Boarding school

They just get to spend barely any time in it!

Oh, so you do put your career before your children... because you decide that you want to earn enough money to live a certain lifestyle...

And just because a child is at Boarding School doesn't mean they don't have a loving and stable home...

There was a thread on here around Christmas time from a house parent. It was a very interesting AMA thread. She had worked in many boarding schools. The thing that stuck in my mind was her saying that the level of mental health issues in the 'all boys' schools she worked in was enormous.

.. why were you in their bedroom anyway? I'm amazed you were even allowed in the Boarding House let alone their bedroom...

Also, just because you would have hated it, doesn't mean every person would... :/

No I am but there for every pick up because I have to earn money to have a roof over our head and food on the table not at all comparable to sending my child away so I can continue with my chosen career

I am there to provide a living a stable home day in day out

My inlaws have sent their kids to boarding school. We dropped one of them off to their dorm one time, it was a large room with 7 beds shoved in. I thought it was terrible no privacy for them even when they were sleeping. They were 14. I road crying on the way home and it wasnt even my child. I couldn't do it. Thinking of me at that age i would have hated it. The gas thing was that one of the top secondary schools in the county was only a 15 min bus ride from their home. Not only that they know no one in their local town. During the hols etc wouldnt go to the local discos or apply to the local sports as they said they knew no one. All their friends are scattered around the world. I couldn't do it

So anyone who disapproves, or wouldn't choose them for their kids, just "don't understand"? It hasn't occured to you that maybe they do understand and still wouldn't choose it?

Just because some people do other things, doesn’t mean boarding school is in any way good enough for children.

loads of people put their jobs before kids... you probalby do tbh.

Unless you're working part time, and are there for every school pickup, drop off, holiday etc?

Lots of judgement and unsupported opinions being spouted off as facts in this thread.

If you don’t understand boarding school, don’t send your children to one.

But don’t make sweeping generalisations about families that do. Don’t create a list of acceptable criteria that you think might mitigate the circumstances. How other people choose to educate their children really shouldn’t have such an impact on you and your own choices.

It's usually at least 3 times a term. And I'm talking about secondary school age, not primary

that is not parenting that is spending some time with your child/children before they are returning to care givers and teachers

Not something I'd do but I can think of far worse things that people / parents do to children.,

Children are meant to be with loving parents. Anything different from that does varying amounts of damage to children. If you can’t provide a stable home for children, don’t have children.

Not a valid comparison at all.

In general or in the context of the extremely challenging and unusual circumstances that that post related to?

I know somebody who is working in a consulate in a very unstable part of the world. She still took her kids. There is a secure school for them. She'd never farm them off to board; it's a class/status thing. And yes it's damaging.

There was a boy aged about 10 who said that he was okay as long as he didn't see his mum for the weekly afternoon out they were allowed. His younger sister went and was distressed before and after. He said he could only cope with being away if he didn't see his parents at all until the holidays.

This is a form of emotional child abuse, it is terrible. Children try so hard to do what is asked of them, and when what is asked of them is to suppress their feelings it is very damaging.

I completely agree. The very idea that seeing your parent(s) should be a rare treat - by (their) deliberate design and preference, with no extenuating circumstances - is heartbreaking.

I abhor the way that some adults will claim that 'kids are tough and resilient - they'll be fine' as an excuse for them to selfishly choose what makes their own lives easier and actively transfer the burden of their own (adult) stress on to children.

Ok, so roughly once a month. I am not sure I'd consider a weekend a month as seeing my child regularly. Imagine if you were seperated from your partner and that is what they offered you as contact. Would you consider that a reasonable amount of regular contact?

Not a valid comparison at all.

It's usually at least 3 times a term. And I'm talking about secondary school age, not primary.

Over my longish life I have had 2 relationships of a couple of years each with men who had been sent to boarding school at 7. Both knew how to put on a 'front' but deep down they were emotionally introverted and basically unable to feel anything much at all. They were sent to top schools because everyone in their family went there and the line couldn't possibly be broken. Neither sent their own children away.
Mike Tindal said that he would send his daughters to good day schools but there was no way they weren't coming home every night.

That is a specific set of circs. At times boarding can be useful if home is not suitable/stable/safe. That is not what the thread is about, really.

Yes, definitely. In the same way that hospitals and hospices are absolutely the best place for many very ill children to stay, but no loving parent would actively prefer for their completely healthy and well child to be arbitrarily sent to live there.

There was a boy aged about 10 who said that he was okay as long as he didn't see his mum for the weekly afternoon out they were allowed. His younger sister went and was distressed before and after. He said he could only cope with being away if he didn't see his parents at all until the holidays. This is a form of emotional child abuse, it is terrible. Children try so hard to do what is asked of them, and when what is asked of them is to suppress their feelings it is very damaging.

I watched it too. There was a boy aged about 10 who said that he was okay as long as he didn't see his mum for the weekly afternoon out they were allowed. His younger sister went and was distressed before and after. He said he could only cope with being away if he didn't see his parents at all until the holidays. How bloody weird is that.

It won't show any of the negatives, really.

I spent many years working in boarding and the majority of kids loved it.

And the kids who weren't part of that majority??