AIBU being annoyed about my sister's destination wedding

Sorry ignore the DH family suggestion

We faced the same issue a few years ago; wedding was 35 hour trip and would have cost around £7000 for us to attend. We skipped it in the end and nobody held it against us.

My first reaction is don't go. I definitely wouldn't unless this fit in with my holiday plans and budget for the year.

As an alternative, would you be able to enjoy it if you went alone? Ask sis if there'd be space for just you at the villa, and go if you want to. Would save a fortune and show willing.

YANBU

Could kids stay with DH family and cut your costs that way?

Otherwise I would drop out and get them a really nice gift.

Spend a fraction of the insane cost on counselling for yourself. As Billy said it's alarming that you didn't immediately say no. Your parents have trained you to put golden child sister first and you get relegated to babysitter on plane for your brother and his kids. And not even provide you with decent accommodation. They are being real bastards to you. Maybe the biggest gift to come from this is you start to push back for once. And don't stop.

Why not go by yourself and leave DH and kids at home?

just tell your sister it’s not practical to take little kids on a long flight and you can’t afford it anyway. Head off alone and have a lovely time.

No way I’d be going
-not taking kids to a destination that takes 30-40 hrs to get there
-not paying that kind of money - assume minimum 10k if flights and villa, not sure how long you’d stay, but hardly cheap place to go
-sister doesn’t really care if you go
-parents made you not have your wedding where you wanted it wasn’t a proper destination wedding, it was a compromise destination as your DH is Australian and he wanted family to come. I’d be so angry.
-you need the money to visit Australia

if your parents kick up a fuss, just say if she wanted me to come she would have it in xx town.
to your sister, I’d say we can’t afford it with having been to Australia recently and needing to go again, plus needing a (not brand new) new car and it’s not easy with the little children.

You might fall out with them a bit by saying you won't go, but I can guarantee you'll fall out with them if you make so many sacrifices to go.

She has kicked you out of the villa in favour of her childless friends....
it stops there for me.

Indeed. She's not really that bothered about having you there, it seems.

TBH I wouldn't go, I think destination weddings are incredibly selfish and entitled and a criminal waste of money.

I hate these destination weddings. One of my BFs got married in Australia (tbf she IS Australian but lives in UK with British partner) and I'd just had my second baby and we couldn't afford to go. I felt bad about it even though she was lovely.

My sister also had a fancy destination wedding in Italy - to which children weren't allowed - and honestly if she wasn't my sister I probably wouldn't have gone, as again it cost an absolute fortune to get out there and stay in a swanky hotel (there were no other choices - it was a swanky destination). TBF her husband's friends were all rich but for the bride's friends it was more of a struggle. The marriage only lasted a couple of years - I have a theory that the more you feel the need to publically prove how much you love each other as a couple with big expensive fancy dos like that, the more you know deep down that it's a mistake!

Apparently my parents learnt from their mistakes with us and don't want to interfere with my sister's plans.

Oh you will SO need to use this back on them "well, we went along with your pressure and ultimatum the last time and DIDN'T have the wedding we wanted or that my husband's family deserved, so we're learning from that experience and won't be caving to pressure to do something that will really disadvantage our family situation."

"The thing that really bothers me is that when my husband and I were planning a wedding in Thailand 10 years ago"

'We wanted to do it, but now my sister is actually doing it I am annoyed'

Sounds like your a little bit jealous OP?

We technically could just about manage it financially, but I am concerned about the rising costs of living and how that may affect us over the next 12 months or so. My brother will pay for his own flights, quite possibly drawing back on his mortgage. My parents will contribute to the wedding but I'd imagine it would be just be enough to cover the reception (as they did for mine).

YOU are wise to consider all this. The fact that your DB is considering ADDING to his mortgage for this is just beyond dumb. Hiw OWN wedding is one thing, his sister's? daft.

The being booted out of the main villa would be the decider for me @destinationisland Just decline the wedding, tell them that its too much in terms of money and logistics to go, and your bloody brother expecting you to help him with his kids when you have your own - you KNOW this travelling is hard with your own kids, and he wants to get pissed or nap while you look after your nieces - no. that ain't happening.

Yes of course this will go down badly with your parents, but so fucking what. LET them rant/rave - they are not paying for it and even if they were, it's still going to be a tortuous trip. Focus on your MIL

They're having the wedding they want and if your family were a priority then your dsis would be giving you accommodation over her friends. Can they really afford a wedding like that? Just say it's a difficult and expensive journey with young dcs for a few days.

If your parents complain be as firm with them as they were with you over the venue

PS I bet once you tell her, your brother will feel brave enough to drop out, too.

Destination weddings often put family and other guests under pressure financially and logistically. In this case, the travel with young children is huge and there's also this really unhelpful decision to remove your accomodation option. Plus the uncomfortable history.

I think you should drop out now before anyone can say it was 'last minute'.

As PPs said, you see them all the time. But you won't have the same opportunities to spend time with MIL.

the idea of traveling so far with two small children is bonkers.
I would not agree to it even if I had the money to spend.
Your sister has no respect for you, your brother or parents.
Idiotic idea.
I would tell her that.

She has kicked you out of the villa in favour of her childless friends....
it stops there for me.

Don’t go or at the very most go alone! Blame it on your MIL if you need to save relationships - say you have to keep funds incase she needs you!

It would be an easy no way from me, I think it's really selfish of your sister actually to even expect anyone to attend a wedding that far away. It doesn't sound like your brother should be going either tbh.

Do not go.

It's your sister's choice to have her selfish wedding in a remote place that costs thousands to get to.

"Through what company please?"

I'm not a travel agent 😅 but multiple airlines - Air France was one of them. Expedia is a good guide and then I find if you go direct to the airline you will often get a better deal plus occasionally some cashback.

I screen shot the adult prices to this thread but there were cheaper ones. That was just the first date I searched for next summer 🤷🏽‍♀️

OP, it would be sad to miss the wedding, but if you can't afford it, then that is that, and your sister needs to accept it. You just need to stand firm, and rinse and repeat "we don't have the money", no wavering, no "we need to keep the money asided", simply "we don't have the money".

It is your sisters prerogative to have the wedding where she wants but she also then needs to accept that you may not be able to attend.

A friend of mine wanted to get married abroad, but none of us could afford to go and in the end they got married in the UK so everyone could be there.

Don't go. Tell them you're not going now. Consider changing your number before the bitching and moaning starts.

YANBU.