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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not send my child to rough local secondary

90 replies

BelleMarionette · 13/12/2022 20:48

Local secondary is rough as nails, think stabbings both in and out of it, horrific local pupil behaviour. Results are poor, including both absolute scores and value added. Saying this, while it undersubscribed, some local families do choose it.

My DC's best friend goes there and they wanted to go their too. I said no, and they are taking the bus to a school in a much more affluent area. The pupil behaviour is miles better, as are the exam results and value added. However, they didn't know anyone there.

They are now begging to go to the rough local school. To be with friends, and because of the soft approach of the local school.

It may be snobbery, but the behaviour of the pupils meant I wasn't even willing to view the local school.

Aibu

OP posts:
SouperNoodle · 13/12/2022 21:15

YANBU
My DC are 3 and 4 but I already know there's no way in hell I'll send them to our local high school as it's so bad, it's had multiple stories in worldwide papers. (George Takei actually shared an article about said school)

Goawayangryman · 13/12/2022 21:14

So how many actual pupils have been stabbed on school grounds?? This is so vanishingly rare ...

Results can also change massively inside a few years. I mean, I wouldn't actively choose a crap school for my kids but equally it isn't good to give them no agency and you need to be sure of your data. When you picked the school in question, the data would have been from 2018 or 2019, or even earlier. Is it still as bad now, in 2022? If so, that isn't good. But schools can and do change. Leadership is everything.

underneaththeash · 13/12/2022 21:11

ZenNudist · 13/12/2022 21:01

It's snobbery as you say but nit unreasonable. Please don't call those kids rough. They have poorer backgrounds and lacking in opportunities. They've been raised that way but there's nothing wrong with aspiring for better for your dd

It costs nothing to behave and work hard.

panko · 13/12/2022 21:08

Better than being stabbed

Goawayangryman · 13/12/2022 21:06

On the face of it, of course YANBU.

But I'd be concerned your child isn't having an ok time at their current school. What do they say about why they don't like it? If it's just (reasonable) stricter rules and the newness of it, then I think that's one to suck up. If it's something more fundamental then that might need more talking....

GivenchyDahhling · 13/12/2022 21:02

Nope, absolutely agree with what you’re doing.

What I would say though, is avoid letting DC know your reasons (for now). It could easily be passed on to their friend and be hurtful to the friend and their parents who have made/had no option but to have made that choice.

ZenNudist · 13/12/2022 21:01

It's snobbery as you say but nit unreasonable. Please don't call those kids rough. They have poorer backgrounds and lacking in opportunities. They've been raised that way but there's nothing wrong with aspiring for better for your dd

Cherryana · 13/12/2022 20:58

This is when you are the parent with the long view and you trump your child's wishes.

Mosaic123 · 13/12/2022 20:56

He is over 30 now and still sees friends from primary and secondary school.

Mosaic123 · 13/12/2022 20:55

My son went to a different school from all his friends, and anyone, from primary school.

He kept quite a few of his old friends and made new ones at the new school.

I told him if he wanted to keep his old friends he needed to make sure he saw them and that it might mean he would need to initiate the contact repeatedly.

As long as they were happy to see him he might have to be the instigator on permanent basis as he was the one that had moved away from the friends.

This plan worked.

Ballygoforwards · 13/12/2022 20:53

I’d send her to the more affluent school. She’s 11. You’re the parent, you make the decisions.

She’ll make friends quickly enough.

Brandybucks · 13/12/2022 20:52

Nope I think that is the very definition of reasonable! Id do the same. Can’t you persuade the best friend to move too?

MarshaBradyo · 13/12/2022 20:51

How long have they been at the school? Ie are they year 7 and still want to move

MrNook · 13/12/2022 20:49

doubt*

MrNook · 13/12/2022 20:49

I don't anyone would say YABU

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