AIBU being annoyed about my sister's destination wedding

@FleasNavidad It’s a good example and could easily get to 40 hours with travel time to the airport in the UK , check-in, wait in lounge etc and then collecting luggage, customs and travel at the other end.

People who choose a destination wedding have to accept that some people won't be able to attend. Just say no and ride out the guilt trip from your family- it's too much of an ask with young kids.

30 hours on a plane with 2 small kids?
no no no.

id gracefully decline just on that basis

You don’t even know the start or end destination so how can you claim that!?!

I was originally going topiary asking if you could combine it with a holiday to visit MIL - eg fly out a few days before wedding, day after fly to MIL (I'm assuming this would be a lot shorter flight that UK - AUS?) then stay with MIL for a week or so and fly home.

But in light of your update about them kicking you out to accommodate their child free friend - fuck em. They clearly want a party wedding and your family probably won't enjoy it.

Don't go.

"Well it's not 30-40hrs so you lost sympathy from me at that point. What else have you exaggerated wildly?"

@TheSilentPicnic are you always so presumptuous and rude. Of course flights to a pacific island will take upwards of 30 hours. Also 5k for a family of 4 is probably about right. The OP isn't exaggerating at all. Here's the first options for flights to Bora Bora in May - 35 hours 🙈🤣

You’ve been shittily treated OP, and the expense and time needed to travel are ridiculous. Absolutely within your rights not to go.

For the sceptical, I flew from a Scottish airport to a regional airport in NZ once, 4 separate flights, and with the waiting time between flights it was 36 hours travel in total. I wouldn’t want to do that with kids.

That’s a long way and expense to expect people to go to for their wedding. I’d never expect my family to pay that, I’d contribute to the accomodation for sure in that situation

Omg- tell them to jog on! It’s a cost of living crisis & ridiculous. And the flights too- I have travelled to Fiji and New Zealand and the flights are ridiculous and exhausting and I went pre kids on a gap year!!

Honestly, just based on you MILs health I wouldn't go. Would you rather spend your money on her seeing her grandchildren face to face one more time or on this wedding?

I think her friends have told her that they can't afford to go (don't blame them - I wouldn't spend that much money, and travel time, on a friend's wedding either). Your sister/her partner have then panicked and had a strop, as it's then not the day they imagined (i.e lots of people being there, and celebrating/fussing over them).
They've then compromised with their friends, and offered them the main venue, to make it more affordable for them/they could ensure people would actually go (they could also have done that by just having the wedding much closer to home ...).

You, and your family are the collateral dage in this - sister hasn't thought about you, and just chucked you out, and you are her sister/family, and so it is just expected you will be there. (In her mind, this way she can have you and her friends all be there.)

I wouldn't go OP. I dislike destination weddings as a whole, but would pop on a plane (if I could afford it at that time) for a long weekend away for my sister/a close friend, if they really wanted to get married in Spain or Greece (or similar distances) - no way would I extend that as far as your sister is expecting!

Be aware that your family may push back, and (kindly) offer to pay for the costs, but how would that affect your annual leave if you need to go and visit MiL in an emergency? It's not just the cost involved, it's the time as well. I understand why some people are asking if you could visit MiL while you are in that side of the world, but what if you need to go to Australia at another point in the year? It's not just as simple as you're there anyway - the timing would be dictated by your sister, and might not suit your in laws etc, or with MiL being as I'll as it sounds - you may be needed at another point in the year.

YANBU - don’t go. For all the reasons others have given. I realise you’ll face family pressure but really destination weddings imo are a bit of assumption in terms of time and expense. As other op said, take them for dinner.

Im flying to nz next week. 12 hours to Singapore. Two hour switch around. 9 hours to Auckland. So less than 30 hours. But it has set us back around £12k for flights. Prices are insane. Family of 4. Economy flights. But it is summer there so high season.

Why can’t they just get married at home and go there for a honeymoon…if they must go at all.
It’s beyond unreasonable to drag your young children there to satisfy your sister’s fantasy. Seems your sister can’t even afford it herself if she is expecting her parents to pay for their flights.
It just doesn’t make sense at all in terms of you and your family’s health, finances, time …..and it’s so unnecessarily bad for the planet. And how bad would your MIL and your DH family feel knowing that you did this when she is longing to see you all while she still can.
Follow your instincts OP, and don’t feel bad about it. It’s a crazy, very selfish idea and will cost you a lot more than 5k.
Decline graciously. Yours reasons are perfectly valid and you don’t need to apologise for them.

Another vote for not going.

Even if you get kickback from your sister and parents, you’d still be doing the right thing (for your immediate family) by saving the holiday time and money.

If she needs your parents to help pay for her flights then the whole idea is stupidly extravagant anyway. She’s not one of Ecclestone’s daughters!

She is being a Bridezilla and YANBU. I would send my regrets saying the worry about finding suitable accommodation and the additional cost has proved the final straw. What an entitled cow she is.

Yes it is…………………….?

I would not go. The travel and stress with children would be horrendous. The jet lag and turn around time is enough for me to say no, I wouldn’t have thought anything of it pre kids but I know I really wouldn’t enjoy it now. Also is it safe to walk the half mile after dark? Would there be a driver.

Trying to remember how long it took us to do a similar trip. There was one leg of 12 hours, one leg of 11 hours. That's just in the air. So that's already 23 hours. With stop overs and check in times and so on, you'd easily get to 30 hours.

Did he travel by biplane? Because that travel time for that itinerary makes no sense at all.

You have no idea how long it takes to get from Northern hemisphere to southern hemisphere destinations. Its not just flying time, add in hours hanging around for connections.

Agree, just don't go. It'll be a nightmare for your children as well.

"I always thought we were close but kicking us out of the main house so her (childfree) friends can stay and party has honestly hurt me so much."

This is the main thing, forget all the stuff with your wedding a decade ago, it's gone. Why are you so arsed about what your brother "expects". Why does he have expectations of you, he's not your dad! Weird.

Just say no, MIL isn't well and we can't afford to do both

Pay not may !

YANBU - if people want to have a destination wedding they can, but they can't expect people, including family, to pay a fortune to attend it. However, if you do decide to go I agree with a pp - why not include a visit to MIL while you are in that part of the world while she is still well enough to enjoy your visit?