Fed up with partner choosing the gym

And if someone told me to give up an entire day doing my hobby at the weekend because they thought there was crap I didn't need in my drawers they'd be told to do one! He's an adult and you're not his keeper. As for the tip run does an entire day have to be sacrificed just for that? You sound quite needy and controlling. Do the tip run yourself when you have the time!

OP - if you take away the jobs he hasn’t done, and the fact that you do more, how would you then feel about the gym/eating late thing ?

Gym most days and a 7.30 dinner is pretty much our lives, saying you "can't wait" makes you sound like a little child. You have no kids, you have loads of flexibility you don't have to do anything at any particular time!

Eat dinner at 7.30 and do the wardrobes after. Sorry sounds a bit flippant but I don't think he will change.

He sounds selfish. Kids and marriage with this man is probably not a good idea.

Why don’t you go to the gym together? We both go 4-5 nights a week here and eat dinner 7:45-8pm. It’s too long to wait if you have nothing else on and you are bored but if you’re busy you don’t feel at hungry and it’s a perfectly acceptable dinner time

Him going to the gym isn’t a big issue. You doing everything in the house is a big issue. I would stop conflating the two. He needs to start organising his hobbies around his share of the necessary daily tasks in the house.

bloody typo’s. Tip and Bonkers

I don’t see the problem, I train 5 times a week, we eat dinner together most nights, about 8 ish. I think you both need to talk about your expectations. It sounds like you are over reliant on him.

I wouldn’t give something up to go to the top, that’s bonnets. Just go another day.

I go to the gym 5-6 times a week. Keeps me fit and I like it. There's no ulterior motive. My partner can have hobbies too. Sorry but yes YABVU. Sometimes I go with my partner why can't you go with him? And 730 is a very normal time to get home and have supper

You are lucky - you are getting a look into your future if you stay with him. This is as good as it's going to get. You've made it easy for him - you are the housekeeper with benefits. And you are helping to pay the bills. The only fly in the ointment is you are a nag about him going out and pleasing himself - so he will moan about that to his mates and become resentful.

Did he refuse to build the wardrobes? Couldn’t you have arranged a day when you were both free to build it or did he keep putting it off?

I don’t think the gym is the issue, it’s quite normal to go to the gym 4/5 times a week (if the gym is what you’re into!) If he isn’t pitching in with cleaning that needs to be addressed separately, but he can always do it after the gym and/or on the days he’s not at the gym.

7:30pm isn’t all that late, would you consider having dinner then at least a couple of times a week?

Sounds like you don't like working from home! And why are you doing so much more ? Shouldn't you be working?

You just sound incompatible. Neither one of you is necessarily unreasonable.

He's showing you who he is, and you don't like it. FFS don't marry this man, and don't have his kids. If he won't prioritise you as his girlfriend, he's certainly not going to when you're his wife.

To me - 7.30pm is a pretty normal time for adults to be eating dinner - but if you can't wait, there's nothing stopping you from having a snack mid-afternoon and eating dinner together when he gets home.

You say you're busy doing all this stuff around the house, but surely you're not building wardrobes and cleaning out your bedroom every night? Two adults can't make that much mess, especially when one of them isn't even home all day.

I think you've fallen into the trap of relying on him for company now that you're WFH and not really socialising or seeing anyone during the day. You have no DC at home, so why not go out in the evenings and do something for you?

He doesn't need to give up golf to go to the tip and clean his drawers out - he's not a teenager who needs to be told to clean his room!

I go to the gym 5/6 times a week. I usually go later at 8pm or at 6am because it's not as busy but I go to a crossfit gym 2/3 times a week and sessions are usually 6.30pm so we usually have dinner later on as I don't want to be exercising with a full stomach. Sometimes DH has plans right after work and doesn't get back until later. We just have dinner whenever suits and not necessarily at the same time every night.

I assume he goes straight from work because that's more convenient. Can you not just have a slice of toast or a snack to keep you going then have dinner when he's home? I WFH too and I usually have a bigger lunch a bit later to keep me going until I have dinner.

7.30pm isn't that late and unless he goes to bed at 8pm there's plenty of time to do some of the household stuff.

Why are you waiting around for him? Maybe you need to find yourself a hobby to keep yourself occupied. I don't think him having hobbies is a bad thing. You can't expect him to be at your beck and call constantly.

There has to be some give and take. I don't think you should be expecting him to give up the gym or golf but in the same respect if there's stuff needing done at home he needs to make time for that. You both need to compromise. I know I wouldn't be happy if my DH expected me to give up the gym because it affected his dinner time. And vice versa.

You need to think very carefully before you have kids with this man.

As you spend more time at home it's normal that unfinished stuff bothers you more. He is put and about and doesn't see stuff needs to be done.
It would be worth sitting down and working out what you both want from each other and if in the long run you are compatible. I mean if you like being at home and he likes being out you will struggle!

7.30 is a normal time to get home!

Huh this isn't a relationship why you staying?

I think in these kinds of situations it's more about the way you request something that changes how it is received by someone... for example;

Instead of asking him to not play golf and go to the tip, you could say "we've got a lot of stuff built up that needs taking to the tip - when do you think you might be free to tackle it?"

Honestly don't see a problem with him going to the gym 4/5 times a week, especially if there's no children to do bedtimes with etc.
Maybe you could have more going on hobbies wise for yourself so you're not at home waiting around for him?

It sounds like you just need to sit down and discuss your expectations of each other and try to reach a compromise. I also don't think 7.30 is that late - could you have a light snack to keep you going so you can eat with him? Can he agree to take on certain tasks to split things evenly? Can you agree on having a protected date night where you both have quality time together and the other nights you're both free to enjoy your own time as suits? If you have kids then it's different but as two adults living together I think it's reasonable to have hobbies and interests but I think you might need to get some of your own that get you out so you aren't sitting home waiting on him?

Could you join him at the gym? It’s good that he wants to keep fit. This would turn it into a positive.

I wouldn’t change my exercise routine for a partner if there are no children at home tbh. I also wouldn’t be doing everything at home. I don’t think 7.30 is especially late to get home and for most of my working life this is when I would usually have gotten home. I wouldn’t take kindly to someone ordering me to cancel things to go to the tip or particularly to clear out drawers, as that sounds like a parent talking to a child to me. It sounds like you are both at cross purposes. Do you usually communicate well? It doesn’t come across that way. If you set the stall out you will do everything at home you’ll make a rod for your own back. You need to divide things fairly, but no it’s not reasonable for you to ask him not to go to the gym just because you want him at home. Tbh it would make me dig my heels in.