I’m 45 and due to do this next week

I must say I think that all the encouragement people generally make to “wait for the right time” and “make sure your home/finances are in order” before ah h g a baby is not a viewpoint I share. I’m aware that’s quite left field of me - but I’m a big believer in going for things and if it’s meant to be it will. I think you can plan and plan and plan but firstly plans go awry, and secondly, for me having kids isn’t about a plan - they aren’t investments of pieces of furniture, they’re pure magic. X

45 isn't too old if you are keen and healthy. The egg is of a 39 year old so no additional risk related to your age. It's only a couple years older than you were planning.

@Lifejustfliesbydoesntit i say go for it!

In your shoes assuming that I could afford it I would absolutely do it. I struggled ttc DC2 for 7 years (took ages for DC1, got there in the end). Couldn't afford IVF, finally (to my shock and delight) had DC2 at 45. Best thing ever. If I could wave a magic wand I would have been 10 years younger (so that I'm around for them longer, plus ideally I would have wanted one more but that ship has sailed) but you get what you're given and if you have the chance and want it I say go for it. You don't want to wonder what if/regret not trying.

Honestly I’m going through the exact same dilemma except no IVF. I’m about to turn 42. I have a 14 and an 11 year old but always wanted a third but hubby would never agree. He’s finally come around to as financially we are at a point where we could do it. But I’m old and our other 2 are old. I have no idea if it would even be possible. But we have flip flopped over the last year so much I have whiplash. I feel for you. It is a hard decision without a crystal ball.

I had my first at 45 and my second at 47...they are now 8 and 6 and are great. I love being a mum and whilst I would have preferred to have been a younger mum that wasn't on the cards for me.

Feel free to PM me - if you have anything specific you would.like to ask OP.

Do it ! And best of luck I really hope it works out for you. If your still fit and healthy and think 45 is ok . Personally 45 is my cut off age for having kids but parents can get ill at any age . Don’t leave it then have regrets. 💐

Sorry,11/12 year old

Maybe someone has asked up thread but the fathers age is also a factor?

if he is younger than you then great. I’f he is much older that could present more problems.

Very good point of the big age gap between siblings if, as a 50 year old mother, you were hoping for a15year old to play with your toddler!

Further to my earlier message - there’s six years between number one and number two, then I had three more! Yes it’s a big gap, but anything can work, and although their needs are very different with an age gap like that, it’s not a bad thing to be aware of your kids’ different needs. The younger child might have to get dragged to things a bit, but even these moments can be turned into something good if you let go of perfection.

Are you in good health ? Your partner in good health ? For some reason recently I know about 4 men who reached 50 and seemed to hit major health issues. Their wives all look and seem really young still. 2 of them have really young kids and their wives are having to do all the work really.

Why have you waited 4.5 years from having your previous child to consider having another?

I would have done it a few years ago to get them closer in age, and for you to be younger. I would probably feel like the ship had sailed now for siblings to play together, and the younger ages stages to be done at once.

The first 3 of my 4 children are ivf, so I understand the longing for a child. I’m 50 now, with 4 teenagers, and one of them, the 15year old is TORTURING me, with his teenage bullshit. I can’t wait for him to move out, and for me to get my life back. You’ll be 60 when this baby will be 15. It’s absolutely exhausting when the teenage years are tough.
You’ll be unable to contemplate early retirement or downsizing until much later. in my opinion, and only because you asked, I think you’re too old x

"People should not have children just because they "want" them."

FFS, that's exactly why the vast majority people have children!

Only on mumsnet...🤦🏻‍♀️

There is a part of me that gets this. But equally who decides what situation is perfect for a child. What if we're a harsh judge of our situation?

We're well off and I think kind but my husband works a lot and I get anxious, is that ok? My energetic friend got pregnant at 20, probably too young. My friendly calm other friend was 41 and overweight, poor, didn't feel healthy, probably too old. I think we're all good parents with advantages and disadvantages of our own. My friend who has less money gets stuff from carboot sales etc..

Are we saying only perfect people in good health, the right mood, well off should have kids at just the right time (aged 26-35 I suppose)? And then if those people have kids but get ill are they no longer ok to be parents.

I think the most important thing is that you love the child, take care of their needs and find a way to manage the situation you're in. If you think you can't or don't really want them best not to have kids.

Go for it if you think you will regret not doing it, it’s easy for people who haven’t difficulties conceiving to comment on your age but it’s your life. On my last chance I got pregnant at 47 and it is harder as you don’t fit in so much with younger parents etc etc but you don’t live your life for them!

I had my second when I was just turning 43, and personally I would not recommend it, no.

No I wouldn’t but happy with one dd. Peri menopausal at 46 and felt awful couldn’t imagine a newborn too.

But she has asked so either answer the question if you want to or don't. Why do you think you are the arbiter of what can be discussed on MN?

OP, I had my second at almost 43. The pregnancy was slightly harder than my first at 37 but apart from that no age related difference. I do worry a bit though about being in my fifties with fairly young children and how it will feel to be as old as some of the kids' grandmum so at the school gate even though I know that it's not really important. I wish I was younger but that's not how life has planned out.

If you and your dh are fit and healthy I'd go for it if you are very keen on having another one. If you are not don't do this for the sake of giving your older one a sibling. I think for the older one there are as many disadvantages to getting a sibling as there are advantages though individual cases may differ of course.

Anyway, with my second I felt that if I was healthy enough to carry a pregnancy to term then maybe I was healthy and fit enough to be a parent.

No. I don't think it's fair on the child, and I think it's way too old. They also won't have as much time to get to know you when they're an adult as when they're 20yo, you'll be at least 65, and when they have children of their own you're not likely to be around as long to see them grow and to offer support. It's cruel and selfish, imo.

Also, as you age you're more likely to suffer ill health, which means you could struggle to care for them and they'll feel obliged to become your carer. Yes, that can happen at any age, but it's more likely as you get older, so you're doing it in the full knowledge of that, which is selfish.

I would definitely do it. I had my second child at 42 . He’a 18 now and it’s all been great so far

I was in your situation at the age of 46. After 10.5 years ttc, we had DD by IVF when I was 42. It was a difficult birth and I was scared of using our frozen embryos in case the same thing happened again and put off making a decision until the deadline was looming, but I also felt that I needed to have closure re the embryos by giving them a chance. We went ahead and it resulted in DS.

The age thing has not really been a problem - I was almost 47 when he was born and am now almost 59) although retirement is now a long way off (if ever! - but I think you do need to consider factors such as your health, your partner's views, and if you are able to take the risk of the new baby having health problems if the transfer works. Your embryo is younger than mine were (ie mine came from eggs taken when I was 41/42) so the chances of problems are a bit lower but still need to be weighed up as part of the decision-making process.

FWIW my DS is my "bonus baby" and I can't imagine life without him.

If you'd like another child and you're mentally stable enough to go through the process/possibility of it not being successful then I'd say go for it! Otherwise you might always wonder 'what if?'

Sorry to hear that 😞 I took it a little tongue in cheek like my sister's drive me mad at times but we got in ok most of the time. I don't know your situation but some people are annoying, you never know what you're going to get as a child or sibling or what life will throw at you.