Can I ask if anyone has kids 9 years apart, what’s it like?

My sister and I have an 8 year age gap and have always gotten on very well, as kids and adults.

My brother is 11 years older than I am. The biggest issue is that he was an only child for most of his childhood and he really resented me existing (and still does sometimes I think, though he’d never admit it). My parents overcompensated on making him feel like he was still important, the firstborn, the #1, so as a result I really became a second-class citizen. They also strongly pushed for him to have a sense of ownership over me, that I was HIS little sister, so for a long time he was also quite controlling in terms of dictating to me what I liked or disliked and even what my personality was like. It was bizarre and not healthy.

So my biggest suggestion would just be to not overcompensate. Make sure he still gets 1:1 time with you guys, but also be watchful for him developing any kind of resentment towards his sister or a feeling that he is somehow “above” or “better” or “more important” than she is. My parents thought they were doing the right thing but it didn’t turn out that way!

So I'm an only child and also have a 9 year age difference between both my boys. Youngest is now 6.
Big age gap due to complications getting pregnant.
I thought it would be fine having a big age difference, thinking they wouldn't argue - boy how wrong was I! They still argue like cat and dog, however alongside that, they love one another deeply. Oldest teaches the youngest so much, he takes him to the shops, helps with reading, loved teaching/helping with Lego. It's very nice to watch when they are getting on.
I wish the age gap wasn't as big as it is but there are also huge advantages. We can leave youngest at home with the oldest whilst we shop!

There is 9 years between my brother and I and I have an 8 year gap with my 2dc.

i was 9 when my brother was born. I don’t recall too much about it because he was a clingy baby and we weren’t close at the time. Now as adults we are close and the age gap is nothing, I’m 45 this month and he’s 36 and has his life far more together than I ever will!

with my own two it has been up and down to be honest. They’re now 19 and 11 and get on pretty well, ds is the eldest and has left home for university so they get on even better now!

what I found hard when they were little was finding something to do to entertain them both and apart from swimming it was impossible really and we tended to split up and do things with them separately which worked for us. As they got older it became much easier and continued to be that way. They do argue sometimes but love each other fiercely. It’s not what I would have chose age gap wise but it is what it is. You just make it work 😊

My sister is 9 years older than me and we have always got on in brilliantly.when she left home at 18 I was bereft and only then did my mother realise that she did everything for me.i couldnt tie my shoelaces etc because she had always done it for me

Almost 8 year gap between my 2, now in the 20s and teens.
Easy at first - no jealousy issues, and older one was happy to help by fetching nappies etc. We just carted the baby around on holiday and I’d mind him while DH and DS1 did activities. Swimming was something we could do together. We liked Go Ape where there was a play area for DS2. Alton towers was good for a treat as well. We’ve done Disney Paris- with younger one in pushchair, going on the kiddy rides & activities and getting ready for sleep time , pyjamas on and milk, while in pushchair and then reclined off to sleep while 12 year old watched fireworks. We did plenty of country walks with DS2 in a carrier. Cinema treats often involved seeing two different films at roughly the same time …

Harder when DS1 was a teen and found Ds2 annoying, but that didn’t last too long.
Worked out fine overall - no regrets!

M23 M21 and F12 here. They sort of ignored her when she was a baby; they didn't have any animosity towards her, but they weren't dying to hold her or feed her or anything either. Since she was a toddler, though, they've enjoyed playing with her, they're protective of her, and they in general have really good relationships.

10 years between my 2 sons (now 13 and 23). For DS2 it's a bit like being an only child. DS1 experienced sibling life more. It's great. I love having my adult son and my horrid teenager.
I do feel a bit like I've been raising kids for ever. It's mostly just me and DS2 now (lone parent) and we are close.
I have a large family so they have lots of cousins.
It's worked well for me being on my own a working full time. I can leave DS2 home alone quite a bit now so I can get out in the evening and not be with a teenage boy!

I had a sister who was 10 years younger than me. We laughed til we couldn’t breath, I loved her more than life it self & would’ve killed for her, I’d never felt like that about anyone before. Then she suddenly turned against me, & I’ve no idea why. My mother said that she was jealous of me.

I have a 13 year old, a ten year old and a 3 month old who was not planned but very much wanted and loved. It has so far been amazing. Good luck OP.

The youngest in our family is a bigger age gap than yours and is utterly adored by his siblings. Its so nice having so many more people loving them than just their parents. And a toddler melts a teenager’s strops like nothing else.

I read the title as if anyone has 9 kids years apart 😳

My mum has this age gap with her brother. She has said it was difficult. They were always at different stages and didn't spend a lot of time together. Reading between the lines, I think the little brother became the golden child. My mum left home the minute she could and her relationship with her parents was never great. It had such an impact on her that when she struggled to have another baby after me she stopped ttc when I was 8 so I am an only.

So please don't make the mistake my grandparents did and lavish all your attention on the new baby!

Another thing for my sister was that I was allowed much more freedom (obviously times had moved on considerably and may not be so similar in the next few years) but I was able to go out, go further and come in much later than she ever was.

That didn't go down so well!

I had a similar situation to you. Eldest DD is 14 and youngest DD is 4. In my personal opinion, it felt like I had an only child each time as when youngest DD came my eldest was in school and ì was home with the little one. For me it worked brilliantly because I felt I gave each of them the time they needed as they grew up without fightingfor my attention. Another good thing is that because they are in different stages in life there are not arguments about toys or sharing 😁

The only downside is that it is difficult to plan days out for both girls given the age gap, but as oldest one is a teenager she likes staying in the house if we go to the playground or for a walk but she will happily come tonthe farm or the zoo and she really enjoys it.

I think it has good things and bad things but as it would be regardless of the age gap.

Enjoy it. It is priceless to be able to have another child when you have already convinced yourself that it would never happen 😊

I have four - 13, 11, 4, 1. I also had secondary infertility- the gap between 2 and 3 was not meant to be so big!

anyway, the 13 and 4 yr old get on brilliantly. The 13 yr old is old enough that the 4 yr old has always seen her as an adult. They play together but also big sis does bedtime or can supervise bath, get her dressed etc.

it can be tricky finding things the whole family can do but we try to have quality time with the older kids when the wee ones are in bed.

congratulations!

Hi OP, our DC3 is now 3 months old and our older DC's are 7 and 9. We worried about the age gap especially as the older two are close in age but they are wonderful big brother / sister and the bond they have with DC3 is absolutely beautiful. I wonder now why we were ever worried.

My Godchildren have this age gap. What I would say is be careful, don’t spoil the longed for second child. Don’t have different rules compared to the first child. Expectations of behaviour should be the same.
I love my Godchildren dearly, but their parents have definitely not done the sibling relationship many favours by allowing the desperately longed for second dc to rule the roost.

It's lovely. My girls are 9.5 years apart, now 13 and 4 and so so close and really adore each other. Wouldn't change it for the world

I was the younger one in that situation.

She would play with me/take me to the park sometimes (this was donkey's years ago). She'd boss me about as though she was my mum!

Different education as I went to a grammar and she went to the Sec Mod.

We argued a lot but we got on as adults. I was closer to her children when they became adults.

But really I mostly felt like an only child.

I have 12 yrs between Dc 1 & Dc 3, 14yrs between Dc1 & Dc4, 9yrs between Dc2 &DC 4 - There will be almost 20yrs between Dc 1 &Dc 5 , 15yrs between Dc 2 & Dc 5 & 8yrs between Dc 3&Dc 5!!
Ive found all the ages between them great tbh- They are now 19,15,7,5 & baby due march. Eldest is a girl, then 2 boys, youngest 2 are girls. They all really do get on great

8 years difference here too between my boys. My oldest is now almost 10 and my toddler is 1 and a half years old. They love each other so much! My oldest helps me by playing with him when I need to do something and absolutely loves the way his brother is always happy when they play together. My maternity leave was amazing too, I would drop the oldest one at school and have the morning to do things with my baby. For us has worked amazing.
on the other hand, my oldest gets bored when we all go out as a family to do things the baby can do since he finds them boring.
I feel like I was able to enjoy them both while babies. Some of my friends who have kids close in age are always struggling while we are just having an easier time

I have that gap between mine. I never enjoyed the baby stage and didn’t want two young children close together. Ds is 10 now and dd 19 and they get along brilliantly. No jealousy. No fighting. Just lots of laughing together and dd can do the odd bit of babysitting! The only thing is that as dd is getting older and going to university etc (she’s in second year) Ds is really sad and misses her so much, he cries when she goes back!

My sister and I are 9 years apart and have always been close. More so now as adults

Lived through it youngest is 10 eldest is 19 😀

I'd say it's been fabulous but long winded! I mean if I had 2 late teens I'd be off and away living a dream of independence 🤣.

But i do love having a 10 yr old, it worked out fine.
Eldest was at secondary school with 3 yr old at home going to nursery etc. think it helped keep the eldest grounded and me at home with dinner on the table, calm bed time etc
When eldest was 13/14 he would baby sit and help me out . I think he'll be a great dad when's he older.