AIBU being annoyed about my sister's destination wedding

@FleasNavidad a series of flights will take a long time because you get on and off, and wait in between. Presumably you are not accustomed to long flights because if you were you would know this. Flying cheaply is a long-winded deal.

It isn't flying time though is it, it's all stops. 24 hrs max

When my sister got married we drive 400 miles with two small children. We spent about 500 pounds in all and enjoyed every minute. However.. if it had been abroad at a cost of 5000 we would not have attended. Because we just could not afford that and the travel with two children would be so stressful.
YANBU at all. I would wish them well and offer apologies that you can't attend.

I wouldn't go. You've heard all the reasons so I won't repeat them. Save your money and go to Butlins for a rest. The kids would love it. Good luck.

I would be 100% dropping out.
you have perfect excuses.
I’d be saying you can’t afford it, and having to stay a mile away from everyone else has toppled the scales and you’re not going.
you also need to keep the holiday leave and money for emergencies encase you need a trip to Australia !! In fact I’d be booking and going there instead to visit your mother in law before she becomes too poorly, build some memories with your children etc..
Anyone who says ‘suck it up’ I would point out to them that you had to have your own wedding locally to suit your family and yet no one thinks anything of trying to force you to attend a wedding which will financially and emotionally cripple you!
I wouldn’t have even considered that long flight with 2 children if I’m honest and would’ve said from the announcement that I wouldn’t be in attendance and wish them both a lovely time.
what a cheek tbh!!…. I think you should’ve told your family no and you should’ve got married in Australia.
I’ll have a read of your responses now so don’t answer again if you’ve already answered this…. But what island takes that long to fly to?? Australia is only 24 hours and on the complete opposite side of the world to me… or is it so long on a plane then equally as long on a boat? You children are going to be bored out of their minds travelling that long!’ Sounds like torture for you as a family unit

Despite all of this fabulous advice and encouragement, I fear as the op can just about afford it, she will go ahead.

Cue spending most of their time on the periphery being located outside the main villa and traipsing around with children that the non parents don't want around.

YANBU Honestly that’s too much to expect, I can’t imagine expecting my family to manage that especially these days. Don’t go, be confident in yourselves and know that you have every right to make that decision, and have more than good enough reasons. You can explain why and that should be enough. Have faith that putting your own family first is enough. Good luck

With transit times and flights to smaller pacific islands - this is reasonable.

No way I would travel that long for a wedding with two young children. Don't go!

Don’t go. There’s enough to spend your money on with two children. Just say no, you’ve other commitments for the money. But don’t allow your sister to fall out with you over it and emotionally blackmail you. There’s something very entitled about destination weddings, hen parties, milestone birthdays etc.

Don’t go Op. it’s too much to ask and they should understand that. If it means that all your money gets sucked up in this then that’s not fair on your family. I’d just say sorry but you just can’t justify the huge expense given you have other financial family priorities.

Weddings and families are so difficult. Whilst the wedding was local my sister made us feel so unimportant, and made everything difficult for us ahead of her big day because it was very much only about it being her big day and it’s pretty much sealed our relationship now.
I would be wishing them well but staying home and if there is any fallout that’s on them not you!

Even if i shit money, there's no way I would pay 5k to attend a wedding,
Yanbu. Tell her you'll look forward to the pictures on facey and wish her well.

I do also feel sorry for your husband. My OH is Aussie and we live here so completely understood having a wedding here would limit attendees. My SIL, BIL and 2 nephews weren't going to attend but covid put a halt on it anyway. I held no resentment but was really pleasantly surprised at the 4 friends planning to come over from Europe. My DH also understood why we couldn't invite his whole extended family.

I would consider going on my own - I’m sure your sister could squeeze just you into the main villa. It would mean flight costs would be much smaller. Same thing happened in my husband’s family when his brother married abroad. His other brother couldn’t afford for the whole family to fly over but he came across on his own. I can’t imagine missing my sister’s wedding - if you’re close you may regret not going later on. Why not have a little break away and spend some time with your brother, patents and sister without worrying about making the trip with kids in tow?

Lack of attendance is one of the consequences of exotic destination weddings. It's lovely for them, but I would send regrets. If I were to spend that much on a trip, it would be in years to come when our family (me/partner/children) could really enjoy it. You may want to suggest to them that they have a reception of some sort when they return for those who cannot afford such an extravagant trip.

She expects you to travel this long distance but there isn’t room for you at the in the main accommodation? That doesn’t sound reasonable on her part. Who is staying in the main place? The whole thing sounds costly and you could go on a lovely family holiday for less by the sound of it. Just say that it’s too costly and with kids not convenient for you. Remind her of what happened about your wedding and that she could get wed without a destination wedding.

Maybe it's her way of ensuring you're not all there.

Choosing to marry abroad means your guests can choose not to go! I would politely decline for financial reasons, which in your case are valid. Wish them well and invite them to dinner on their return.

I would just say, 'sorry, it's too expensive.'
If people genuinely want their family and friend to go to their wedding, they should make it affordable for those people and easy to organise getting there. If they want to get married somewhere exotic, a long way off, or very expensive, they should either pay for people to go, or not expect them to turn up.
A compromise could be to have the formal, legal wedding (which is the bit that's important) here in the UK in a modest way, and then have a party abroad for those who want to/can afford to go.

Vows....not vowels....

@destinationisland

Any update?

Instant no from me. I would have just told her straight away to be honest.

In which case don't go. It sounds like a life changing sum of money that you can't afford.

Sorry but I think this is a ridiculous destination for a wedding if you expect people to attend. Very beautiful I'm sure, but just crazy to expect people to attend considering the journey. Fine for a couple eloping, but...!!