AIBU being annoyed about my sister's destination wedding

Definitely don't go! YANBU. Abroad wedding means accept some can't afford!

She sounds like a nightmare 🙃

I would just say

Sis, I love you and I have spent many hours agonising over this trying to see if we can make this work but we just cannot come to your wedding. We cannot afford it but beyond that the travel time and logistics of attending just make it impossible for us to attend. We would love to watch it on live streaming if that can be arranged and will treat you and your husband to a nice dinner when you get back'

I feel agitated on your behalf just reading this OP. You have every right to decline and prioritise your DH and his mum. Destination weddings are all well and good but there should never be an expectation of anyone else to attend, they're incredibly selfish and entitled. YANBU

Price up the flights then Simply calmly say. "We would have loved to have have been three but this is just out of our price range". Don't even mention a price range, they will be cross, they will vent but they will get over it. Don't mention your wedding at all. Just sorry we don't have that money. It's a crazy amount to ask from anyone.

I bet your sister hasn't got small kids either!

They don't want you or your children there.

If they did, they would have organised a different wedding.

It's harsh, and they will regret it, but please don't spend all that money and risk not being able to see your MIL.

Nobody is going to have a good time at that wedding, except maybe the child free people in the main villa.

I got married abroad, in the EU though. Some people couldn’t make it and that was completely understandable, a few family members were very rude about how it should be here so they could go but I didn’t expect them to go at all, honestly me and DH would have been happy if it was just the two of us. Just say no. I understand the family fall out, it’s awful in my family if you ever say no to anything but you just have to take it, stay calm and stick to your guns!

Dont go. They have already indicated how you will be treated if you attend.

Dont waste good money just to be poorly treated.

Gave you priced going to see MIL for 2/3 weeks over the dates of the wedding and travelling out to the wedding for a few days from and back to Aus?

That is all being said by people who holiday in Majorca. Travel time can easily be 30-40 hours to a remote Pacific destination. And I seriously doubt that you could get flights that fit in with your schedule for £5K. Just been looking at UK-Australia flights and £5K for 4 is barely possible.

You won't make amazing memories either! The whole thing is a complete nonsense.

YANBU, please don't go because of family expectations especially given your family history over your own wedding.
You'd be giving up a newer car & a chance to see MIL to spend time (& thousands of pounds) on possibly horrendous flights & a 'holiday' where you aren't even welcome to stay in the main villa.
No thanks.
Your parents & brother's decision is entirely their own, stand firm.

We, yeah, your sister sounds awful. Under no circumstances should you go to her ridiculous wedding.

This. You sound like the less favoured family member

You're massively over thinking this OP. A simple message to say "while we would have loved to attend, the cost both financially and in terms of our annual leave entitlement, means it isn't possible." Then forget about it. Any drama is wasted energy.

Of course don't go. And I know the kind of fallout it will cause. Make your decision and do the broken record thing. My guess is that everyone who is supposed to go is dreading it, and will give you such a hard time because they are envious you won't do it!

Research a really fancy dinner after they get back, somewhere special - a couple of my dream destinations are the Chinese restaurant in The Shard in London, or the Sir Charles Napier in the Chilterns. Tell them you want to take them to this place when they're back to celebrate. Then enjoy not doing this completely ridiculous trip.

I would never have even considered going in the first place. It sounds absolutely awful. I wouldn't have had a moment's guilt about refusing.

Absolutely. Just had holiday in Costa Rica - very easy in comparison, and total journey time door-to-door was 20 hours. Even longer on return with a 4 hour flight delay at Houston. Wouldn’t dream of doing that with young kids.

Don't go, and tell them why - not just the money but also how your DH sacrificed having his family at your wedding as they refused to travel further than down the road (assuming there's no backstory here like one of them was really ill at the time).

Alternatively, could you go alone?

Well the good news about not being housed in the main villa is that they won't have included you in the calculations for it's costs, so they aren't losing anything by you not going.

I bet your DPs will start offering chunks of money towards it when you say you aren't going, but even if some of it was paid it sounds like you're expected to look after everyone else's DCs and be some sort of indentured servant . I wouldn't touch it with a bargepole now.

I absolutely wouldn't go but don't make this about your wedding. You are valid to feel that way put pushing it makes you look jealous and petty.

You don't need to mention it because distance, cost, inconvenience and lack of healthcare with small DC - plus the slap in the face to your husband who can't see his own family if you spend here - are all reasons enough to decline.

Talk to your husband about your feelings regarding your own wedding but don't let it go down as you being too jealous to come.

Yanbu
We got married abroad, no one came, not the parents, siblings or friends. We couldn't pay for them and they could t afford it. Our choice and we just had a party when we got back.
You won't enjoy it because likely you will spend the whole time resenting your sister and the fact she made you travel so far and spend so much money.

There is NO WAY I would go. It’s not even funny… in this economic climate, no way would I spend the is kind of money and go for such kind of trouble for some wedding. Unless maybe it’s my daughter’s or son’s wedding, but even in this case I wouldn’t be able to magic money out of the thin air. I’m sorry but I don’t know why you can’t say NO to this madness

The other thing is that there is no talk of any celebration locally so if we miss this we miss celebrating their wedding with them in any form.

She's made her choice. I've been to a few destination weddings when younger and i won't go to another. Spending thousands to make someone else's dream come true? Nah.

I got married in my home town because having my family and friends there was more important than getting married on a nondescript beach hundreds of miles away that meant nothing to anyone.

Also no idea why people are so focused on trying to prove op wrong about the travel time. Whether it's 15 hours, or 20, or 40 hours, it's not exactly around the corner.

‘In that part of the world’??!! Do you have the remotest idea how big the world is? It’s not a short bus ride from a Pacific island to Sydney. Dear God.

For people who say it can't be 40 hours. It can. It depends which island off the main island you are staying on. You then have to wait sometimes half a day to board another small aircraft which along with you is usually carrying chickens or a pig. Yes live ones in the cabin!