Are mums more attached to their babies than dads?

Which got me wondering... my DH has to go back to work for long days 2 weeks after our baby is born. It may involve some overnight stays sometimes. No-one will bat an eyelid at this and obviously DH will miss us but it's not a big deal. My friends partner had to work away for 3 weeks at a time when their baby was born and again, that's just his job.

It can take 6 weeks or more to feel ' 'normal'again. Bleeding, tears,stitches, thrush, cystitis, mastitis, wetting yourself, pulled muscles, bad back, hormones, baby blues and more. I would say not ready for these reasons not because you can't leave the baby. It's a big shock to your body that Dads don't have.

Hormones make a big difference. You have grown this baby, gone through a hugely physical and emotional birthing process and then need time to heal. I think nature naturally makes a mum want to stay and protect the baby but dads don't have the same physical response as they haven't physically gone through anything.

Everyone is different. I've heard of mums who went away for a week when baby was 6 weeks old. I do think they are in the minority though. With my first we went to a local pub for a meal for our wedding anniversary. My cousin was babysitting and we were 10 mins away walking. After 45 minutes we had eaten and just sat looking at each other... we both agreed we needed to get back. I wasn't comfortable being away from our son for so long.

I suspected that would be the case

I found the Paris thread. It wasn't unanimous at all. Some said go, some said wait and see how you feel, some said go and take the baby, some said they would not have been ready.

I would say men can be generally more selfish when a baby comes along. They find out that babies cry and are extremely hard work and when we had our first I found my wonderfully caring husband doing anything possible to not be anywhere near that. Longer working hours and going to the pub a million times with mates new and old to ‘celebrate’ becoming a father - the irony!

Not an isolated case, either. It was interesting to see pretty much all of my friends going through the same: their husbands/ partners started going to the pub frequently and regularly, working longer hours, taking up hobbies, deciding that they should start going to the gym few times a week.

I don't think mums are more attached than dads, it's the societal norm for dads to go back to work and mum to take maternity leave. The hormones post birth can make it feel really hard and make some mums not want to leave the baby, dads don't get that hormone rush.

Fwiw I left my baby with my mum overnight when she was 3 weeks old just so I could rest. I imagine a lot of people would think that was bad but it was what I needed. Myself and DH went on hol abroad for 2 nights when dd was 3 and I found it really hard but so did he as we were so far away. Ultimately, you won't know how you'll feel until baby is born and you can only do what's right for you and your family, other peoples beliefs are not really important as each experience is different. Good luck x

I agree. Plus in the case of OP's birthday trip, the baby wouldn't be left with someone they know as well, they'd be left with a grandparent. That will also get different answers to one parent going away and leaving the baby with the other parent.

I guess this comes down to who is the main caregiver, which due to biology usually falls to women. That responsibility ultimately makes you feel guilty and/or worried about leaving them. Kids will then be more hardwired to be upset about you going too. In my house my husband can be working all hours and the kids barely notice, but if I go anywhere too long there’s upset. So I guess most men aren’t quite as affected by guilt at missing out as they might not have as much ‘doooooooooon’t goooooo!’.

All differs in each family though.

I’m also amazed by how many men can leave their own family easily too. No way could I leave my kids.

In short yes if you are BF as you'd be their only source of food. Bit different if you are planning on bottle feeding only

MN is odd, absolutely zero harm in going away a few hours or an odd day. Competitive parenting at its worse.
Since men don’t carry the baby for nine months they generally are not as attached.

In general, yes mums are more attached to their babies. I think it's a natural biological reaction. When breastfeeding was the only option, mums were essential to the baby's survival and dads weren't.

My boyfriend has full custody of his kids and I’d dispute their mum loves them more, I mean she walked out when one was 6 months old. Women are judged (often by other women) for leaving their kids, especially babies when men don’t bat an eyelid

I can’t believe that was the consensus on those threads.

No mums are not closer than dads to their babies unless the mum & dad have made it that way by their actions from birth onwards.

The problem is this societal message of a mystic mother and baby bond and the old patriarchal trope that mum knows baby best. The pressure on mums to be 24/7 with their newborn is immense. And then if you do this, every day you are not handing baby off for equal time with dad is a day you are making this into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Babies bond with whoever cares for them from birth onwards. If you want dad to have the same bond as you, then you have to start with dad being equally hands on from birth. This can be done even if breastfeeding, as the actual time feeding is very small and dads can hold a fed baby to sleep.

Bonding question aside, you are talking about two different kinds of overnight trips. Birthday/hen do trips are optional, work trips usually are not. Of course you are going to get different feelings about whether you should go or not. The comparator would be whether mothers who go back to work after a short maternity leave go on overnight work trips - and yes, of course they do if it’s a requirement of their job.

I think you should just wait until the baby comes and then see how you feel rather than overthinking everything now