Boarding school

'I can see why so many of today's helicopter parents'

Raising your own child isn't ' helicopter parenting' and I'm sure you're a lovely, well adjusted person but to most people sending children aged 7 and 9 away from home to live in an institution is child abuse, at best neglect.

Out of interest - why DID your parents need to send you away so young?

Oh the usual boarding school bashing thread.

I went when I was nine. My brother went at seven.

In some cases it is necessary but in many cases kids want to do it.

My son was a day boy but over the course of his time at school he boarded for a total of few weeks because he wanted to and he had a great time.

Someone in my dorm lived within walking distance of the school but just loved the experience of living in so was a weekly boarder and went home at weekends. It does make you independent and resilient. I was a terribly shy, quiet, withdrawn child and that really ended when i went to boarding school. I can see why so many of today's helicopter parents would find the idea anathema and think it cruelty but kids are incredibly adaptable.

Some kids do hate it. Its like everything in life, different strokes for different folks. Kids have their own personalities, most will take to boarding, some certainty won't.

If the idea is so upsetting to you, just don't send your own kids. However don't judge others, boarding school can be an incredibly rich life experience and ideal for some families for whatever reason.

@OoooohMatron no I have to travel for work overseas. Sometimes two nights, sometimes a week.
Wrap around care doesn't cut it.
Flexi boarding is what it says, flexible, and is also cheaper than the costs of additional care.'

Boarding your kid occasionally a couple of nights a week is NOT the same a traditional boarding and you know it. So no point on getting all defensive about it.

I was at a client dinner - senior woman - and we started chatting about family etc and she said her son had just started boarding, his decision. She started talking about how great it is, what a relief it is - because both her and her DH's routines ( he was also senior in finance) meant getting 6am trains to work and getting home around 8/9pm everyday. Now they were probably bother earning close to half a million quid in pay, bonuses and shares etc so demanding jobs.

The kid was 13 and a day pupil. A driver would pick him up from school, and they had a housekeeper who would have dinner ready for him when he got in then she would leave by about 5pm. He played school rugby so the driver would take the kids on a Saturday to school games, as they often worked again or went to the gym etc
As she went on it became apparent that the poor little fucker was at home alone all week long, or with staff, and didn't see much of his parents. Of course he chose to board given the option. Me and my colleagues discussed on the way home whether we would ever do that - the answer was no, we would change our jobs, hours or whatever it took to actually raise our child.

It was bizarre to me that you would have one child, only one because of your careers, then ignore it in favour of those careers, then send him away. What's the point?

You don’t have to travel for work, that’s a choice you make. And you choose to leave your child. My partner travelled a lot for work but when we decided to have children, he changed that. A choice he made because he wanted to actually raise our children.

What is the point of having children if you aren't planning on raising them?

I would harshly judge anyone sending their young child to boarding school.

@OoooohMatron no I have to travel for work overseas. Sometimes two nights, sometimes a week.

Wrap around care doesn't cut it.

Flexi boarding is what it says, flexible, and is also cheaper than the costs of additional care.

Some people on this thread are card carrying idiots. They have no idea about other people's lives or the decisions they have to make.

'Surely as a single parent, if you.can afford boarding school you can afford wraparound care before and after school? Plenty of single parents work full time.'

Yeah, I'm not buying this. I know SO many single parents in good professional careers who have their children at home. And as the kids are older 10/11+ they're so much more independent anyway.

There's no career, no job, no decent reason other than specialised residential care for medical reason that is an excuse for baording your child.

DFriend had a father in a high flying military role, and was boarded. Her DM travelled with the DF, and did all the entertaining and support expected of a senior officers wife, so he could get to the top.

She and her Dsibs have a fraught relationship with the parents, they haven't been able to forgive the DF for choosing a career over their needs, and the DM for choosing the DF over them ( as they see it).

Both parents are famous in their own right, decorated, lauded, MBE type awards, famed for their 'success' but now in semi-retirement have kids who want little to do with them, and keep them at arms length from their own grandchildren.

Surely as a single parent, if you.can afford boarding school you can afford wraparound care before and after school? Plenty of single parents work full time.

'And I will go on about it because despite what people think whether or not people chose to board/part time board their kids is not a black and white issue.
It depends on the kid, the home life circumstances and reasons behind those choices.'

And yet it's very much an English thing, and a MC/UC thing, isn't it?

Weird how other nations, backgrounds just don't see it as an option.
Much as I would love not to have the hassle of having our two around day to day - sending them to be raised by other people, people running a business and no matter how kind they are ( and many aren't) don't love your children.

We can afford private/boarding and both kids would get a bursary due to sport/music but it wouldn't occur to us.

I know a HOD at a famous boarding school, and she says she feel sorry for the children who live there, sent away - many from overseas, many going to 'host families' they barely know on Exeat weekends and then when the pandemic hit many were forced to stay at school for months and months, or to go to live permanently with their host families as their home countries wouldn't allow them to return.

That pic of them going to the shower has broken me.

The school I went to had boarding for toddlers, but that was in the '70s. They looked to be about 3-5 five years old and were looked after by a nurse.

Three year olds in China

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24624427

@sashh toddlers - surely not 😭

OP

There is a documentary, probably on youtube called, "Britain's youngest boarders", I think they were about 6.

Some countries have boarding for toddlers.

I have a friend who sent her son to boarding school at age 7 or 8. Not weekly boarding but termly boarding, only home school holidays. They said it is b/c dad is in the military, but Mum lives in the gorgeous, large family home they own outright. They have two younger dc, not sure if they will do the same thing for them. I found the whole thing very very strange. They are completely missing out on most of his childhood. He's so little. Dad isn't even stationed abroad. They receive a scholarship that covers fees, I'm assuming that's the motivation. I could see making use of it at 13+ , preferably weekly boarding vs weeks/months at a time, but not at such a young age.

I was very very pleased Will & Kate didn't send George away at 8. Hopefully they don't consider it until he is much older like Kate was.

Still too young

@Tricyrtis2022 but they did. Down thread. That any kind of boarding is wrong, specifically flexi boarding and it makes you a crap parent is what was said...despite the fact some of us single parents couldn't work without it.

And I will go on about it because despite what people think whether or not people chose to board/part time board their kids is not a black and white issue.

It depends on the kid, the home life circumstances and reasons behind those choices.

One of my friends kids wanted to board because their sibling was a schizophrenic. My kid boards part time because I'm a single parent. My cousins kid boards because they are in the military and his wife passed away.

What do people want you to do in these circumstances? Go on benefits so you can pick your kid up everyday? Lose your house because you can't work....Ridiculous.

Was sent aged 10. I hated it - it was a convent school and the staff weren’t properly vetted back then and we had a male doctor who gave us all the creeps because he’d always want us to remove our pants. Ugh, I still get nightmares about that place. There was a scandal there after I left involving another abusive member of staff. It took me a very long time to forgive my mother for sending me there.

My mum was packed off to boarding school age 6. She has never gotten over it.

What I found desperately sad was hearing about the very young international boarders at a reputable UK school. Their enforced weekends home (I think monthly or every 3rd weekend) are to a host family and they’re age 6/7 starting. Some went from a family where co sleeping was the norm culturally to being a full time boarder. This is current not historic.

There are some that take them from 3/4yrs old! I'm firmly on the "that's too young" side. My eldest has boarded since she was Y7.

"I think it was a Scandinavian documentary I was watching where every city had a small enclosed village - there was one for older people with dementia and another for children who needed full time 2 to 1 specially trained SNA/Carers."

In the UK the vast majority of residential provision is provided by private companies who decide where it goes and whose only aim is to make a profit

I boarded but none of my children have. DD wanted to board for 6th form - weekly - but none of the schools on her shortlist offer it so she'll remain as a day pupil.

Two nights a week and the occasional full week is not at all comparable to being at BS for weeks on end. No one is calling you shite, @jeaux90, stop going on about it.