Friend wants to stay on our couch for 3/4 weeks

This!! How much nerve do some ppl actually have. Definitely say no and move on.

Off you fuck would be my reply. Or say it’s an expensive setter and you don’t want anyones sweaty body on it.

This and all the other good replies posters have suggested.
If you feel pressure just keep in mind he just wants to use your toilet because you have no stairs to get there. That’s so shitty of him. If it wasn’t for this I bet he wouldn’t have contacted you. He’s no friend and neither is his gf.

They both sound horrible. I’m glad you’re sticking up for yourself. I still think you’re being too nice. But it’s a start. You and your dp should remove yourselves from the group and block them. They’re parasites.

If you see then in person and the comment, smile gently and say , "i am glad you have managed to get some help.!"
Just keep being polite and do not bite,

OP, I think you've done SO well here. You have really started to sort through the issues and plan a clear, emotionally-healthier path ahead for yourself. You have been your own hero

YANBU.

I take it the CF's not in his dotage, he can stay in his own home and bum it up and down the stairs to the loo. AND/OR keep a pee bucket downstairs.

that I’d been over sensitive

Why are you even for one moment considering having the person to stay for one height, never mind an extended period of time. Please, in the kindest possible way, catch yourself on.

Focus on the things that enrich your life. If that is too much of a stretch, allow yourself to do one favour for this person per annum. Make it clear that that is their lot.

If you find yourself offering more, remind yourself of my words. I promise that once you get the hang of this, your life will be so.much.better.

His girlfriend then said I was acting like a really mean girl she’d known in the past.

The friendship was over long ago I think; I’m just convenient to them. If I’m starting a family then I need to look after me and mine. I’m not losing anything.

Well that tells me not only is his gf a bit of a b**ch gaslighting you for being distressed at cruel comments by their friend who cornered you, but also meh you know they see you as convenient to use when it suits them and also that was a Ridiculously entitled ask for you to let him stay at yours!!! He's got his own place and his own gf!
^
You're right to focus on your own family. Once you become a parent your BS radar for users^ fires off quickly !!

The friendship was over long ago I think; I’m just convenient to them. If I’m starting a family then I need to look after me and mine. I’m not losing anything.

Write this out and stick it on your fridge.

@Feliciacat

You did well to say no
And not get dragged into becoming his personal servant /hotel/ full time carer when it suits them

Please take note that they haven't replied and be wary that as you offered to help again (whhhhyyyy?) evenings and weekends that they may try to overuse this

If you feel the friendship is one sided and that they use you, and don't actually care about your needs, your wishes and it's all very one sided taking from them, then take a stance and be unavailable

I always love to ignore a text from user acquaintances and reply 4 days - a week later with an "sorry, busy, didn't see your text, hope you got it sorted" (It works for so many situations and favours that you don't want to get drawn into ) Then I leave any reply from them on unread for another week and if it was another favour request I respond similarly with "oh dear, hope you got it sorted. Good luck" or "I'll come back to you and let you know if I can, next few weeks are so busy ..."

I can do this all day

It prevents anyone saying I'm 'not helpful' or 'kind ' but also means I'm unreliable and unavailable for those I spotted are users who would take take and never be as kind themselves nor put themselves out as they'd expect of me.

Sorry to sound harsh, OP, but as Elsa said, it's time to 'let it go'.

You must be a good person to still be caring after the lack of friendship he's shown you for so long. There is nothing to save because he is not your friend.

Leave the Whatsapp group and stick to 'can't help' if he follows up.

Mostly, move on, without a backwards glance, away from him and his nonsense.

Well done OP. I would ignore any future messages. It's time to cut that 'friendship' loose.

These people sound horrendous. Get rid now.

Please don't offer any more help 'in the evenings' this is not what friends expected of each other, family maybe but not friends. Do not give an inch with the absolute CFs. Do not let him stay even for a night, ghost them.

This. It would be the hardest no in the book from me.

Entirely predictable.

Tbh you already know he wants more than a couch for a few weeks.

That's just the "in" to have you feed him, do his laundry, be his taxi and personal nurse for a month or more.

The request was a piss take from the off.

Delete you and your BF from the group and don't think twice about it.

They certainly don't care about ignoring you for weeks until the next big "ask".

You'll feel much better when you take action to just remove all ties to these people.

To change what I wrote - both you and your partner should leave the group. You don’t need to say although it will show up on WhatsApp. Block their phone number too so that you avoid them contacting you.

Just add in that you and partner are leaving the WhatsApp group

Going silent is a tactic which would typically compel someone to backtrack to avoid losing the friendship.
As you've seen, they are no friends of yours - and certainly not family. My family would have taken the head off anyone who made cruel comments to me when I was TTC /had miscarried. That's what family do. So they failed at the first 'family' test.

Well done OP. You have done the right thing to get your values clear and in good order ready for your future family. All credit to you for that. Good luck !

just the thought of him sweating all over my sofa is enough to put me off. Well done OP for standing up for yourself. I also wonder if you would have been offered any money for food and bills!

Personally I wouldn't even reply to his message and block him

I'd be very happy if you never saw this person again!

Well done op.

You have asserted yourself and they won’t like that as they see you as a door mat.

It’s a weight off your shoulders to let go and sever any ties with them.

They are not genuine friends, I would take the next step and block them on everything in case they decide to be abusive towards you.

yes

Just block them already.