Anyone just done with life at middle age

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, Op. 💐
It sounds as if you need to find a new direction in your life. As you’re child free, the world is pretty much your oyster! This is a small change, but I took up long distance swimming
at 40 and it’s really helped me physically and mentally. It feels like a real achievement to learn and become competent at something in your 40’s-I could just about do a length before I had lessons, now I can swim a mile and swim it well.

Learning a language is another great mental stimulation ( I’m not doing it but a friend is learning Italian). I think you needs to find some new things to throw yourself into, you’re still fairly young and can do so much with your life.

It does feel that moments of joy are obliterated by elderly parent stress. I'm sure I've had some this year but the last few weeks have knocked it out of my head.

I'll probably get heavily criticised for this but...
OTOH I know what you mean and never saw much value in life

OTOH I have a lot of good things happening and in many ways life is grand. But the elderly parent problem and the prospect of old age...

I don't think any of my problems relate to my age particularly, if that makes sense? I have far fewer worries than in my 20s.

I don't think life is a blessing but I do think things are particularly weird compared to ...2019!

I’ve had odd bits if my life where it felt a bit like this. I have had proper depression too.
The key (when you can, assisted by meds if necessary) is to work to change the drudgery bits (where possible - I get being a sandwich between kids and elderly parents, but you can still look for practical help) and to find a hobby which totally engrosses you so your moment of joy come at least weekly when you take part. Mine’s a choir where we sing fiendishly difficult music - life affirming stuff.
There’s isn’t a point to life beyond finding what brings you and yours joy. Don’t look for significance. Look for everyday beauty.

No I’m the opposite

YABU

YSBU I’m in my 60s and don’t feel remotely like this.

🌷I think it is very good to share these feelings as life is not the complete blessing we are often lead to believe it is. But I would also along with all the good advice and thoughts here OP say that how you feel is not just about you - we are dealing with a dehumanising culture and political and social situation that in itself -in my opinion - does not value the everyday lives of ordinary people. So how you feel is not a failing on your part but an understandable reaction of a sensitive thinking person. So as well as getting help, get a bit angry at how things are and even just helping at charity thing, or making tea after a church thing or helping at a school thing where you are with people trying to make everyday life better by doing a little bit of something positive might make you feel that 10% better . And sometimes 10% is all we need to then do something else that makes us another 10% better. and little by little we move ourselves towards moments of appreciating life again. all best everyone

Yes I feel the same.
No money, hit 51, OH older, so probably will be dealing with illness : death in the next 10 years. Life feels a slog. Plus in the midst of menopause and facing some health conditions myself.

OP - I feel for you. It’s completely understandable you feel this way, but please don’t give up hope.

I’m also 40’s and have moments where I wonder what the point is, but it’s not constant.

this age is really difficult - lots of my friends are struggling with big life events.

would suggest going to doctor and get a change of anti depressants. Different ones can really make a difference

I hear you completely!

Yes OP, feeling similar to you and came on to write a similar post but found yours first.

I feel I've never had a proper life. Had parents who split when I was very small and were so focused on themselves I just got dragged through 2 decades of various trauma. Escaped that but took it all with me in my head and was so alone and confused, unprepared in the world. Spent my 20s making huge mistakes, squandered what could have been so many opportunities had I been a different person. Never married. Just used and ended up on my own, completely alone looking after DC through my 30s. Barely ever doing anything for me, always doing everything on my own. Worked hard but any time I'm not working it hits me. Now I'm early 40s, and just feel sad and like there is no hope.

You go to the GP and they will give you whatever dose of something. That will numb it, repress it a little. You can go to therapy to complain about it over and over but that doesn't change the fact you're feeling this way because life is boring and hopeless. And people say try doing something new but that's hard when you have kids, can't go out much by yourself. And noone wants to make new friends.

I'm not sure what the answer is. I don't like self pity. Or drinking to take the pain away. Or eating. Xmas feels really pointless. But I have the sense lots of people are feeling this way. Maybe some are just better at distracting themselves than others.

Yes, I hear you. I think its in combo the menopause and the fact that everything seems so grim, unpleasant, uncaring and hard in the UK at the moment. And seeing so many family members struggling with kids with awful unmet needs and caring needs and no answers or help in sight.

I can see where you are coming from ut not as bad as you.

At my age I feel o should be sorted for life now.

In a good paying job, life sorted and should be able to start enjoying life, holidays etc.

Instead the huge fuck up in this country,.cost of living crisis.

It seems every few days there is a new Crisis. Is the electricity gonna go off?

Nothing available on shelves, having to wait weeks for delivery of simple things. I've been waiting over 2 months for car parts.
Mortgage rates.

All the strikes.

Basic sevice being disrupted.

What should be a time to enjoy all the hard work over the last few years, f'ed up just by circumstances.

I think this is a sign you need to make major changes to your life.
What were your dreams when you were younger? Can you take some concrete steps to change things?

Yes I relate to this - just feel like I’m trapped really. And this grind of never ending cycle of work and paying bills.

If you think your 40s are bad wait til you get into your 50s. It's so bad I can't wait to be 60 in July lol. I would suggest having your bloods checked, I felt like this a couple of years ago and I was diagnosed with an under active thyroid. I'm now on meds and feel so much better 😊.

This. I’ve felt the same way since I was about 23/24 after my first love ghosted me. I did have a few years of feeling up when I met someone that I thought would be with me forever then he cheated and that was that. I was around 40 then and have felt this way for over ten years.

I'm in my late forties now and have felt like that for a year or so. I think it's part perimenopause, part boredom and distinct lack of excitement or anything new or magical in life these days, and part that my teenage kids seem to speak so rudely and disrespectfully to me and, whilst they do still need me, they don't think they do, and parenting them is an impossible and thankless task! It can make me feel very down. However! I got myself a dog about a month ago, a 10 month old puppy who has definitely improved things. I spend time outside walking and training her and she actually wants my time and attention! Have you the opportunity to try something new? Something that suits you that's just for you?

Yes I feel the same. 47 and for the last few years life has just become a boring endless drudge of work and constantly worrying about my teen dd (I love her with all my heart but fuck me is she hard work).
I'm probably Peri menopausal too and I have bipolar, add to that the shit show that has been the pandemic,cost of living ect ect it just all feels a bit shit don't it?
I do try to find joy in things but finding it increasingly harder.

I'm 38. I would say on a day to day level I'm fairly contented, but the thought of another 40 or 50 years of life makes me feel decidedly negative.
I have 3 children, 1 is autistic and his future worries me. My parents are still in good health but I worry about how life will be when this changes. I love my DH but we rarely have fun together. We work, we pay bills, we do stuff with the kids. We both have stressful jobs.
Maybe it will feel different when the children are less demanding. I seem to spend a lot of time worrying.

YANBU. The unkind part of me would say you're lucky to have reached 40 before realising that life is a pointless struggle. Many of us reach that conclusion a lot younger.

I have no desire to die anytime soon, but life is overrated!

I get it. I would say I'm content, but it's tinged with the nagging feeling that this is it: it can't get better from here.

I'm getting older. Dh is quite a bit older than me, so looking at illness or death for him a lot sooner than me. I'll probably be a widow by my 60s, but will be too haggard to pull.

I'm where I want to be in work, but am dangerously expensive, so worry I will walk the walk of the middle aged educator.

My body will never be as fit as it is now and even now, in not as fast as I was. My knees hurt.

Feel the same although I am a bit older. Wake up every morning and wish I hadn't. Just feel I don't have much to live for. I'm always somewhere between slightly or hugely tortured by events past and I can't see that ever changing. I could go travelling in a few years and sometimes I wonder if I might like to do that but the reality is I'd be just as miserable.