Fed up with partner choosing the gym

OP what kind of life do you have outside of the relationship?

not sure why this seems to be the trend nowadays, but you can’t just do whatever you want all the time when you’re in a relationship. it is 50/50.

my last relationship ended because my boyfriend started going to the gym 24/7, wouldn’t help with anything at home, and i felt like i never saw him. you should want to be at home with your partner, or out doing things with them.

if you wouldn’t change your routine at all for your partner then you shouldn’t have one.

Exactly! I used to go the gym everyday before I hurt my back. I’m sure there are lots of people that do.

Honestly the golfing every weekend would be too much for me unless it was done really early in the morning and home by noon. Otherwise I feel like it eats into our time together

What do the two of you do when he does have free time of an evening, if he wasn't at the gym I mean?

Surely him getting in at 19.30 isn't bad, he can crack on with his jobs then, but he obviously just prefers to leave it to you. I think its healthy that 2 people continue their hobbies with a relationship, for me, this is bout his lack of respect for you as he's not doing his share of the jobs. The hobby is a bit of a red herring.

He can also do a tip run and play golf surely, if he wanted to, he's choosing not to, I would say his time is prioritised for his hobbies not the housework but by getting home at 19.30 he has time for both. He's Just opting out.

If he wanted to do that, then he would.

It's not upto OP when he goes to the gym.

I don’t separate anything and only do bedding once fortnight. Would never buy delicates. Lifes too short!!

“All his free time” 🤣 he gets home at 7.30 not 11.30!

DH and I go to the gym together. we have the Nanny look after the kids. it has brought us much closer.
I can thoroughly recommend this x

Why should he?
There could be any number of reasons why he goes after work

He prefers to go after work. He’s allowed to prefer that. OP does sound very needy.

He could but why should he?

His current routine leaves plenty of time to do 50% of the chores associated with a two adult household.

It's totally fine for OP to expect him to do 50% of the chores and help with building cupboards and a tip run.

It's not ok for her to demand he changes his established routine to her liking and cancel his plans to do a tip run precisely when she wants him to.

They need to allocate chores between them fairly and then be allowed to decide how and when they complete their own duties.

If my DH had demanded I report home for chores immediately after work every night before we were even married let alone had children. Demanded I cancel my plans with friends to do an errand that could wait exactly when he wished me to- I would have left him for being controlling!

@StarsSand he could go in the morning before work.

That's different for so many reasons and not really relevant.

It's normal to go to the gym after work. It doesn't make sense to come home, eat dinner very early, do chores and then head back out to the gym later in the day when you are more tired. The gym is probably closed by then and I doubt OP would be any happier about her partner heading out again at 9pm every night.

There are also a lot of health benefits to exercising that just don't apply to gaming.

Unless they are running a farm or something I don't see how there could be so many chores that two childfree unmarried people are morally obligated to be home and doing chores immediately after work and then also on the weekend.

I have children and a job. My husband and I rarely start doing chores or cooking our dinner until the children are in bed at 8pm. We are out most of the weekend at children's sports and birthday parties. The chores still get done.

@StarsSand also would you be as supportive if the hobby was gaming for example? I am sure not. you would say he can game once all the jobs are done

@StarsSand depends on how many other chores there are and how much your partner helps out. by the sounds of it the partner uses all his free time for his hobby so OP is dumped with all the house work. Depending on property this could be gardening, hoovering, daily dishes (not everyone has a dish washer my first flat certainly did not), mopping the floor, dusting the surfaces, food shop, cooking, and doing all of the bigger house jobs too. I am sure OP would love to swan off to a hobby but can't as things would never get done if she did not do it

That's still not daily washing. And it's not so time consuming people need to stop their hobbies and rush home to do it.

No one ever home at 7:30. Maybe it’s because we live in the north. DH commutes for 50 mins.

Maybe.

I teach until seven (university). I have a 40 minute commute.

I get in after 7:30. Dinner is waiting for me.

@Lcb123 , and @GrumpyPanda

it's easy to get at least 4 loads a week. Bedding, blacks, colours, whites, wool/delicate/any special care items that is 5 loads per week.

This!! We’re two adults only - sometimes one wash per week 😂

You lost me at "washing daily." For two unencumbered adults, that's batshit. By all means distribute necessary work, such as shopping and cooking, equally. But otherwise - work on getting a life of your own rather than engaging in obsessive routines like daily washing.

@Lcb123 nothing wrong with hobbies. what is not OK is prioritising your hobby above your partner and shared home.

@Dishwashersaurous not that many healthy meals only take 30 mins of cooking or prep work. would more likely be eating at 8:30-9:00 which is then very late

Horrific advice 😂 what a boring life. We both have a multiple of hobbies-shared and individual. Very happy marriage

You sound pretty incompatible