner.

I didn't mean that.

If you are angry that your Mum is being treated badly but she puts up with it I can understand. I don't mean she is not strong but why does she stay with him?

I'm probably going to get a load of abuse now.

Why on earth have you mentioned Megan Fox? Because she's very beautiful? So beautiful people shouldn't have relationship problems? Maybe Megan and MGK are both bad for each other, maybe their personalities aren't suited? Maybe they have realised that sexual attraction alone doesn't make a great relationship.

My sibling is incredibly beautiful, has had relationships with many celebrities and very handsome men and even has Hollywood Actors in her contacts. But she is a perpetual dater - unlucky in love with men who constantly cheat on her and treat her like shit - because she allows them to. She goes for good-lucking guys who like having power over her, who love the attention of other women. They have all had awful personalities. Her priorities/traits in a man are not great IMO. Until she changes that she's going to keep falling for the same awful type of partner.

There are great men out there, there are great women out there. They just haven't found each other yet.

So all the women who get murdered AFTER they leave their partners are just not strong enough?
Jesus. You’re so clueless

I think you are deranged.

Your last two posts made me laugh out loud.
Thank you

You have an attitude problem. I was trying to be nice. So sorry that I have found good men and you haven't.

I meant I got rid of him because I told him to fuck off out of my life and he begged me for ages to go back and I moved on with my life. I didn't put up his shit. I got rid. I have never been treated bad since.

You have some serious issues.

You didn’t get rid of him because you were strong.
You got rid of him because he didn’t decide to punch you back and because you had the back up of another male.
This wasn’t a test of “strength”

I think one of the big things is there are far more women who are relatively content with a nice home, a family and enough to be ok , without needing a constant sexual buzz or scheming (in not good ways) to make more money , rather than just working hard and moving up. I think there are large swathes of men who are naturally restless, always looking for a sexual hit , or booze or a money hit (gambling, crypto etc). They don't get that the majority of women don't want this in their lives. That's why hard working and loyal men without a ton of major vices stand out

That is really sad and I realise not all women are as strong as some.

I ended up punching my ex in the face. Then the very last time he was horrible to me my dad ended up punching him and that was it - gone! We don't usually behave like this by the way.

I suppose when you have had nearly all men being protective over you like my Dad, my two Brothers, Granddad and now my DH it is hard to hate men. Even I broke up with the first man I lived with we parted as friends.

So yes, I have learnt from this thread that I'm lucky in some ways.

I'm going to carry on trusting my DH though and if it all goes tits up then I will have to deal with it.