Page 5 | I’m 45 and due to do this next week

Original poster

Lifejustfliesbydoesntit · 11/01/2023 14:23

@OhMonDieux Why are you on this thread if it’s clearly annoying you, it’s ok, just move onto something else

OP posts:

LlynTegid · 11/01/2023 14:21

Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

Bellaboo01 · 11/01/2023 14:21

Lifejustfliesbydoesntit · 11/01/2023 11:35

Go for an appointment to discuss whether to transfer my final frozen embryo.
After struggling to conceive for 9 years, many losses and ivf rounds, I finally got pregnant at 39 and now have a beautiful 4,5 year old daughter. I just turned 45 and have to decide now whether to use my frozen embryo from when I was 39, if successful I would give birth at 45.
What would you do?

I wouldn't but, that is me and a decision that i also have made.

This is your decision though and only you know - if you want another child/ If you are healthy/ If you can afford it/ and all the other implications in your life.

Good luck - whatever you decide :)

54isanopendoor · 11/01/2023 14:20

Lifejustfliesbydoesntit · 11/01/2023 11:52

@1Wanda1 If it didn’t work, I would leave it there. I’ve prepared myself for the fact it probably *Wont work
It’s my remaining one, I wouldn’t continue with donor eggs etc, I’d accept it wasn’t meant to be.

If that's the case (& you can afford the health, time, £ etc) then I'd give it a try.

You put a lot of effort into creating that embryo. You won't try again.
So, why not see what happens?

LightHousePanda · 11/01/2023 14:20

Would you regret not doing it? There really isn't much more time to decide. I'd go for it. You already have a young child so it's not like there will be that much difference in terms of how your life is structured.

redskydelight · 11/01/2023 14:17

Curledupwithagoodbook · 11/01/2023 13:52

You said yes, I do want another child

There's your answer OP, it doesn't matter what anyone on MN thinks, you want another child. Wishing you all the luck in the world

People should not have children just because they "want" them.
(Although they absolutely shouldn't have children if they don't want them)

They should think (as OP is) about the home situation they are bringing the child into, their own ability to care for them, and the impact on other family members including other children.
And ideally the list of things posted by *AccessThePond" as well.

QuantumWeatherButterfly · 11/01/2023 14:16

I get where you're coming from, OP - my DD was an IVF baby, a first-and-only-cycle-jackpot. At the time, I was gutted we didn't have any viable embryos to freeze to try for a second, specially because you find out whether anything can be frozen before you find out whether the transfer that just happened actually worked. Now, though, I'm glad. I know, and knew by the time DD was 2, that I didn't want any more. But if we'd had a frozen embryo, I would have felt that we had to try

Wibbly1008 · 11/01/2023 14:16

Do it Op - live a life with no regrets !

GardenTool · 11/01/2023 14:15

My friend did this at 47 and had her beautiful 2nd DC at 48 ❤️

Good luck with whatever you decide.

quietnightmare · 11/01/2023 14:15

Do it. You will spend your life thinking what if if you don't. Maybe a baby will come of it maybe a baby won't come of it but it's the things you DONT do in life you regret

ohdannyboy · 11/01/2023 14:12

If you don't - you'll never know - but are you emotionally ready for it not to work - and emotionally ready FOR it to work x GL

Ryanstartedthefire2 · 11/01/2023 14:10

I'd for sure do it. Why not.

Coffeellama · 11/01/2023 14:10

OhMonDieux · 11/01/2023 14:09

And for good measure this thread isn't really for AIBU. It would be better in fertility, pregnancy , parenting.

What is your issue? We get it, you don’t like or see the point in this thread!

OhMonDieux · 11/01/2023 14:09

And for good measure this thread isn't really for AIBU. It would be better in fertility, pregnancy , parenting.

Whynowwhynow · 11/01/2023 14:09

Go for it.

I had my third at 45. My other children were 3 and 2 at the time. Life is busy as I don’t have any family help but I’m ok with that.

How do you feel about having another at 45?

On MN there will be two camps, those who say go for it and those who say you must be mad to. Only you can decide.

WinterFoxes · 11/01/2023 14:08

That's a tough one. I think I probably would. But before you do have a hard think about the practicalities, not just the ideal version of the outcome.

You will be menopausal when they are small. You may be fine but many women find they are hit with a wall of unbelievable exhaustion and volatility which isn't ideal with a small child. (You could of course go onto HRT)

You will be mid sixties before they become an adult. Moody messy teens when you are at the point of retirement and want your life to yourself again.

But your daughter could have a sibling. You could have a second child. There is no doubt that having DC late in life keeps you young. We were older parents but know a lot about music and comedy and political issues which might otherwise have passed us by.

OhMonDieux · 11/01/2023 14:07

Her qn was v clearly stated at the end. What would you do, in the context of her circumstances. Would you go for it, would you not go for it?

@SleepingStandingUp She doesn't tell us her circumstances, only the age of her child and how old she is herself.

There is a HUGE amount we simply don't know.

How fit she is (is she healthy, active, or not?)
Is she in peri menopause, so it all might be harder anyway?
Does she work? (Could she afford to stop work or does she want to?)
What are her finances?
Does she have parental support ?
Is her home big enough for a 2nd child?
What does her H want?

I didn't have a child at 45 nor wanted one then.
What I'd have done in her shoes may not be what she'd have chosen to do.

BloodAndFire · 11/01/2023 14:07

Bridgeth29 · 11/01/2023 13:38

You only regret the things you don't do. You wouldn't regret a child.

Wow, this is so, so wrong.

adriftabroad · 11/01/2023 14:06

No. At 45 I was one person, at 52 (a young 52!) I am now feeling older. 2 of my close friends have died at 50/51, recently.

Count your blessings. Menopausal with a young baby or toddler is not fair on the DC IMO.

BloodAndFire · 11/01/2023 14:06

PurpleButterflyWings · 11/01/2023 13:37

100% agree. Funny, isn't it, how on Mumsnet there seems to be multiple dozens of posters on these type of threads that have had babies in their 40s. (At least two babies.) And they know of at least a dozen people who had two or three babies after the age of 42, even a few at 50+.

And yet in real life, nobody that I know had baby at 49/50 or older. I've known three people in my life, who had a baby after 45 (two at 45 and one at 46 actually... Literally just three people.) The vast majority of people I know have babies at less than 41/42. Most of them whilst in their 30s. (or 20s.)

And I have different circles of friends in different social classes before people come up with that stupid line ' IN MY SOCIAL CIRCLE people have 2 or 3 babies in their 40s,' or 'they don't even have their FIRST baby til their 40s...!'

In real life, in the real world, very, very few people have a baby after the age of 44-45. If you were to believe some people on here, you'd think half the women in the country start having babies at 42-43, and are still having them at 49-52!

People also come out with the line 'MANY women had babies in their late 40s and early 50s before contraception.' But we all know it was their daughter's baby in the vast VAST majority of cases.

I also think it's strange that a thread like this pops up virtually once or twice a week on mumsnet.

Show quote history

People also come out with the line 'MANY women had babies in their late 40s and early 50s before contraception.' But we all know it was their daughter's baby in the vast VAST majority of cases. Wink

It always amazes me when people say this with a straight face about their grandmother/aunt/great-aunt/whatever. Do they really not realise?!

SleepingStandingUp · 11/01/2023 14:04

Dramaalpacas · 11/01/2023 13:54

I don’t know. I think the people you need to speak to are the 50s and over. How would they feel about having children to bring up? At 40 I have a 12 year old going through massive teenage dramas. I cannot imagine doing that when approaching my 50s or 60s.

It's a loaded qn tho. If you ask Angie who's 52 with a 12 yo DGS she's likely to say no because she's been parenting for 32 years and has moved past that. I think it's mental as much as physical.
However I'll be 52 with an 18 yo and two 14 yos. My friends from school and Uni so same age will have kids from 17-12 yo. My sister will have kids from 33-8yo. My friends and I will have different experiences to Angie, different life experiences and expectations and my sister will have a totally different one to us all.

Cas112 · 11/01/2023 14:04

I would take the opportunity and let fate do it's thing

Scared201 · 11/01/2023 14:03

I have a friend who had her last baby at 45, that wasn’t through IVF just caught out.

Completes the family and pregnancy was a breeze for them (obv not always the case and not always dependent on age)

Biggest question is in 10 years will you regret if you don’t do it? Will you always wonder what if? If so go for it then you can move on with your life either way the outcome.

Tumbleweed101 · 11/01/2023 14:01

Yes, I would. Your current child isn't too much older than this one will be so you won't be. If you had a huge age gap then I'd have reconsidered my answer.

TheGlitterFairy · 11/01/2023 14:00

Same scenario here last year - one frozen embryo left and I would have been 45 too. Have DS 18 months now from a FET too plus countless numbers of treatment rounds/ surgeries prior to this success.

DH and I decided to give it a go and see what happened as didn’t want to have any regrets of not doing later down the line. It was a difficult decision to make but ultimately we decided it was now or never.
As it happens, we got to a transfer but the embryo didn’t thaw as well as it should have done and so it didn’t work so that’s it for us and we’re looking to the future in a positive manner.

I think if you may have regrets of not trying then give it a go - you have nothing to lose!