I’m 45 and due to do this next week

😂Hardly.

I just don't happen to agree with your take on her post!

As do many other posters.

For a start, she wasn't very clear on her question.

That appears to be 'Is 45 too old to have a baby'.

Some will say yes, some will say no, some will quote experiences of themselves or friends.

All pointless.

50 is way too old sorry. Imagine having a primary school age kid in your 60s - not good for anyone concerned.

I would do it. There’s not that much age gap with your older DC, and if you don’t do it you’ll never know whether you might have been able to.

As you’re asking, I would. As you’re an older mum your DD would benefit from a sibling in years to come.

My kids are 5 years apart and they adore each other. Have always got on really well. I think it's a nice gap. The older one is starting school when the little one is born, so you have 'baby time' in the school day then make the after school time for the bigger one. I thought it gave the best of both worlds to both of them (and me!)

It's a no from me. Would not be having a baby at 45-46. No way.

hello there

I do find the range of opinions interesting. I think I sense a lot of strong ideas about what “too old” is…. There’s a lot of hypothesising - of making statements about projecting forward to “dealing with this and that” in your sixties or seventies.
none of us know what next week holds, let alone years from now, and the best laid plans can go very awry.

of course this decision has to be your own.

my thoughts would be - if you are considering it, you want it. So do it. If you love being a mama, do it. This would be from my own experience.

I am 41, mum of five, my youngest is three months old. She has had issues and currently has an ng tube in situ and has struggled to gain weight. Case in point. I fully expected to simply breastfeed my youngest successfully yet the journey has been totally different. But I kind of expected the unexpected as my experience with five kids has taught me that. My eldest is a teenager and has autism and mental health issues and her care is full on. I home educate my kids and am a full time stay at home mum. I am busy off my feet day and night, exhausted and with no “me” time.

I wouldn’t change it for the world. I love my mummy life and my kids and I love having babies and being their mama as they grow.

would I have another baby in four years? Absolutely.

the age debate is kind of pointless - I know excellent mothers with tons of energy in their forties, and exhausted mothers who are overwhelmed in their twenties. And vice versa. I’m often overwhelmed but I’m also doing the only thing that makes sense to me. I have no worries at all about being busy with my family into my sixties and seventies and beyond. I fully plan to live to at least a hundred anyway!

i wound say that I prefer my older mummy self to my younger one - I have more experience, am more chilled, and I did not find pregnancy at 41 even one bit harder than pregnancy at 28.

all the best, no matter your decision.

love.

You’ve totally missed the point of mumsnet.

But she'll be in her 70s by the time her child is at university or starting their career. It's a lot to put on a young person.

That’s how people make decisions, by asking others to share experiences.

The embryo was frozen at 39 so the risk is the same as a 39 year old not a 45 year old.

well, sorry but that's exactly what I think she's asking.

It's irrelevant what I or you would do!

We aren't her.

Our lives aren't hers.

It is silly to ask anons what they would do.

Go for it. I regret not having another baby after my son was born. I was 41 but should have done it again. Unlikely you will regret having another baby but you may well regret not doing it.

i think you should go for it! If you don’t you might only wish you had and then it’s too late. Hope if you do go for it it’s successful…. 🌸

Honestly, OP if you need to ask, you are not ready for child.

It's a bit like someone asking if they should marry someone.

You either know you want to, and if you need ask, then it is best you don't go ahead.

A close friend of mine had a baby at 50 and she's coped fine, she's a great mum.
She is financially very secure though so I suppose that helps. I had mine in my early 30s and didn't have a pot to piss in, so pros and cons.
Go for it.

She clearly isn’t expecting that, she’s asked what would you do. I’m sure she’s not expecting a mumsnet pole to make her fertility choices.

Since you want another DC and this is your one final throw of the dice, I'd do it. If you don't, you'll always wonder 'What if?' and if you do, well you'll either have a baby or you won't, but at least you'll know you tried and gave that little ball of cells and your family, that chance.

How do you expect anyone to make such a decision for you?

It's between you and your partner (if you have one.)

Id do it, there’s clearly a good chance it won’t work out, but then atleast you’d no. Simply disposing of it would probably leave you wondering forever. You say 42 would have been ideal, is there really that much if a difference?

If you can emotionally handle the upset if it doesn’t work out, I’d give it a shot.

4.5 with my single and my twins, now 7 and 4. They have their moments 😂😂🙀 but who doesn't. But the love each other. They play together. They steal each others toys (both ways I might add!!). One day when they're 17 and 21 and they need an adult to get into a club, or they're 23 and 27 and he needs groomsmen at his wedding, or they're 45 and 49 and you can't even tell the age gap, what will it matter?

I’ve recently had a similar decision to make, although a couple of years behind as I’m 43 and DD is 3. We have one frozen embryo and, after a bit of soul searching, decided not to go ahead after coming to the conclusion that, pretty much, the main reason we’d be doing it is to give DD a sibling because that’s what some parts of society expects us to do. And personally, I don’t really think that’s a good enough, single reason to have a child - to provide the existing one with a potential playmate. Neither of us feel like our family isn’t complete, or have an urge to have multiple children so that was that really.

If your DD is 4.5 and you’re not pregnant yet it can’t be less than a 5 year 3 month gap, and I was rounding up more towards 6 years as you said you hadn’t even been for the appointment to discuss yet. I’m not sure that there is much practical difference between 5 years and 6 years though; why do you feel it’s important to clarify, does it feel like a big difference to you?

My kid with winky genes was conceived when I was 33, so not "old". The twins I had at 38? Chromosomally normal. This "if you're old your child is LIKELY to be AD" isn't accurate. Your risk is increased by being 39 yes, but it isn't the shatteringly high % people like to claim.

My friends Chromosomanally wonky kid was the one she conceived at 26ish, healthy child early 30s. The one she had late 30s has complex medical needs due to her birth and the hospital. Not maternal age. It's all a bloody lottery.

In your shoes, I couldn't live a lifetime of what if. I'd try. If you wouldn't want a disabled child, there are tests and options. If it doesn't happen, it wasn't meant to be. If it does, we'll you'll only be a, few months older than my sister who's due to give birth in the next month or so. Baby is fine, she's having the same issues she had with her first pregnancy 24 years ago.

🙂 True!

And those who witter on about coping with a teen in your 50s - I've bloody loved it!