Moved to rural area and hate it

I am in a similar position OP. We have given it a year but miss the city and will likely move back at the end of this year. I think moving to a third location is a mistake, if you know it’s Dublin you miss then go back. The city is great for teens too. Way more independence and opportunity.

I thought I wanted more fresh air and space for my preschoolers but we are always in the car now, we used to be able to walk to the local park, library, cafes etc. Kids lived on our street.

It’s a tough one! But not really so tough when you listen to your gut. I think I would prefer day to day city life and rural breaks.

We lived very rurally when the DC were younger, but as the eldest approached senior school age, we decided that we needed to move somewhere with plenty to keep them occupied as they got older. DH and I would have been perfectly happy to remain where we were, but it was about what was best for the kids that made us decide to move.

If you are really unhappy, then I would start campaigning for a move sooner, rather than later. Teenagers stuck out in the middle of nowhere are going to be a nightmare for you (especially without decent Wi-Fi!) and you'll just end up taxiing them around everywhere and never getting to stop in the evenings.

No real advice really. We live semi rural and its not great. My sons friends all live 25 minutes away ( apart from one!) so we are a taxi service, no denying that. DD is 18 and gets the bus to college and uses public transport alot to get around.

We can get a train to Liverpool in 40 mins and Chester in 15, so we often takes trips to the city.

Resentment will set in, if you don't make a decision what to do. It's a tough one and doesn't help that your husband seems to be thriving rurally. Maybe if he did all the taxi driving, he would think differently!

As the kids get older, they may also resent living rurally. When mine were young, they loved it. Now, well I don't expect DD will want to return after Uni and DS will get out w her b he can. M

Very best of luck x

If your DH had to choose between losing his countryside life and losing you which would he choose?

If you moved back to Dublin you you can still have long holidays at the house and your DC have built up friends in the area.

I should explain I moved rurually then into the town in same County as I didn't like living so remotely.

Where are you living OP? I'm a Dub who moved to the West and found it very tough at first. We rented rurally and I absolutely hated it and didn't want to come here in the first place. I feel I have the best of both worlds now. Bus going past front and cows out the back. A soon to be 5/6 bed detached house for the same price as my Dublin apartment.

We then bought in town and I wouldn't go back to Dublin although I miss certain things. My three children were born here and they have such a lovely life. It took me long time to make friends too. It's only really coming together six years later if I'm honest.

Is there a possibility of relocating within the area itself? Selling up and buying something more suitable? You would get a fortune for your Dublin home right now.

Pm me if you want to chat.

It's such a shame it's just not working out for you. I absolutely adore country living and dream of living your life 💞

Can you talk to him about just how much you hate it and how isolating it is for you. Maybe agree to do x more years there and then move back to your place in Dublin? Is there an option of downsizing both in the future so one is a weekend home?

What would happen you refused to do the driving, seems like you are far more inconvenienced than your DH

I live rurally and enjoy it but there are downsides as you have mentioned.

In your position I would move back to Dublin asap - your dc will soon be teenagers and things will become even more difficult. You will be doing pick ups at midnight most weekends etc.They will become bored and restless and you will be struggling as a sole driver. My dh does a lot of driving and helps a lot.

Can you use your country house as a weekend and holiday home? Or decorate and rent it out term times to holiday makers and stay in the school holidays? That would be my compromise. Dh should not be insisting you stay because it suits him op, esp as you are the one that is making it possible ( Doing all of the driving) Tell him you will consider again when you are all retired.

Move back whilst your connections and friendships are still alive and the children still have friends and family there.

I wouldn’t even hesitate, you tried it for years, it hasn’t worked - that’s okay op. You deserve to be happy. Further down the line education and work’s opportunities will be far more abundant in the city.

A village is NOT going to cut it..

It just doesn’t suit some people. I grew up in the country and love to visit but I wouldn’t live there.

Your get out clause is his eyesight - if you are doing most of the driving that’s not going to be sustainable when your boys are teens all wanting to be taxi’d around in the evenings.

Where could you live that would give him a bit of rural life and you enough urban action. A village is going to cut it - you are probably looking for the edge of a market town within an hour or so of Dublin.

I would go and find some compromise options and then sit down with him and say that this isn’t working for you, you understand Dublin no longer works for him, so you need to find a compromise that gives you both enough of what you need. This isn’t up for debate - he can’t force you to live rurally any more than you can force him to live in a city - you have to compromise. Thank you you still have your Dublin house so you should be able to buy what you need.

Growing up in the country miles from friends is bloody tough. With 3, you’re going to be a taxi (you already are!) once they get a bit older and want to exclusively see their mates. I think try to persuade your Dh that you go back to Dublin til the dc are out of secondary.

I'm in a similar situation, only with no vehicle. I understand the feeling of being stuck, and I wish there was something I could say to help ease that stress. I hope your situation improves.

I couldn’t be doing with that, no way - sounds utterly miserable and a complete pita - and I think your dh is being vvv unreasonable to expect u to ferry him around and for you to just suck it up even though you’re miserable there. I would be telling dh in no uncertain terms that we’ve had a trial at it and no, sorry it isn’t working for me so something has to change. But I’m quite vocal and opinionated and you sound a lot nicer than me - maybe you need to get a bit more assertive about your how you feel and that it just isn’t sustainable for you long term?

Most of our friends have different tolerances for country living so often one half of a couple is off to the city for a week or so and the other stays behind, but of course this is more manageable once the kids have left home and depends on remote working. Could you compromise as a couple and agree to move back to Dublin, spending holidays in the countryside and with a promise to move back to the countryside when the kids have left home? In the meanwhile make some firm commitments to visit your aunt and make them a priority- for your own well-being and happiness. Good luck!

Unfortunately it's either move and risk your marriage or stay and be unhappy. Life is too short, you need to have very frank conversation.

Timing is of the essence and securing a secondary place could be tricky most are assigned for next year. You have tried to settle in good faith and sadly it isn't to be.

I would set out your plan and crack on sorting school places etc, there is a chance that tbe children who have settled won't want to leave and if DH is staying what would be acceptable to both of you ?

If you are not happy where you are, and your DH won't move back to Dublin, then your only option is to move somewhere else. Is he emotionally attached to the house in the countryside? Did it belong to a family member? Does his family live nearby?

To me, it's strange that he won't even think about moving if you are so unhappy. Are you having problems in the relationship? Have you told him about how you are feeling? What does he say?

This is really tough. When two life partners want to go in different directions, one will be unhappy unless a compromise can be found.
People tend to like city living and country for visits, or vice versa. Personally I like country living and city for visits. We moved from city to rural and fortunately we both love it.
But, all the things you struggle with are perfectly valid. If your DH is closing his ears and doesn't want to hear it, you've got big problems because then it's a like it or lump it situation, which hardly makes you feel seen or valued.
If he can be willing to have the tough conversation that's much more promising, if he can recognise that his truth and experience it's not yours and you being his life partner counts for something, so your pov matters, then you can work together to find a solution.
Could you sell both places and get a place close to the city but with space around it (or whatever can achieve the well being he gets from being rural (nice views? Lack of people?) While you can have more of what you need (family within visiting distance, people to chat to etc)

I have a similar situation to you but in Wales. I romanticised the rural house, but being there over a rainy Christmas was boring as fu**. All my clothes smelled of damp when I came back. I think you could try to live between the 2 if you can afford it. Holidays in the rural place but day to day life in Dublin?

We moved to the countryside 3 years ago. It is a more solitary existence and although I love it, I enjoy the city buzz when I get the opportunity. In our community many people have a small city apartment to use for trips, doctors visits, shopping etc. and they like that balance of city life and country living. Many simply don’t enjoy full time country living. Could you sell the Dublin house and get an apartment where you could all spend the odd weekend (hopefully more affordable than a house which is standing vacant)? Or could you make more regular visits to your family? Can the kids cycle to their friends instead of you playing taxi so they are a bit less reliant on you so you can take a weekend off and go to Dublin?

We moved from London to an old, draughty house in the country so I understand a lot of what you’re saying. Some of your issues with the house will definitely improve in the Spring/summer, but that doesn’t make the winter any easier. I also have a husband who shares the driving.
After 3 years in a remote property, we moved to a small country town. It solved a lot of the issues with driving and people to chat to. But nowhere is perfect.
When your children are a bit older they may want to move back to Dublin so I can see why you might be reluctant to sell in order to buy a better house in the country. 2 years isn’t a long time - is it possible your DH is still in the honeymoon period and will miss city life after a few more years?