Moved to rural area and hate it

You say your husband has 'slight vision problems' which mean you do 'most' of the driving...does that mean he does some of the driving then? What is stopping him from doing more? Surely, if you can see properly to drive occasionally, you can see properly to drive regularly? If it's something specific like not being able to drive in the dark, then he should do all the daytime driving, to make it fair.

Echo the other comments about living rurally with 3 teens and having to drive them everywhere. One of mine had at least one activity every day. Some evenings there were 4 different activities going on, in different towns. I spent between 1.5 and 3.5 hours every single day taxiing kids to activites (just the actual driving), and 5 days a week only got home at about 10.30pm. And that was with DH also picking up other journeys too. And on top of the 4 school pickups/drop offs per day. I did it only because it was time limited (about 2 years) due to their ages, and because we did not want to limit the competitive sports that were so important to them, for a house move that they didn't choose. But this summer has been bliss since the child that needed the most taxiing passed his driving test, and I am SO glad to be done with it. I really wouldn't have wanted 10+ years of it, as it totally dominates your evenings and any free time.

That’s so hard. Some people love cities, some people hate cities. DH and I both fled London and embraced village life and it suits us, but I can see how someone else could easily hate it 😬

I don’t see a solution for you. If your DH and two of the children have fallen in love with rural living, then all you can do is negotiate with them and try to persuade them to put your wants and that of the other DC above their wants. But if your DH runs survival courses for a living I can’t see him going back to Dublin.

Really tricky. Sorry 😔

Could you rent somewhere like Bray ? That way the nice countryside is right on your doorstep but still easyish into Dublin with good connections and big enough to have good facilities on the doorstep

Move back to Dublin and leave DH behind. When he can't fend for himself the appeal of rural life will be lost.

One other thing occurred to me the lease on the Dublin house may be really challenging to end, as you know there is a housing crisis and councils are advising (non officially) to overhold.

Whatever decision you make needs to be soon to sort the lease/schools and jobs? as I assume those will need to change also.

We sold up and went from;

City to village, to completely rural and then finally bought in a rural market town.

Always loved the idea of rural life to raise the kids, but it was quite boring.

The idea's a lot more whimsical than the reality isn't it? If the kids hate it move. Mine were preschoolers when we lived completely rural, so they loved it. Now they are older they love our little town.

Lots to do, kids can hang out with friends. Coffee shops, places to eat, takeaways. Don't need to use the car constantly but not in the hustle and bustle of a city.

The best thing we've ever done. All the countryside perks and glorious views but in civilization!

Life's too short.

If the driving is a struggle, it might be worth setting some boundaries with that now. Explain that you're only willing to do a certain amount, and then stick to it. Because that sort of lifestyle with one driver who's already struggling even before the guaranteed increased future demands stemming from the business and kids reaching their teens is not at all sustainable. It will get worse, not better.

It needs to be made clear that the price of staying where you are is less driving time, that everyone continuing to be ferried around the place whenever they like isn't one of the choices available. It's not like rural living requires living up the arse end of nowhere either, there are people who live rurally in villages with neighbours over the way and five minutes walk from a shop.

Driving is usually the big reason people get disillusioned with rurual life - I know I couldn't live anywhere that made me totally dependent on a car.

There likely isn't a solution to this beyond having a very frank coversation with your husband and working out together what's the best compromise. It's not really acceptable that your ability to drive is propping up his inability to do so if you're so unhappy there.

I don't think a person who doesn't drive gets to insist on a lifestyle that requires another person to spend so much time in the car.

I think the biggest problem is the fact you are the only driver - I agree that will be really hard to sustain when you have three teens, wanting to go out all over the place.

There must be a compromise of a smaller town or village closer to Dublin and with some public transport, surely? He can’t expect you to live their forever just because he likes it?

I don't think an automatic is going to improve his vision.

Do you NEED to rent the Dublin house out? Could you do a split of some time in Dublin and some time in the country?

For your sanity you need to move back to Dublin. You’d need to apply to the secondary school now to try and get a place though and does the primary have spaces for your kids. There’s no way I could ferry teens around the countryside all by myself, I had to do it in Dublin for 6 mths when my husband couldn’t drive due to health condition and it was exhausting. Thinking ahead to university, if you’re in Dublin they can get bus/luas to college but in the country they’d need accommodation in the city which as you know is extremely difficult to find and expensive.

The secondary years absolutely fly, have you thought about third level colleges and how that will work for you?

Dublin would be much much much better for teens. High school and up

haveagentlechristmas that’s my fantasy 😆 a big rambling detached in Wales with a pack of dogs, acres of land and no neighbours. I don’t want the damp smelling clothes though 🤔

It was lush don't get me wrong. But I had to move to the city to further my career. I still can't quite bear to sell the house though, which is financially crippling me!!

I feel you - when I bring my parents over to Ireland for visits, DF always wants to stay really really rurally and it is a massive pain in the ass. I find doing the driving there takes a lot of energy and have told him I am not willing to stay so rurally again. Unless your husband was actively miserable in Dublin, I think I would be giving an ultimatum about moving.

I second that. Sounds like heaven to me.

Where I live (Colchester), the countryside is disappearing. No matter how many rabbit hutch new builds they stick up, it's never enough. A new estate is currently being built at the other end of my village. It's so huge that it's more like a small town than an estate. The traffic is awful NOW, so god knows what it'll be like when all those houses have been sold. God, what I wouldn't give to live in a quiet village! If that meant I couldn't have takeaways, it would be a small price to pay. Right now, all I can hear is the screaming of car engines and the explosions of modified exhausts.

Absolutely this.

I'm urban and its still a complete PITA, constantly in and out to sports, training, matches, the parties, discos, hanging out with friends, 12, 1am, staying up to collect them.

We do it because we want them home safe.
We share it with other parents that live nearby.
But if you are miles from others you will be on your own doing it.

Teens need to socialise and that is why parents do it, but for you doing it on your own it will be a slog.

Your husband sounds a bit selfish, happy for you to crack on doing it all, so watch out if I were you.

As the sole driver take it from me you do not want to be ferrying 3 DC around for another 10 years plus, it's exhausting. I had a sudden illness and couldn't drive for a month, that was bad - it could have been permanent.

He might think it’s great but it’s you doing the driving! If it was in him it would be different.

haveagentlechristmas that’s my fantasy 😆 a big rambling detached in Wales with a pack of dogs, acres of land and no neighbours. I don’t want the damp smelling clothes though 🤔

I would write a list of pros and cons

I wouldn’t like being away from a town/having neighbours either!

DH would be happy in the countryside - we moved to be near shops/bus routes/schools/ friends for the children - it’s important they can be independent and get about when they’re teens.

I think your DH is being selfish and you should consider at least and halfway house.

I know you said a village wouldn't be possible, but could you sell your house in the country or rent it out, and then rent a house in the village?

Get the income to rent a new house as a stepping stone from renting one of your other properties?

Neither of you are being unreasonable and the only sensible option would be a compromise. (A village or small town.)