To not send my child to rough local secondary

Well I would say you're a bit unreasonable to say that without even looking at the school. But I didn't take friends into consideration when choosing my dcs schools (I did view all of the schools though...).

But it's more worrying that your dc is a term in and is still hankering after moving to the other school. I'd say you need to do some work to help them settle into the new school and focus on this for the next term.

I think if your child wants to go to that school, you should let them. He could just as easily be bullied and miserable and do badly at the other school and he'll also be resentful of the journey when he could have been nearby.
My son chose the rough local school (with very much a similar reputation to the one you are describing) that most people tried to actively avoid, and he absolutely thrived there. Made amazing friends (that he's still friends with as an adult) and got fantastic grades (as did his friend group). I did however, make sure I was actively involved with the school, and didn't just send him in and expect the teachers to do everything without me supporting him fully.

Anyway, BelleMarionette if it's a better school, why not?

I was sent to the school know locally for good behaviour, strict rules and good results.

I can out with a string of qualifications, no self esteem and no life skills.

CoffeeLover90 · Yesterday 22:52

You haven't mentioned your DD age but I'm assuming she's year 7. I was a kid that didn't get sent to the local rough secondary.

I got sent to a school 8 miles away, none of my real friends went. There were six kids from our school and with 150 kids in the high school year group, none of us in the same class. Most of us got bullied, as the other kids were local and had come up together.

The school had good results and better facilities, but it was probably rougher than the one close to us. Fights almost every day and no dealing with bullies. At 12, I was knocked out by a huge 17 year old and bit almost through my cheek.

He had to apologise to me and I had to apologise for provoking him. Quite how, I don't know. My dad reckons that someone dared him to hit the first person to come through the door.

Read again - the child has already started at the "better" school.

But leaving that aside, why is it a "shame" not to look around it? Why would OP waste everyone's time looking around a school she has no intention of sending her child to?

As long as there's no evidence of bullying at current school it would be a definite 'no' from me.
You need to tell your DC that it's not up for discussion - outlining the reasons why - and tell them to focus on making friends at the current school and maintaining friendships with those who went to the failing school outside of school if they so wish.

We made a similar decision based on quality of education offered (our local school wasn't even that rough) and I've never regretted it. It did take them a while to settle and make new friends but they did and dc1 recently decided to stay for 6th form.

In general I tend to roll my eyes a bit at parents who want to send their kids to school in 'more affluent areas' but in this case you are NBU. Stabbings would be an absolute line in the sand for me....

YANBU.
sent my son to an out of county school.
I felt it was much better than the local schools.

Give your DC time to settle into their new school OP. Moving to secondary, especially when going to a school where they know no one, is a big move and they need time to adjust. My DS left the school where all his friends were and it was tough for him to start with, but he loves it now and we have absolutely no regrets. We chose the right school for him and time has demonstrated how right we were to do that. Have the courage of your convictions, listen to your DC, but talk to him/her about why you chose the school they're at and stick with it.

It's a shame not to even look round it.

Well obviously YANBU. Why would you even ask? The issue is, will your DD be able to get into the better school if she's out of the area. Round here, if you don't live in certain areas, you've no chance of getting your kid into the top school

Snobbery has nothing to do with it, from your description it’s a bad school.

Make sure your child is as supported as possible in their new school - talk to the school if necessary. It’s not unusual for some kids to find the transition to secondary hard.

Focus on figuring out what your child needs to settle in. Be clear the local school is not an option.

I had similar situation with DN and DD. I chose the "better" school for DD. DD is now headed for Cambridge, DN didn't pass any exams...

If it's THAT school then the whole area has a problem with county lines, it's not confined to the school. And given that the police station is closing I cannot see the situation improving. I honestly would move house as well as school.

Could you speak to your DC to find out what's going on at their current school to see if there's something under the surface?

It might not be that they want to be at the other school, but because they've not settled in the new school they've got the feeling the grass is greener in their friends' school, especially if the friends are sharing how fun it is to be in a school where the leaders expect less of the pupils.

YANBU for wanting your DC to have a good education. Most people would do the best they can for their children.

The school is rough.

It is nothing to do with the children who go there socioeconomic backgrounds but their behaviour, their attitude and how weak the leadership team is.

Myself and most of my extended family have gone to schools where pupils have engaged in criminal behaviour. This includes recently. However the difference is pupils have the sense to do it completely off the school grounds due to the zero tolerance level of the school. Oh and the kids also know not to get caught doing it in logo parts of their school uniform.

So your dc has just finished the first full term and doesn’t feel settled in their school? That’s not great.

for your dc I’d say you can’t move within the year but would consider over the summer between year 7 and 8. Then contact your dcs form tutor, say they haven’t settled / are struggling to make friends etc, can they offer support.

Any friends your dc has at the new school, encourage / support the friendships, invite them over to yours over the holidays, etc.

focus on getting your dc to feel settled at the school they are at.

For me it would depend on how sociable your DD is with new groups in general, I went to a private school at 11 where I knew no one, I had an awful time settling in and making friends. I probably wouldn’t want my DD going to a school with issues as you’ve described if there’s a better option available, but I would be doing my best to help them settle in and maintain their friendships outside of school.

Oh fuck off.

this OP is one of those threads where I ask why has the OP bothered? What, exactly, is the point you’re making?

If you've already got a place and can afford to get her there I don't see what the problem is.

I would. She hasn't even viewed it yet.

My children go to a school a 30 minute bus ride away for this exact reason!
My son went first with some of his friends from primary school. My daughter however went without any of her friends so we booked her into summer school and she had made a few friends before she started.
Both are happy and doing well.
Over my dead body would either of them be going to our local secondary school.

Children only get one education so let it be a good one . No I wouldn't send my child to a rough school .