Boarding school

My father was sent away at 6! He was so traumatised by it that he wouldn’t allow any of us to go to boarding school. As a result I had to move schools so that my brother could go a private school as a day boy. I’m not sure why anyone would think it was a good or justify sending such a young child away from home.

I went to boarding school age 9. YANBU - it's way too young. When my DC reached that age they felt like a baby still, it made me so sad for my childhood self 😔
And I've never quite forgiven my parents for it.

@SavoirFlair yes it's also a huge perk of the jobs eg free private school fees for duration of child's education on completion of one posting with government. Not many people are aware that all the top uk private schools have pupils funded in this way. Most go in very young, 8 is common.

I've seen it personally and the children I know who went at such a young age had a mixed response. Most have suffered long term in some way and none are close to parents now. Even if the parent isn't considered a trailing spouse funding can still be given.

There was a scandal surrounding this a few years ago where a freedom of information request showed just how much money was being spent.

It's too young and absolutely shows a drive to put career before a child.

I was 8. It was hell.

I have an 8 year old. The idea of it breaks my heart. He still needs us for so many little things - as independent as he is now.

Theres something called Boarding School Syndrome, which mainly refers to children of this age starting at boarding school.

I went at 11. Hated it and it wasn't a warm cosy environment, home from home. Far from it

I weekly boarded from 9 and LOVED it. Often chose not to go home at weekends and hang out with friends at school instead.

i would really suffer away from my own kids, so it wouldn't suit us but don't assume everyone feels the same. I really had the best time and feel incredibly lucky.

My friend’s child started Boarding at 8, but they really wanted to (suspect being a Harry Potter fanatic helped!) Both parents are military but divorced and in different parts of the country, and definitely not posh. The child is absolutely loving it, getting all sorts of opportunities and experiences they wouldn’t otherwise, and it provides the stability for their education that they need. If ever they start to hate it and beg to come home they will see out the school notice period, but then they’ll need to move school with their resident parent’s postings.

i was having this chat with my 8yo yesterday - that my father boarded termly from age 7 (basically entry to current year 3). It was quite baffling to both of us but it was the done thing at the time and for his background.

i think 8 is way too young but last year my DS was at a private school that had boarding. He didn’t board as we are local but because of traffic, my work and after school activities etc he ended up being out of the house 7 til 7 every day. He actually asked if he could board Monday to Friday as it looked like great fun and he would be much less tired. Financially it was out of the question but it totally changed my opinion on boarding and if we had had the money I might have considered it for a couple of nights a week if he had enjoyed it. Primary is too young though, DS was 12 when we had these conversations.

I went to one abroad at 11 through choice and spent so much time crying and missing home that my parents took me back out in the end. I can’t imagine it either, 8 is so young. It would have killed me to send my DD at that age.

My mother went to boarding school as there was no secondary school on her island. In some rural areas its considered better than 1hr+ commutes every day.

(Incidentally... the army is now coming up with other ways to make boarding unnecessary.. probably because its expensive rather than thinking of the children though! DH gets free accommodation at work, WFH 1-2days a week and two trips home a month paid for)

It’s not what I would want for DD, that said, she has school friends who board (year 5, have boarded since Y4) and they seem perfectly happy, well adjusted kids. The school places huge emphasis on well-being and pastoral care, so I guess that extends to the boarding houses

In a certain sector of society (ie posh), it's the done thing to send children to a boarding prep school, to facilitate the transition to senior boarding.
There was never going to be a realistic alternative for William and Harry.
Boarding schools have changed massively for the better in recent times, and most schools encourage flexi boarding.
I have a granddaughter at one such school and she has asked to stay over at school once a week. She loves it.(She did admit that the main attraction was the breakfast menu). 😂

What I called "nonsense" was saying there'd be no military or diplomatic service without boarding at eight.
Why wait till 8 then?
And if you can manage till 8, why not wait till 12 when children might be better able to handle it?
I am sure most people who think they'd a good experience of boarding would still not send their dc when in single figures.

Yes, I had a colleague at work who sent his sons to a boarding 'prep' school from the age of 8.
It seems to be something that well - off people do.
There was once a TV prog about boarding prep school, with little children of around 8 years old, who were all starting.
The one exception, I believe, was the late Duke of Westminster (now deceased), who apparently hated boarding school, so sent his children to school locally (still independent, I think)

It probably seems very normal for families where this has been done for generations. It wouldn't be for me ideally.

Most people in the armed forces or diplomatic service don't send their very young children to boarding school. And where they do it tends to be a class thing rather than necessity.

ok that’s good. I know more than one diplomat. Taking one example, her children didn’t go with her.

I don’t think it’s “nonsense” for me to share a different set of lived experiences

Or, you step back a bit for the ten years or so that you have small children.

That's nonsense, they only need one parent in a more regular job to make it work. I also know a diplomat and his kids go with him.

I went at 10 and loved it - military family. I’m extremely close to my family, and had my sisters at school with me. The alternative was an extremely disrupted education, one year I would have moved schools 3 times.

Different folks, different strokes - if it’s not for you, don’t send your kids.

My DH went to boarding school when he was 8 and it was not a good experience. An 8 year old might think they want to go but they have no real idea of what it entails. My DS is 11 and even now I couldn’t imagine him being away so much. My DH said that from about 15 he enjoyed boarding school.

Some acquaintances of ours are sending their 8 year old son next academic year and it does feel awfully sad. He is an only child and neither parent’s job requires it.

They are an extremely wealthy family, for whom status and social standing are very important, hence their decision. I think there’s a huge chance they’ll regret it as they are all very close to one another.

My DD13 boards two nights a week or a whole week occasionally if I have to travel more for work.

She loves it, gets all her homework done, has a lot of fun. As an only it also gives her a sense of sharing and accountability.

I'm also a single parent with a career, absolutely no way I could do my job without her being in private school/part time boarding.

So whilst I would not send her to board until secondary (I had to have a live in nanny instead) I don't judge people who do.