To not send my child to rough local secondary

YANBU. We had the same dilemma.

Majority of DDs Y6 class applied for the local high school. Which is renowned for violence/bullying and school unable to cope/deal with it. Usually isolating/suspending innocent party to dissolve situation temporary instead of tackling head on. Grades also poor. OFSTED and governers are involved with mutiple complaints.

Luckily our DD opted for the second, about a mile or two further out came through. Much better school/grades/moral and never hear of anything relating to bullying ect.

Unfortunalty the following year, they reduced the catchment arrear significantly as they were so inundated with transfers and applications. After already raising capacity due to demand. Luckily for us, with DD1 already attending, DD2 had a secured placement.

It is now the highest picked school in local area having to turn away over half of applicants.

I myself do not drive, but knowing my DDs are in a safe and happy environment is worth the walk they do daily. (No bus route)

Stick with what you feel though, Y7 is a massive change with blended classes from multiple schools and new friendships at any school, and not guaranteed to be with familiar faces. DD1 started with only 2 people from her primary. Neither in many lessons. DD2 no one from primary. Both settled in within a week or two with new friendships and couldn't be happier.

Also a relief for me daily after hearing some of stories from other schools.

Side note....they are also still in contact with primary school friends . So still have maintained them friendship groups outside of school.

Maybe even speak to the school if they are feeling a little isolated/homesick from old friends. They may have a "buddy" system in place which encourages new friendships for them to pair up with pupils in same classes ect.

Good Luck though OP x

My son is all grown up now but to this day I am still so glad I didn’t send him to the local school for the reasons you’ve mentioned. I genuinely do not know one child from his group of friends in primary who got on ok there. I got a little bit of stick at the time as some of the other mums thought there’d be safety in numbers so to speak, there wasn’t any safety from what I saw over the years. Best decision i made was to put a placing request in and I ended moving into the catchment area at a later date.

I was the kid who got sent to the rough secondary school so please, for the love of your daughter and the importance of her education, let her go to the affluent school. Please.

Stabbings? It’s not snobbery to send her to the other school. It’s protecting her life.

There have been two stabbings at my son's sought-after grammar school in the last 6 years.

Sorry not really the point of your post. Of course YANBU to want your child to stay at the better school. That said I went to a super amazing everyone wants to get in here school and hated it so much I did shockingly poorly in GCSEs cos I was so unhappy

🤣

@BelleMarionette honestly, bit of time to settle in and she'll be fine. As I got older and heard how bad things were at the local school I was pleased I wasn't there. I still live around the same area and I'm determined my DS won't go there, it hasn't changed.

You haven't mentioned your DD age but I'm assuming she's year 7. I was a kid that didn't get sent to the local rough secondary. Very few of my class mates were from my area. At first I hated it. Not only a new environment but I found it difficult to make friends when they already had their own groups that they had spent primary with. I'd say it was the second year I gradually extended my friend group. By the time I left I had a group of friends that didn't live local, this didn't effect our friendship though. I chose not to go to my local college either. I wouldn't change her schools but I would be honest, my parents were with me, and reassure her she will settle in.

@BelleMarionette i think you may live near me - are you West Yorkshire? If so not a chance in hell would i send my kids to that school YANBU

I made very similar decisions for my two and they are both glad I did.

You’re doing the right thing. That said there was a stabbing at DC’s outstanding Ofsted /amazing results school. It happens when hormonal teens are involved. Difference is it gets good results though

Are they year 7? There's normally a resetting of friendships after the first term. I'd hold your nerve. The one thing you might need to do is be prepared to do some driving at holidays and weekends to help friendships with non-local pupils.

In no way would I send my kids to a shit school. I would move heaven and Earth to get them into the best schools locally, including loving house.

Your child should have no say in the decision at their current age. You are doing the right thing in my opinion.

Just because you want your DC to go to the "better" school doesn't mean you will definitely get a place .
Yanbu for preferring the one you like better.

DS secondary was a bit rough but stabbings are next level rough so I would have said no.

I have made the same decision, I will not be sending my DD to the local school, it is absolutely feral. New HT has been brought in to try and fix it, but I doubt there will be any change for a long time, if at all. Im saying this as someone who grew up in rough areas and went to rough schools, fighting was just normal and happened every week. I was also the only one from my primary that went to the “posher” high school, which was just as bad as the ones my friends went to, just had a few more mc families.

The affluence (or lack of) of the area is not necessarily a factor in how good a school is. I take DS3 to a primary school that is out of catchment for us and in one of the town's worst areas because it is an excellent school. He was lucky to get in as they are always oversubscribed. Our local schools are awful and I refused to send DS2 to secondary nearby. Again, I drive him to a better school further away. DS1 had a horrific time at the local school before I could drive. There are no school buses here unless you meet the criteria for school transport (SEN, live miles away from any school etc) so you have to get your kids to where they go. YANBU to avoid a bad school but you may be a little U to assume that a "posher" school will be good.

My son started at the local secondary school. A mix really of kids from good and bad neighbourhoods. Not saying for all the school, but the kids in my sons class who cause the disruption and are little idiots all came from the posh housing estates, the follow school from the nice area.

Oh there'll be someone who will! Bleeding-heart liberal sorts who wouldn't dream of sending their Imogen there, but expect others to!

There is a reason children can't make decisions like this, and its up to the parents.

Of course you are not being unreasonable, you are making the best decision for the sake of your child's education and safety. Basically the definition of the job of parent.

You've done well to get him a place at a good school, if its a disaster the rough school will always have a places available.

No way. There were 6 schools in our town and I didn't take friends into consideration at all, we talked it through and although it was tricky to start, he didn't know anyone, it's worked out fine.