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Original poster

Is it really weird to imagine your DH dead a lot?

31 replies

LeftOnAShelf · 21/12/2022 16:20

Or just gone.

I find it impossible to leave him. I'm in therapy. I've read the books, listen to divorce podcasts etc. But I just can't imagine a future where I leave him. can't imagine saying the words. losing our home. it would get so bitter. He would go so mad. The kids would be caught in the middle. It would be beyond awful.

anyway. I can't do it. I think I want to but I'm nowhere near doing it.

But in the last 6 months all I think about is him dying. Sorry. that makes me crazy no?

But I just imagine him not there anymore. Just gone. Like right now he just took the car off for a drive somewhere and I thought "he might die" and then felt free. And then guilty. And then felt confused.

I think about it all the time. A habit I can't break.

It's not normal is it?

OP posts:
Bestcatmum · 21/12/2022 16:35

Yes I was exactly the same. I kept thinking if he died it would all be over. I could get the insurance money and it would be ok. But truth is I needed to act. It was taken out of my hands anyway. One day he upped and left and never came back. I then had to deal with it then and after a while it was OK. I've never been happier.
It's your subconscious telling you it's time to do something about it.

Original poster
LeftOnAShelf · 21/12/2022 16:35

Yeah - it does feel invasive. Basically every time he leaves the house - I think he might die, then I think "Oh he won't now, because I've thought of it" and then as I say, feel guilty and confused. The thought process comes into my head every time i say goodbye to him. It's exhausting and so dark. I don't want him to die. I don't hate anyone enough to want them to die. I went to therapy in the hope to stop these thoughts happening but she wants to keep talking about my past and all other things and the thoughts are more regular and more intense than ever.

OP posts:
Watermelonsugarcube · 21/12/2022 16:29

I kind of get where you’re coming from, I’ve never admitted this in real life but there were times I wished my ex husband would die.

Deep down I never actually wanted him to die, but was scared to leave and him dying would’ve taken the decision away from me. In my case it was embarrassment of admitting to people that my marriage had failed (I married too young and plenty of people were sceptical, turns out they were right), which I realise sounds ridiculous written down.

Anyway, I left him and it was the best thing I ever did and so, so much easier than I ever imagined. Life’s to short to stay in a miserable marriage x

Iwritethissittinginthekitchensink · 21/12/2022 16:27

It sounds like an intrusive thought in relation to the anxiety you’re experiencing. Like the mind seeking an easy way out of a situation because you can’t see any logical way out of it.

It also sounds like you’re catastrophising about what would happen if you leave your DH. Would it help to think slowly/carefully through baby steps of potential solutions? I used to catastrophise about losing my job a lot (no particular reason) but once I actually faced a potential redundancy and had to think through what I’d do (prepare my CV, research and practice interview technique, looked at some job ads etc) it all began to feel a bit less scary.

If your mind feels a bit more prepared about realistic next steps and how you might need to prepare yourself and arming yourself with the tools/support you need, the intrusive thought might just drop away by itself.

Meandyouandyouandme · 21/12/2022 16:25

I had the same thoughts, I’m now divorced, it’s not as bad as you may think to get divorced.

Namechanger355 · 21/12/2022 16:21

No not normal. Please speak to someone else more experienced about these thoughts. I’m sorry you are going through this.

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