Fed up with partner choosing the gym

Well don’t do all the house work then? And do the other things together after 7.30? Why not join him at the gym. Sorry but you sound very needy. I love when my partner goes out and I have time alone… and I certainly don’t do housework then

That's a stupid comment. Of course they do. Clearly you don't, but you don't speak for everyone.

They do! I do.

I think you are too reliant on him. YABU for doing all the housework as well. I think the dynamics of your relationship are changing to you acting like his mother, doing all the mundane work, asking him to come home early for dinner, wanting him to cancel plans with friends, and in turn he is acting more like a child and less like a responsible adult since all the housework is done for him. You need to gain some independence, divide housework equally, get a hobby. Go to the gym yourself. Do something with your evenings and weekends rather than waiting around for him.

He is an adult and can go out whenever he likes and shouldn’t have a curfew (if you don’t have DCs to look after).

Most people don’t get home until about 6 even if they leave straight from work.

However, the housework etc should be 50/50 and you shouldn’t be doing the majority just because you are home more often.

You’re either being a martyr or being walked all over.

Tell him X needs to be done and wait until he does it.
Share out there jobs and do not do his for him.

When do you go and do your hobbies?

I go to the gym 5 times a week, every week.
It's a non negotiable and saves my sanity but I do it at times that work around DH and 3 kids but I absolutely would not change it for anything and my DH knows it.

Think your BU to expect him to change something that's good for his physical and mental health

Both of us do that many gym visits plus sometimes a hobby at the weekend too ... I know loads of people that do it. They're not having affairs. You see him from 7.30 most evenings.. That's loads of time! I'd find you suffocating, I don't think you're both on the same page...

Clearly a troll.

I've already done spin and weight training today and I'm just about to go do crossfit.

My dad's 67 and goes to the gym 5 days a week, sometimes twice in the one day. He bowls at the weekend.

There's always one

And FYI, lots of childfree people do their hobbies everyday. It's very normal.

Or maybe it's because it was January last month. Loads of people have a health kick in January.

The last month partner has been to the gym 4/5 times a week

How often did he used to go? Do you think he's doing it deliberately to avoid anything that might resemble a chore? How's the relationship generally? How long has he been playing golf?

Sorry for all the questions, it's trying to get a feel for the dynamic here.

While hobbies are fine, they're not if they're being used to avoid either work or a partner. I can understand why you say I'm fed up of almost being second best and waiting around for him to be free. It does sound like possibly you're not his priority anymore.

What?! Yes they do! Some people are in the gym every day!

I’ve never eaten at 7:30. It’s always done and dusted by 6:30.

I’d be pissed off if l were you. What’s the point being in a relationship if you don’t see much of each other?

I wouldn't cancel going to golf with friends to do a tip run either

I think you need to arrange a date night once a week. He probably thinks if he hasn't got plans with you he's free to do what he likes. But i think you feel by default he should be spending the evenings with you

You work from home and appear to be lumbered with the housework and cooking;he golfs at weekends and goes to the gym on weekdays.

You're his glorified housekeeper.

Do not have kids with this man;he'll already showing you he won't do an equal share and thinks his time is more valuable than yours.

I wouldn't have an issue with the gym. However, I would expect him to contribute equally to the upkeep of the household. I wouldn't be sitting at home doing all the cooking, cleaning, laundry and admin. He needs to do his share. Also if he can't do his share now he will never do it when you're married / have kids.

Sounds like he's having an affair if he is spending that much time away from you. NO ONE, not even gym junkies go that many times. Plus weekend of golf? I'd be asking who she is.

It’s normal for partners to have hobbies. We are child free and do all sorts- football, gym, cycling, language classes, dog training, late night shopping. It’s part of the joys of being child free!

Drop the rope at home- stop washing, cleaning etc. Do something you enjoy instead! Get a cleaner if you can afford it? (Given he is playing golf I suggest you can!)

Why don't you find yourself a hobby too? Sounds like you spend far too much time at home!

I would not like it if my partner asked me to give hobby at the weekend after a week at work to go the tip or tidy up. That is unlikely to go down well. Surely he can play golf and fit the tip trip around it? It’s not an either/or.

Also as others have said 7:30pm is a reasonable time to get home after a day in the office. If he was strolling in at 9:30/10pm everyday after going to gym / pub without coming home first then I’d be more concerned.

Has he always gone gym like this? My partner and most his friends have a usual routine of going gym 4/5days a week after work, he has done since before he met me. It's quite common for gym goers to go so often, you can't ask him to change this if this is something he's always done

I dont think the gym is the issue provided that he isnt then knackered and not doing anything else. Eg chores shouldn't fall to you since you're at home more. Is that an issue? If so can you sit down and see what chores you're each responsible for and its up to him to ensure his are done (rather than just falling to whoever happens to be around?)

I am sorry but I don't see a partner problem here. I am reading this as you don't have childcare responsibilities then I don't see the gym 4/5 times every week as an issue. Pre children that was pretty much my routine and I am starting to ramp back up to it.

Why do you want them to tidy their drawers? surely that is up to them ? Dinner is at 8 at the earliest for adults here and we all manage - perhaps have a snack earlier?

I am reading this as controlling - perhaps I am missing something regarding responsibilities or an expectation for the work to be done solely by you? I wouldn't cancel golf/day with friends for a task that can be done pretty much anytime. As I said perhaps I am missing some information?

I agree with a PP that you shouldn't conflate the gym with him.not doing things around the house.
I think its reasonable to ask when he will get some house things done. But unreasonable to dictate his weekend to him and boss him around.
It is also ery unreasonable imo in your situation, with presumably no children, to suggest that he shouldn't be going to the gym so much and should be home before 7.30!!! If a partner said that to me, I would be leaving them pronto!!! You're not attached at the hip, indulge some of your own hobbies in that time rather than doing all the housework

So I think YABU about the time he gets home from work and the gym. I do not even go to the gym and do not get home until 6:30-7:00pm. Husband gets home at 4:00pm. So naturally he does have more time to do bits and bobs around the house and he always waits for me to get home to have dinner together. I used to go to the gym 2 or 3 times a week after work and he’d happily wait an extra half hour / hour so we can have dinner together.

You are at home working from home so I don’t know how you are having all this time to do bits and bobs and building wardrobes but to be fair I’ve never WFH.

The only thing I agree on you with is that he should do more around the house and make time to do more, I wouldn’t necessarily tell my husband he can’t go golf as I want him to go tip to be honest but I would tell him that I need him to go to the tip within the next week or something like that.

It sounds like you both need to compromise a bit more and be more understanding to one another, maybe you should try and get a hobby of your own or wait to have dinner together and maybe he needs to pull his finger out more!