Boarding school

But you assume all boarders only see their parents once a month....

I work in a boarding school (Y7-13) and honestly it’s made me even less likely to want to send my own kids there! I can see maybe how it can benefit in sixth form as we do a lot of work on independence and prioritise calm environment for studying as well as enrichment activities. The kids I work with are brilliant and come out with the funniest/kindest things and I just think it’s so sad their parents are choosing not to have the joy of their children’s company. No matter how great the boarding staff is, we can’t replicate the family environment. Yes I’ll ask how their days was and try to listen but I’ve also got 30 other kids trying to sign into boarding who are asking about homework, location of their PE kit etc. Promise posh schools also have difficult kids and if I’m spending Saturday night calming down a teenager who’s had an epic meltdown I can’t be spending quality time playing games with the kids or helping them set up the wii etc. It does feel with a minority of kids we are just trying but failing to compensate for the failures of their parents.

YOu are criticising parents that "only" see their child 1 hr a day - during the week presumably, not weekends - yet you think it's totally fine to see them once a month. I am not sure I get your logic.

I don't know many 8 year olds who genuinely only see their parents once a day. Even ones in full wrap around care (which in my experience aren't that common) will have at least a couple of hours with a PCG a day. Plus weekends. The will have consistent contact with a parent they love and who loves them.

Obviously there are factors where it may be better for an 8 year old child not to be at home. I just can't think of many.

Apologies, my last message was directed at Webuiltthisbuffetonsausageroll

Yes, I do feel that sometimes. Boarding works for us but it doesn’t work perfectly. There have been tears, more mine than theirs if I’m honest. But we’re doing our best, or at least we’re trying to. I wish that came across in my posts. I’m not trying to justify our choices or even make other people understand them. I’m simply asking that as parents, or at least contributors to a parenting forum, we accept that most parents are trying to do the best they can for their children. That families come in different shapes and sizes and that what works for some won’t work for others. That we can make our own choices without insulting others.

I’m very judgemental about things which damage children.
Exactly this.

I’m very judgemental about things which damage children.

I don’t like it, but I’m not a very judgmental person. I prefer not to declare myself an expert on things I couldn’t possibly understand.

Guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree on the definition of sub standard parenting.

We’re a boarding school family (shocker, I know) and it works for us. Nobody in real life would ever accuse of us neglect or abandonment.

Do you never feel extremely jealous of the fact that the adults who are (maybe) asking your child how their day has gone, (maybe) noticing if anything has concerned or upset them that they want to talk about to an adult, (probably not) kissing them before wishing them goodnight, (maybe) there for them if they wake and need an adult for anything overnight.... are other adults and not you, their parents, not their grandparents, not even their aunts or uncles but paid professionals? I think that's what most parents really struggle to comprehend.

People on here are saying "Secondary - I'm not talking about primary" - but that can be as young as 11 years old. That's still as far away from (hopefully) becoming a fully-confident, independent adult as it was from when when they were a clingy, tantrumming toddler.

Not sure what lifestyle you are talking about parenting ds, running a home myself without help, shopping on a budget, socialising and the odd holiday on a budget is hardly what I would call a lifestyle it’s just life for majority of people. Having a career does not always mean earning a high wage

whats the point of having a loving stable home if a child is sent away

I judge any form of sub standard parenting, neglect of abuse. If you don’t like it, tough.

I went to a school as a day kid but there were 8 year old boarders there. Including several friends and they all thrived in that environment.

Not sure if it's right for every child. But it's something I would consider when my dc are that age if it's appropriate.

Would you not hope that you, as your children's parents, could provide the best setting for them to thrive? I'm not talking about the specific teaching/education sessions, but after school is finished for the day/week and when they are then in their own personal time?

Don’t try to pass it off as not understanding. I ‘understand’ it very well.

Maybe. But you don’t know us and therefore can’t possible understand why it works for us. I’m not asking you to, just asking that people not criticise or make sweeping generalisations about something they aren’t even choosing to do.

Also say goodbye to nurseries and wraparound care on that basis!

We've really touched a nerve haven't we.

I can't imagine ever doing it and as an ex military family I'd have done married unaccompanied before putting my kids in boarding school.

I went to a school as a day kid but there were 8 year old boarders there. Including several friends and they all thrived in that environment

Not sure if it's right for every child. But it's something I would consider when my dc are that age if it's appropriate.

Not something I'd do but I can think of far worse things that people / parents do to children.,

Just because some people do other things, doesn’t mean boarding school is in any way good enough for children.

Quite. I think it's setting your bar very low indeed if you're accepting part-time re-homing of your children (for no great reason at all), purely on the basis that some other parents sexually or physically abuse their children.

And many other psychologists.

Probably spend just as much time in it as a kid who's off to see NRP every other weekend. ..but what's your point?

Some kids are home alone until 6:30+ every day after school
some kids are at a CMs home until 6pm.
some are in nursery from 8-6pm....
Some kids go to breakfast club, School, afterschool club, get taken to an activity by a parent friend, and dropped off at 7pm and don't see Parents for more than 1hr a day

It isn't automatically a dreadful thing for a kid to be in Boarding :/

I was responding to the incredulity expressed by previous posters. “I couldn’t imagine . . . “ or “I can’t fathom . . . “

It’s clear boarding school isn’t their choice but I don’t see why they feel the need to criticise families who do choose it. We’re a boarding school family (shocker, I know) and it works for us. Nobody in real life would ever accuse of us neglect or abandonment.

@00100001 i dunno why thats where she brought us in when we dropped her off. We were carrying her bags aswell. What was there to hide ?Both my husband and brother in law went and they hated it too . I said i would have hated it and that is my opinion which am allowed to say.
As people say these threads come up all time, the amount of people that hate it always out number people who liked it. Anyone i have met so far in real life that has been to boarding school hated it.

Don’t try to pass it off as not understanding. I ‘understand’ it very well.

If this was something poor people did, it wouldn’t be accepted. Richer people do it and think they can justify it because they’re rich. The Royals do it, it must be great. Only now we have many studies on trauma and attachment, we realise the importance of children’s needs being listened to and the importance of primary carers and we can question the rich, the elite, even the Royals, it can no longer be justified.

@NeonEyes - in your opinion

OK, so what is your point? I know a pastoral head of a "normal" school who have huge number so mental health issues...