AIBU being annoyed about my sister's destination wedding

YANBU.
personally, I’d prioritise seeing I’ll MIL while she’s still here. Best for your husband and children too.
Just tell sis your priorities ASAP. And maybe offer a generous gift as pp suggested.
Definitely don’t be guilted into attending the wedding.

Don't worry - I had to go back and check!

My apologies - misread the original post. In which case YANBU end of story!

You have a good excuse with small children and the cost of electricity and the living costs too .

Maybe tell them that you don’t want to talk about your financial situation as it upsets you too much but after lots of discussion you and your partner have had to make the heartbreaking decision to back out .

Maybe your hard up brother is getting some assistance with the cost ?

They will be too busy to miss you. Me being the cynic that I am around marriage, in ten yrs time when the photos are hidden in the attic out of the way of the new relationship you will be glad you didn’t go . Sorry that’s awful of me, I do apologise.

There will be lots who won’t be able to afford to go either, it’s too fair and way to expensive x

They didn't in the end, though. That idea got kyboshed by the parents.

It was local in the end.

YANBU, but you did set the precedent by getting married abroad…

40 hour flight with two kids under 6 😳😭😭😭🤣
No fkn chance, my idea of hell, mine were a 'mare just going on the bus to the next town at that age! 😁
If people want a destination wedding, they have to realise not everyone can come/ afford it.
If they have a problem with that, it's their problem, not yours.
Plus they're massively hypocritical if they moaned when you wanted to do it, if they complain if you say you can't go I wouldn't be letting that one slide!

Firstly why are you still here?? I would be packing husband house and home and relocating permanently to Australia! Secondly this is not about marriage it's a look at me self indulgent wedding, you sound really lovely put you and your family first and just don't go.

I would not even consider going in these circumstances.

Tell her no and stop worrying about it.

Err...which person thought you were BU? LOL

OP - This story has hit the wider media just to let you know.

Or you could mirror your sister's arrogance and pomposity and say that as the accommodation now on offer is 'wildly inappropriate' you have zero confidence in the plans and will be declining the invitation. Don't stay on the defensive fgs.

And no, you won't fly your family to Tahiti and back for 5k.

Did she come to your wedding at her own expense?

You are certainly not being unreasonable. She hasn't bothered taking care of you and the little ones in her plans and it's a massive financial commitment. My brother and SIL did the same thing, (not together😂separate weddings) we just didn't go. Doubt they missed us too much, no hard feelings, we all get on fabulous but no-one can expect anyone to commit that kind of money (or time off work). Imagine if they said they were having it at home but you've all got to chip in £500 for the wedding arrangements! same kind of thing...They did set up a live stream from the wedding and there were about 7 of us logged in all being part of the wedding virtually. I got to see it (despite being logged on at work so had to keep my camera and mic off!) Maybe you could suggest she does this? at least you will be part of the day.

Aplogiesnif I’ve missed it, but how many children do you have and how old? Your best bet schedule wise is almost certainly with Air New Zealand, but I can easily see that costing north of £2k per adult, and if the children need a seat then the same for them. And if they don’t, for 20 plus hours I’d have to get them a seat anyway…it’d be intolerable otherwise!!

So you’ve already blown £5k without a couple of weeks accommodation, food an entertainment. This trip will easily cost your family £10k, and while I’d be happy to spend that to go to a Pacific island, I’d want to do it at a time to suit me and as a fantastic holiday. Not to suit a demanding bride to be!

It was many years ago but when my dh and I decided to marry abroad we didn't expect anyone to come. It was for us, an exciting adventure, so a celebration at home should be an alternative. Considering what you went through for your own wedding, yes they are being unreasonable. I really just can't understand how some people expect others to spend a fortune for one day. X

I think you need to prioritse your husband and his family as it sounds like you need to visit them instead.

Save your pennies for a visit to Aus.

See family, especially your MIL. Celebrate a milestone birthday. Give your children memories of their Dads home and family.

It's still going to cost plenty but it's going to be money well spent. The guilt you'd feel if you don't see MIL will be harder to deal with than missing your sisters wedding when she's made it clear you're low down on the guest list.

@destinationisland I don’t think couples should invite guests to their destination wedding unless they’re paying for accommodation. £5k for flights alone is ridiculous, especially as it won’t be a proper family holiday where you can do what you want. Your ‘holiday’ will be dictated by your sister (who isn’t paying). Your brother is stupid for risking his mortgage payments to afford to attend his sister’s wedding.

It sounds like a massive waste of money. Don’t go! Spend the money on a family holiday somewhere you want to go to. Your sister will get over it.

Destination Weddings are the epitome of self indulgent bull-sh*t. Suggest a lovely Party/ Reception when they get home.

If your Dsis wants all her friends and family there then she should get married at home, and then have a fabulous beach honeymoon. If it must be a beach wedding they must accept that it's going to be a small wedding party.

Absolutely do not go and don’t feel guilty. This is a ridiculous expense. What a selfish couple expecting you to go!

I wouldn’t go. Sick to death of these destination weddings. Wish them well and say no thanks