To not understand why people turn off read receipts on WhatsApp

I'm going against the grain and majority here!
I use WhatsApp as a "live" conversation, so if I ask "are you ok with 11 tomorrow?" And I see that's been read, I would expect an immediate reply. If I was face to face with that person and asked them the same, I'd be pretty pissed off if they totally ignored me.

If someone WA me and I don't want to/can't engage at the time, I'll reply and say that "sorry Mum/Dad etc. busy, that's sounds ok but will chat properly tonight". It's just polite to reply as soon as you've heard/read the Q.

It's annoying OP but there is simple solution. Just include the sentence "if I don't hear back from you I'll assume it's a no in every request.
Maybe with a nice emoji.

It's not the blue ticks, it's the fact they haven't replied to your message.

If they don't reply to your messages and you hate the thought of phoning them you may want to just end the relationship tbh! I don't think blue ticks are the issue there.

This..

Confirming plans is a different issue.

But the problem isn't the blue ticks, it's his inability to reply to a message.

I guess it only takes one person who WA you and expects an immediate response when they see the two blue ticks to make you turn it off.

I haven't turned mine off but FIL (and to a lesser extent MIL) are relentless in demanding immediate/quick response to trivial matters, even during the working day, from DH. If he doesn't answer their text/email within an hour or so the phone calls start, alternating between phones, until they get an answer...the final stage is they just turn up at the door (he works from home a lot of the time). Thankfully, they don't use WA too but if they did...DH would definitely turn off the read notification.

You can now turn off your “online” status. Which I have done. I like being able to be incognito online - as pp said I feel watched and if I’m online at strange times (which I am with a baby) I want to keep that to myself

blue ticks also play havoc in the dating world of they’ve left me on read! Why!? Redic.

@Bbq1, honestly that sounds nuts. A read receipt means nothing. I've already explained why. What matters is a response. If people are not responding, then stop inviting them to do things and make arrangements as though they said "no."

The problem isn't switching off read receipts, which is completely normal and understandable (people don't want to feel watched). It's that your friends are too socially inept to respond to invitations.

This may not be a popular comment but (as someone with dual citizenship who only moved back to the UK shortly before the pandemic), this is a British thing.

I have learned that if I've organized something and people can't even be bothered to respond, often because they're obnoxious and selfish enough to want to keep their options open regardless of the inconvenience it causes me, then I don't invite them anywhere again. You'll get the typical British "but I'm depressed, why does no one love me" lamentations and drama, but ignore it. These are adults and you're not their mother.

Your problem is not the read receipts, it's not hearing "yes I'm coming." In future, when issuing invitations, always say something like, "let me know by Wednesday at 5 pm if you want to come because then I'll make arrangements and it'll be too late to add anyone." You're better off without these friends if they can't respect you enough to respond to invitations.

Too many people demand a quick response when they know their message has been read. If my receipts are turned off, people don’t know if I’m in the cinema or working or just busy. The reply is sent when I have a moment to do it. It puts me in control of my own phone, which is how it should be.

However, people should be replying to confirm plans. If they don’t, I’d never assume the plans are on as a default. Why would you? The plans are agreed when people confirm. Stop confirming things for people who don’t bother to reply and perhaps they’ll reply if they know they’ll miss out.

have not RTFT. But i can imagine it's because of the verging-on-batshit people who are constantly "but you read it a nanosecond ago WHY DIDN'T YOU ANSWER, YOU MUST HATE ME"

Ha, you're very optimistic about how trainable people like that are!!!

Ignoring all the very valid reasons why people don't turn on read receipts, it's baffling to me that someone could be annoyed and think it's a power play for someone to not have read receipts activated for privacy and convenience (as they are entitled to do) but simultaneously think they are entitled to know whether another adult - someone who is not under their control - has picked up their phone and read a message. It says something about the way that these people operate. I think this is what my mother would probably say. In reality she is very controlling and attempts to treat her adult children as though we are all still 8, which is why we do things like turn our read receipts off so she has one less window into our lives to attempt to control.

Exactly this!! Drives me mad

No, it's not.

Besides, even if a message is showing as seen, it doesn't mean the person has actually read it.

😂 me too!! Hopefully in a future update this will a functionality!

Sometimes I have time to read, but no time to reply. People get so offended and don’t realise that I work a 70 hour week and don’t have the bandwidth to check my diary that instant.

YABU to expect everyone to want to do things your way. There could be lots of reasons but I'd assume the biggest reason is they prefer time to think about something and not feel pressured to respond immediately after reading.
Texting is a relatively new form of communication and agreed 'standard norms' are yet to be established.
Personally unless I was having a live conversation (so answering on receipt back and forth) I wouldnt necessarily assume something had been finalised eg if someone just said "Let's go for Saturday then, 7:30 Dog & Duck"....unless I'd got back and said OK, thats just a suggestion. I might take a day to get back whilst I check out what husbands doing and if Sally will work the late shift for me. I'm not putting that in a text.
If you need immediate answers there's always a phone call.

It's so frustrating because if we make plans via WhatsApp and then say we arrange a time to meet, I just have to assume that they have read the message as it appears unread

You know, you could just actually speak to them to make arrangements.

I loathe the intrusive nature of social media and networking, and the expectations placed on us by it. I won't have it. If someone wants to communicate something to me there are various channels open for them to do that - text, whatsapp, phone call etc. If I want to reply I will do so, if and when I feel like it.

I don't understand the problem about confirming plans. Plans are confirmed when they're explicitly confirmed, not before. If you message someone and say "hey, let's all meet for coffee this afternoon. My place at 3?", then that plan is confirmed if and when they message you back to agree. If you don't hear anything from them, you assume the plan isn't going ahead.

That's always been the case whether communicating face to face, by snail mail, email or instant messaging. Nobody is expected to be part of a plan until they've confirmed their participation. I don't understand how the communication medium somehow changes this.

If you just didn't respond quickly it would train her to stop doing it.

Sorry meant swipe left!

Some people are avoidant / passive aggressive. They're not good with boundaries so lack the capacity to just respond directly or say ignore it until not busy.

It's not a good trait and tends to filter into other areas.