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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

....to think men are, sorry, but AWFUL

855 replies

TrainteaAnnie · 15/02/2023 08:03

Straight woman, mid thirties. Have had three 3 year relationships. Everyone one seemed like the 'nice' guy, the kind you can trust..
One caught with porn addiction, one found dm'ing other girls on social media, one outright cheated while drunk on a lads holiday.
I'm dating a lovely man now, but I honestly just had this feeling like... It's inevitable, at some point, he's gonna be like all the rest. I can't trust him although he's not given me reason not to.
And then there's life, every night I come on Mumsnet and read another horror story of some poor married woman, often with young DC completely blindsided by a discovery of infidelity. Or a woman married for 40 years to her best friends finding out he's used prostitutes for their entire marriage.
In the news, Megan Fox being cheated on. That horrid situation with Joe Westerman.
It's everywhere, endlessly. Men driven by their dicks ruining women's lives. Women who trust and love them. It makes me feel ok physically sick thinking about it all. I feel like I never want to talk to this guy I'm dating again even though, maybe 10 years ago, I'd be in love with him. I just emotionally can't do it anymore. Men are awful.

Help!

OP posts:
ashitghost · 17/02/2023 02:14

Yanbu

I’ve been single six years and men kind of repulse me now.

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 01:51

@FlissyPaps I'm sorry your struggling to see the posts of women trying to silence women, whilst telling them not to say (on AIBU, on an open forum) that it's not helpful to say not all men are awful.

The irony.

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 01:50

DoomedForLoneliness · 16/02/2023 21:35

For those who know so many decent men.
What is that, what makes a man decent to you?

The reverse of what OP says about what she's experienced?

An equal partner
A good friend
A person I can trust
Wanting the best for us (aka our family)
Loyal
Kind
Trustworthy

I am sure that will be picked apart, I'll have left something out and it will be jumped on that I'm lying or accepting low standards.

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 01:45

@Clarabell77 of course not, he's a total cunt obviously!

Honestly, why have you not questioned any of the others on here saying that their experience is that men are awful.

You'll come on saying but I don't mean all men, but anyone who says otherwise is to be doubted?

If I doubt anyone who says every man they know is awful, I'm victim blaming.

So, cards on table you think I'm lying?

Why?

Can I suggest, for example @FlissyPaps is lying? Intimate that I doubt her with a, is that really true?

So, to be believed, I mustn't respond, because well "thou dost protest too much" and if I ignore you "well you didn't even bother responding, because you've no defence".

Is it really beyond your realms of understanding, that he is good (not allowed to use the term lovely, pp analysed that as wrong) and we are happily married etc?

I'm sure you'll be back or one of the AMAB crew to pick over what I've said, analyse it as "odd", I'm saying it all wrong.

Far be it from other women to accept that I'm able to be happy and believe that NAMAB? I'm clearly being forced to put this. 🤷‍♀️

Clarabell77 · 17/02/2023 00:10

IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 19:39

My DH doesn't HTH!

Show quote history

Really though?

PartridgeInAChair · 16/02/2023 21:43

AdamRyan · 16/02/2023 21:39

Op already doesn't have faith in men because of her experiences. I don't think me saying anything will change that.

I prefer to support women by acknowledging men can be shit, than gaslight and victim blame by saying its all about her choice and shes somehow attracting wrong uns

I have already acknowledged men can be shit. Going down the gloom and doom road is not helpful. Encouraging her tvat not all men are shit give her the choice of dating still or not.

PartridgeInAChair · 16/02/2023 21:40

AdamRyan · 16/02/2023 21:39

Op already doesn't have faith in men because of her experiences. I don't think me saying anything will change that.

I prefer to support women by acknowledging men can be shit, than gaslight and victim blame by saying its all about her choice and shes somehow attracting wrong uns

As I say don't ever be a therapist!

AdamRyan · 16/02/2023 21:39

Op already doesn't have faith in men because of her experiences. I don't think me saying anything will change that.

I prefer to support women by acknowledging men can be shit, than gaslight and victim blame by saying its all about her choice and shes somehow attracting wrong uns

PartridgeInAChair · 16/02/2023 21:38

AdamRyan · 16/02/2023 21:18

So you think hearing that your husband (already spoken for) is nice will restore OPs faith in men?

Show quote history

Don't ever become a therapist!

PartridgeInAChair · 16/02/2023 21:37

DoomedForLoneliness · 16/02/2023 21:35

For those who know so many decent men.
What is that, what makes a man decent to you?

Same as my women friends except they have a penis. They are just human beings. Kind, funny, hardworking, fun to be with etc.

PartridgeInAChair · 16/02/2023 21:35

AdamRyan · 16/02/2023 21:18

So you think hearing that your husband (already spoken for) is nice will restore OPs faith in men?

Show quote history

It's as if you don't want OP to have faith in some men. There is more than my DH who is nice. I actually don't know where you are coming from.

DoomedForLoneliness · 16/02/2023 21:35

For those who know so many decent men.
What is that, what makes a man decent to you?

AdamRyan · 16/02/2023 21:18

PartridgeInAChair · 16/02/2023 21:02

Saying all men are not awful is helpful. It is letting OP know that even if she has had some awful experiences there may be someone nice our there for her.

She can then decide if dating is worth it or she doesn't want to.

Show quote history

So you think hearing that your husband (already spoken for) is nice will restore OPs faith in men?

PartridgeInAChair · 16/02/2023 21:02

FlissyPaps · 16/02/2023 16:19

No woman is trying to silence other women here.

Telling someone that “Not all men are awful” is an unhelpful and pointless statement to make is not trying to silence women.

Show quote history

Saying all men are not awful is helpful. It is letting OP know that even if she has had some awful experiences there may be someone nice our there for her.

She can then decide if dating is worth it or she doesn't want to.

FlissyPaps · 16/02/2023 20:49

IndiaDreamer · 16/02/2023 20:30

The person I quoted when I said it originally, if you scroll back you'll find it.

Show quote history

I’m also struggling to see how any post on here is trying to silence women?

Could you quote it please.

IndiaDreamer · 16/02/2023 20:30

AdamRyan · 16/02/2023 20:25

What was the point that was being silenced india?

The person I quoted when I said it originally, if you scroll back you'll find it.

AdamRyan · 16/02/2023 20:25

What was the point that was being silenced india?

IndiaDreamer · 16/02/2023 19:41

AdamRyan · 16/02/2023 19:32

Anyway india what would you like to say?
Your ds and dh are lovely therefore OPs title is incorrect?

Technically true. I doubt anyone actually thinks every single man is awful. I love my man very much.

I think OP was actually asking if she was unreasonable to be wary of her new boyfriend, given how many men have treated her and her friends badly in the past and what she reads on MN. I don't think she is BU. Whether or not men in my life or your life are decent is hardly relevant.

Well OP is dreadfully inarticulate then!

IndiaDreamer · 16/02/2023 19:33

@AdamRyan I appreciate you're pointing out the very likely untruths in this thread...... if taken most of it at face value but as you've said, it's not really likely to be total truth. Anyone can put anything on the internet to try to prove their point.

AdamRyan · 16/02/2023 19:32

Anyway india what would you like to say?
Your ds and dh are lovely therefore OPs title is incorrect?

Technically true. I doubt anyone actually thinks every single man is awful. I love my man very much.

I think OP was actually asking if she was unreasonable to be wary of her new boyfriend, given how many men have treated her and her friends badly in the past and what she reads on MN. I don't think she is BU. Whether or not men in my life or your life are decent is hardly relevant.

AdamRyan · 16/02/2023 19:27

IndiaDreamer · 16/02/2023 18:48

GrinGrinGrinGrinGrinme defensive! You've got about a 100 posts on here

Show quote history

Hardly lol

IndiaDreamer · 16/02/2023 18:49

AdamRyan · 16/02/2023 18:42

You are being very defensive. I didn't name anyone. Just pointing out not everyone is who they seem on t'internet

If makes you wonder if some are making up stories to make men seem bad doesn't it 🤔!

You know fuelling stuff?

Very well pointed out...

IndiaDreamer · 16/02/2023 18:48

AdamRyan · 16/02/2023 18:42

You are being very defensive. I didn't name anyone. Just pointing out not everyone is who they seem on t'internet

GrinGrinGrinGrinGrinme defensive! You've got about a 100 posts on here

AdamRyan · 16/02/2023 18:42

You are being very defensive. I didn't name anyone. Just pointing out not everyone is who they seem on t'internet

IndiaDreamer · 16/02/2023 18:36

@AdamRyan oh course we had

It's not women posting
I'm wrong to use the term lovely and not good (I mean FFS how dare anyone question my terminology, how ridiculous is that Grin)
Im deluded
And 100 other things wrong with my saying my man at DSs are lovely!

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