AIBU being annoyed about my sister's destination wedding

I'm with the posters who said you should go alone. You will probably spend far less than 1/4 your current projected costs because, if you go alone, you might be able to room w/ your nieces and/or brother/parents and save money that way. You need to save money so you can leave at a moment's notice to see MIL if she takes a turn. That's reality and you'd never forgive yourself if your DC and DH missed time w/ her.

Going alone also eases family drama and you still support your sister w/out breaking the bank. You'll save thousands this way. To me, that's the best compromise.

Personally I would not put myself in debt for my sisters wedding. Not only do you have flights but accommodation and then probable hire of a car. Let your sister know that you cannot go because of the amount of money involved. If she mentions your brother who is "poor and single parent etc" then just say you are considering your own family as he is probably considering his. You are not your brothers keeper. I would cry off and wait for the photos. From where I sit I doubt you will enjoy it anyway.

My feelings would be hurt too if my family was initially included in the main accommodations are then are told we are not. I think that would have been the time I decided this trip was not going to happen for my family. I'm sorry this is happening.

“My sister wants me to spend £5,000 to travel to her destination wedding and won't let me stay in her villa - should I refuse to go?”

Stupid “journalist” 🙄

@destinationisland This is in the Daily Mail now btw!

(are we allowed to say that?)

Yanbu and you must do what is right for you and your family, your sister will be so involved in her big day she probably won’t notice who’s there or not.
People who choose destination weddings know full well that not everyone can attend inc close family, if they don’t then they’re delusional especially in these times.
Good luck in making your decision, family matters are not easy.

Just say to them you can't afford it.

If they want you to go that much they can pay for you all to go.

They won't.

£5k is ridicilous.

I wouldn't spend that on a holiday myself. So why someone thinks they can spend that for someone else I don't know.

I think it's a very sad situation when you think about it, you using up all of your savings, forgoing a much needed new car and the buffer of having stand by money for flights to Australia; your brother drawing back on his mortgage to go and your sister hinting to your parents to pay for their flights, talk about living above your means, your sister sounds incredibly self centred and selfish. I would be horrified to put that financial burden on my family. I hope you find the gumption to stand up to her op.

It's not sensible to go into debt for your own wedding. To do so for someone else would be insane. And you're on the edge of needing to do so by the sounds of it, and foregoing things you need to prioritize for your family.

Pass on the wedding.

Ignore your sister's demands and remind youself of your parents' hypocrisy over the disparate treatment between your wedding and your sister's if they kick off. Unless they're paying your bills, they don't get a vote.

If someone has a destination wedding that has absolutely squat all link to their family or fiancé’s, then they are clearly prioritising venue over guests.

So, as a consequence, I feel no guilt in declining.

When I got married, the venue was secondary to who was there.

and, as a consequence, it was truly special and the most wonderful loving, happy day. We married in central london, small wedding and most people simply got the tube!

If you have a destination wedding, you accept not everyone will come because of the expense and the leave.

anyone who doesn’t is completely unreasonable.

Woah she’s having friends staying in the main house but not you?

fuck that. Send a present and say you just can’t justify the expense with your ill MIL, especially as you can’t even be in the main house.

If you’d enjoy it as a holiday and your DC would love it , go. It’ll probably be worth the annoyance. But if it’s not worth the stress, don’t go and make an excuse or lie if you have to , to avoid family drama .

This is crazy. Send a gift

I’ve said YABU but that’s on response to you complaining about it. Their wedding their choice.

the bit you aren’t being unreasonable about is the expectation you go. If you can’t afford it, don’t want to, or whatever, that’s entirely up to you! Don’t worry that your brother can afford it - there’s one of him to pay for. Is it in school holidays or would you need to pull them out of school (not read the full thread, just wanted to explain my vote, will read through afterwards)? If I’m term time, use that as another reason not to go.

Hate to say it but some of this screams gaslighting.

I really feel for you, put yourself and your own family first because nobody else is going to

"I always thought we were close but kicking us out of the main house so her (childfree) friends can stay and party has honestly hurt me so much."

That's all I need to hear. You would be a fool to go - even just you (you'd be completely on your own and miserable, if so).

YANBU

Don’t go, ignore any negative response you get from the family.

They impacted your own wedding and your DH’s family and friends being there, now they get to expect you to spend a large amount of money and time off to attend a wedding which may affect your husband being able to see his sick mother. Put yourself in your husbands shoes, if I was in this situation I would have to put his best interests before this wedding.

Two words together I absolutely hate is 'Destination Wedding'. Save your money and don't go, not only have you been evicted out of the main house but your time there won't be your own. You'll have to dance to whatever nonsense the wedding party plans with probably little regard to your young children. I promise you, you'll have memories but they won't be happy ones. You say you've already been to Aus and you need a new reliable car and I'm afraid when adulting, limited to zero funds are the priority. I also hope that in a few years time you can renew your vowels in Thailand, surrounded by you DH family and friends xx

My sister is like my best friend we are very close but she chose to get married on a two week cruise, I couldn’t afford it so I couldn’t go and that was that. I’m sad I didn’t get to see her get married but that was what she wanted and I respect that.

Could you go alone?

YANBU
Are your brother and parents staying in the villa with your sister?
I wouldn't go - it's a hell of a lot of money! Some people spend that on a budget wedding of their own, not just as a guest!
If you get any flack from your family, I would tell them that it is simply too much money and that the change in accommodation has made it a lot more inconvenient with two small children, never mind the flights alone.
If they get funny with you, just remind them about what you would have liked for your wedding and that's its unfair to have one rule for one and one for the other!!
Also that it is very important that you leave enough money to one side (and leave), incase your husband does 'get that call,' in the future. You only get one Mother.
You could always plan a little party for your sister and your BIL for when they return, as a gift from you and your family. Hire a village hall or something similar, small buffet and invite people who were unable to make it to their wedding as a surprise. Still charge something per head to guests, but maybe hire the hall yourselves as the gift.
Good luck x

I’d just say that it’s going to be too difficult wit the children if not in the main villa. You were on the edge anyway but this has tipped the balance. So you’ve reassessed and you won’t be able to come.

I would not go. And I love my sister and she's never insisted that my own wedding was changed to suit her! but I simply wouldn't spend money on going to something that expensive that's effectively just a big party.
It will cause fall out but that has to be a price worth paying.. I imagine your husband is not impressed at the thought of you all flying for a party but not being able to fly home to his family.
The only thing I was wondering was whether you could use this as a jump off to go onto Australia? (And quite possibly not as the Pacific is huge). But if you could go, attend the wedding for a day or two, then travel on to Australia for a proper holiday with your dh's family then I'd consider it.

At the end of the day, you need to do what is right for your family. Others may not like it, however it's not on them that is having to do this and are in this position.

I had similar, I had a family member get married in Asia and my family live in Australia. Only Mum went, the rest of us stayed back. They streamed what they could and we made the best of the situation and celebrated when they got back.