Can I ask if anyone has kids 9 years apart, what’s it like?

My auntie had girl first, then a boy. There was nearly a 16 year age gap. She hated it and my cousins had nothing in common. For my auntie it was basically like having two only children and not getting her life back until she was in her mid sixties.

Well, you did ask and I appreciate for you the age difference is smaller.

My DH and his sister are 10 years apart and they barely know each other. Each situation is different though.

I have exactly this combination. Ds is 10 nearly 11 and dd nearly 2. So early days yet but so far mostly lovely! Dd has slotted right in, ds is really understanding of her needs and lovely with her. It’s only tricky if it’s just me and both dc out somewhere (eg farm park or similar) and ds wants to look at stuff/chat etc and dd is in a running off mood and I basically end up giving her all my attention. I think that should get easier as dd gets older and understands more. It helps loads to ensure I have pockets of time just with ds ( we go to the cinema or something) and make sure I spend time with him during dd’s nap times. I don’t regret it all all and ds is really happy to have a sibling even if it’s a big age gap.

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Not always easy in our family 😁 - Even as they got older. The older ones forget what it was like to be that age and the younger one feels like they’re being parented constantly.

I’m the youngest in this situation. I think my birth and the attention to me did irreparable damage to my brother

He is depressed. Never worked. Despite being intelligent. He now does a lot of drugs. It’s sad but I think 90% of the cause is due to me being born and the shift in dynamic when he was still young

This is the exact age gap I have with mine. I really worried about it but it's fine. Only thi g is trying to find an actvity that suited both. But they are now 8 and 17. Ds 17 still enjoys a beach day, going out for food with us etc. When he was up to about 14 he'd still come to the cinema for a disney film😂. They are close but still argue like all kids.
One thing I would advise is that you spend a bit of 121 time with ds when baby gets here. Maybe get grandparents or dh to look after baby and continue to do some of the things you do now.
I love that you get another round of bedtime stories and games just as the eldest one doesn't want to anymore. I've been doing father christmas for 17 years now😍

I have a ten year gap between my children (DD firstborn then DS). DD loved it for the first few years then found him really irritating. He’s 10 now and she’s so protective over him and finds him hilarious. She doesn’t often babysit him but she has occasionally picked him up from school when I’ve been stuck. He worships her now and they have a really sweet relationship. It often feels like I’m bringing up two only children though; they are just at such different stages of their life with such different needs. I also find it exhausting, he’s physically tiring and she’s emotionally. When I get him into bed and think I can switch off I have to deal with DD’s issues. It’s hard but it’s still a beautiful, overall happy family.

I've got one age 27 one age 18 and one age 8 🤣
They get along great because they are all at different stages in life and have nothing in common 🤷‍♀️.

I’m 9 years older than my youngest sister, though there are two siblings in the middle so multiple dynamics going on around our one-to-one relationship. The gap has shrunk and grown at different stages - 11 and 20 was huge - but we’ve always been close and made each other laugh even though we have very different perspectives on a lot of things. We’re now 40 and 31 and have very different lives but are hugely important to each other. And I loved it when she was little; she was so ridiculously cute and my friends all doted on her.

Congratulations! I hope it all goes smoothly for you.

I have you her siblings who are 10 years and 12 years younger than me.

Growing up, we had more of a parent/child relationship - still great as I would babysit them and do fun stuff with them when I was a teenager and lived at home and when I left they would come for sleepovers at my flat.

Now they are in their 20s, we are just really great friends and they are fantastic with my children (they were teens when my kids were born) and the best babysitters (getting my own back!).

It’s been a joy watching them grow into adults and I love our relationship.

(I have 2 other siblings who are much closer in age to me and we have a different relationship as we ‘grew up together - no better or worse, just different).

It will be different every time, won't it?

I was 9 when my brother was born - I'm now 64 and he's 55. We are very close and always have been because I did some of the raising of him (partly because Mum was ill in hospital for prolonged periods of time from when I was 15).

When I went to university, he was quite traumatised, however.

I am very close to him, his wife and both daughters. We have another brother who is 3 years older than me and we don;t get on with him at all!

I’d like to give the perspective of the older child with a sibling who was 9 years younger.

It was really rubbish BUT that was because of some really poor parenting choices by my mother.

My younger sister was allowed to absolutely destroy my stuff and if I got upset I was told I needed to share, I was jealous, didn’t like having a sibling etc.

I was always told that as I’m the oldest it was my responsibility to get on with her which is hard when your pictures are torn up and walls are drawn on when you’re 10.

I remember very vividly feeling very pushed out - I’d talk to my mum about school and my younger sister (5 or 6 by now) would interrupt and my mum always deferred to her so I just felt very very lonely and unheard.

If she had been more sensible about nurturing our relationship it may have been very different - I was very unhappy for my later childhood.

My boys have 5 years between them and I’m very careful not to do the same and they have a great relationship (although they’re autistic so it’s a different vibe).

You can make it lovely for them OP - congratulations.

We have 10 years between child one and child two and five years between child two and child three!
It's easier in a lot of ways as the older children can entertain themselves rather more, but there were times when the 15 year old, for example wanted homework/emotional help and with a baby and a five year old we weren't always in the best mindset to offer it!
Also, we're coming up to the end of children at home, and it seems to have gone on forever but then, I am sad at thought of it already!

I have two that age apart, but with other siblings in between. They don't really do much together but they don't not get on either.

Having a big age gap does make it harder to do stuff they all enjoy but I think all kids need one- to-one time anyway.

I personally think relationships between kids and parents are waaay more important than between siblings - psychologically at least.

I have DS who is 23, and DD who is 12, so my gap is 11 years. DS is autistic so it took him a bit of time to get used to a small wriggly baby sister. And when DD was about 2, she struggled to accept that I was DS's Mummy too! But they share a very special close relationship.

My daughter was 10 when my son was born. She was an only child beforehand and had always hoped to be a sister. She has been great with him. She loves to help out and, now he's older, they really are best friends. She sometimes gets aggravated by him and he gets banned from her room, but they really love eachother! The challenge has been trying to make sure that I'm spending enough time with her as he is obviously demanding. Congratulations on your new baby.

I'm 9 years older than my brother. We played together a bit when he was 2/3 and then I took on a very maternal role. Still do now and he's 27! Always got on well but it's not the same dynamic as regular siblings.

I think it really depends on the personalities involved since I had a very different experience to some of those above. Mine are 8 years apart (like you, fertility issues - that gap was never the plan) and despite us trying to the best of our ability to ensure that everything was kept on an even keel, DS1 actively resented his younger brother for many years. They get on well now but it took the best part of 15 years to get to that point. Family activities were always an issue since the age difference meant that they wanted/needed to do different things and it was heart-breaking when DS2 desperately wanted to play with DS1 who permanently rebuffed attempts to be friends. As I say, they get on now but I don't think they will ever be the best of friends - which is so sad

Don't have enough experience yet to give a comprehensive answer but what I do know so far..

Dd1 is 11, dd2 is 10 months

Less jealousy than I've seen in younger children, but it is still there. I think that probably depends on the baby's temperament though - dd2 is quite clingy and high needs so I just haven't been able to devote a good amount of time to dd1 as dd2 needs me so much. With a more chilled baby that might be less of an issue.

As a pp said, completely different interests so things Dd1 enjoys doing dd2 can't do (bowling, roller skating, board games etc) so I imagine that will be tricky as we go along..

Dd1 does help out sometimes (getting me a nappy, watching baby while I do a chore etc) and entertains dd2 for short periods of time when she feels like it. I try not to expect it as Dd1 is not the parent and I feel like it isn't her responsibility, but it's helpful and I'm grateful when she does.

Dd1 loves her very much and dd2 absolutely adores her big sister, I think she's probably her favourite person (she definitely gets the most smiles and laughs!) so it's lovely in ways. I think I'm extra sensitive to Dd1 feeling upset about getting less attention because I was so worried about that when I was pregnant and unfortunately it just is that way and there's only so much I can do about it because dd2 is a baby and needs what she needs 🤷‍♀️

7 year age gap, different sexes, they tolerate each other at best, and I have never tried to force them to get on. It essentially feels like having two only children, if that makes sense.

9 years between my SD (13) and ds1 (4) it's mostly great, was certainly easier the first couple of years because big sis loved the baby and toddler stage but as she's grown up she wants to do her own thing, on phone etc much more and no longer wants to play with her little brother, which is understandable but sad. I feel at this stage is when the age gap really shows, holidays can be tough to decide on what to do

My 16yo and 7yo DCs get on really well and now hang out together despite the age gap. It was great when my youngest was a baby because his brother was old enough to watch him while I had a shower or to play with him / entertain him for a few minutes, or take him out for a little walk in the buggy when he was a bit bigger. It made things much easier for me in those hectic early days.

As the younger sibling, I didn't find it ideal once I got to about 10/11. Always at very different life stages and it was hard to keep the bond going until I also hit middle age.

My husband and his younger sister have 10 years between them. As a teenager he took more of a caregiver role, babysitting and (when he was old enough to drive) picking her up from school, etc. She worshipped the ground he walked on. Now they have a great relationship as adults, they go to the cinema, theatre, football matches etc just the two of them. The gap hasn't stood in their way at all.