AIBU being annoyed about my sister's destination wedding

Did you even read the OP? They didn't want a destination wedding, they wanted a wedding in Thailand as it was halfway between their two families so both of them could have a many family and friends there as possible - not just because they fancied a party somewhere hot.

But in the end they got married in OP's hometown as her family refused to travel anywhere at all. Meaning her DH got married with only immediate family as no one else could afford to get there. HTH.

I would add it is quite cruel to put your children through that unless there is a pressing need (family death or illness) The jet lag is an absolute killer, I doubt you will even remember the wedding - you will be too tired to enjoy it. And then need to do the same again in reverse. Don't feel bad about declining, if she wanted you all there she would have booked a home wedding!

I'd be honest and say DH mother has become a priority and you're not in a position to do both. End of.

I have been to the cook islands and it felt much further than even Sydney in terms of getting there. Absolutely not a chance I would even consider doing that with two children under six. It was brutal and I was 25!

Your sister has done you the greatest favour of all, by giving you the perfect reason to bail. I would hold firm even if she manages to find a place for you in the villa. You can't afford the costs, it is too far with young children. End of.
You can offer to throw a mini party for her at home if you feel bad, save the money and see your MIL whilst you still can for dh's 40th.

A complete no brainer. I know you are hurt, I would be too, but you now have a god given excuse to pull out. I am amazed you even considered it in the first place. Your parents and brother's views are irrelevant as they are not the ones attempting to do that journey with two little ones. Hell on earth springs to mind.

You have multiple, valid reasons to say no and if your family kick up a fuss then you calmly remind them of the stress they caused about your wedding. Send a nice gift and a card and stand your ground. Do not feel guilty or pressured into spending a huge amount of money for the sake of someone else’s day!

A simple message to say "while we would have loved to attend, the cost both financially and in terms of our annual leave entitlement, means it isn't possible." Then forget about it. Any drama is wasted energy.

Agree with this ^^

Cost benefit analysis. Are the memories going to be worth the cost?

I've never been to a wedding where I would say the memories are worth £5k+.

Could you bow out gracefully by gritting your teeth and wishing them well and say that you would like to gift them something for the day to make it special, perhaps a champagne breakfast? You shouldn't HAVE to, especially if money is tight. but it's a damn sight cheaper and less hassle than travelling 40 hours for the wedding.

No way that I would even consider going.

I've never seen such resounding support in an AIBU thread. Hope this gives you the strength to nip this issue in the bud.

Not rtft but that's well over a week's AL just on the travelling. If you had a week to spend on holiday with two small children, my guess it spending it in planes and airports would appeal to precisely no-one!

Tbh I can't help thinking the bridal couple are unlikely to be at their best when they get there either!

WHY would you go? Your sister is displaying the height of selfishness in kicking you out of the villa with two small children to factor in, and she clearly gives zero shits about your budget/annual leave, despite behaving so terribly during the run-up to your own wedding.

Grow a spine, stand up to the flying monkeys your family and say that you won't be attending (as your sister said she wouldn't when you wanted to get married abroad) but wish them the very best and will buy them a nice gift.

No longer room in the main villa? So there was and now someone else is taking up that space? Who are they and why do they get priority?

That's a nasty contribution to the thread. How many other people have you trolled today?

Prices and times vary dramatically depending on the island and date

Tahiti - you can just about get under £5k and 30 hours

Rarotonga could be £18k and 38 hours!

Plus accommodation at goodness knows what and the exhaustion and inconvenience!

YADNBU to say no
It's impossible for you financially and a nightmare for you logistically

Can understand the hurt too with how they were when you considered a much more accessible destination wedding - but changed it to suit others better

Do not go. You won't regret not going, but I think you would regret going!

If they treat you badly because of it, just shows how selfish and not understanding they are

These destination weddings are simply ridiculous.
Why cant they get married and have their honeymoon there just the twl of them and have a party with family when they get home? If they really MUST have family round them they should be footing the bill!
I dumbfounds me that people spend all that money on these faraway weddings then pay a huge mortgage for the next 25 years!
Tell them NOW you cant afford it, you wont be going... if they are so upset they can put their hand in their pocket and pay for you..
As for inflicting the journey on young kids.....well honestly... how is that going to be fun for them??
Selfish beyond words!!

I think it's more the point that she's been kicked out of the accommodation so that her sister's friends can stay there and she's just been tossed out on her ear to make her own arrangements. Id be pretty insulted.

Don't go by yourself as some have suggested. It will still cost the guts of £2k - which is a family holiday to somewhere sunny- and you'll be the unpaid babysitter, particularly don't go to sleep on an airbed.

An exception might be if your DPs pay all of your expenses, but I'd get them to book and pay for the flights if that's the case ( expect to be sat beside everyone else's DCs).

Honestly, I wouldn't go, especially with young children.

No I wouldn’t go. It was expensive enough without now the added pressure of not staying in the villa. You have your own family and you have to now put them first. Don’t get me wrong if my DB decided to do this I would walk to be there if it was the only choice. But that is cos we are extremely close and in reality I know he wouldn’t do this. Weddings abroad are a personal thing. It is the bride and groom choice. But going to it is your choice and I would most def be saying sorry but it is too much expense and hassle with young DC.

If you choose a destination wedding, you accept people won’t come or you pay for them to do so. Dh has no family. We got married abroad but paid for everyone’s (my family) entire stay. People will still need to buy things for a holiday and give up their holiday time.
It sounds hellish with kids. You’ve been downgraded to another hotel or wherever. Just don’t go. You’d be mad to consider it tbh.

The only thing I think you're being unreasonable about is to mind that you'd be staying half a mile away. That's nothing! Like 10 minutes walking.
But anyway, they're being unreasonable to get married so far away. I wouldn't want a 30 hour flights with small kids. The jet lag would be awful - as would the cost. This is a much bigger deal than a half a mile walk.

There is no way I would be going!

Your savings are for your important family things e.g car, 40th, poorly MIL

If you stretch yourself to go and things don't go well on the trip (for the many very likely reasons pp's have mentioned) then you will resent your Dsis when you need that money and have to borrow.

It will be far more than £5000 by the time you have the accommodation, spending money (assuming it's week long trip) etc.

I would be surprised if they didn't have some kind of wedding bash back home which you can go to. If not, take them out for a meal.

Wish them an amazing wedding and buy them an experience or trip they can use while out there.

I wouldn't go into specifics as there are actually many reasons. Just say you and your DH have weighed everything up and it's just not possible.

No need to feel bad. Heck, when you've spent your savings for your sister and need to borrow, then you'll feel really bad. It's a no-brainer for me.

YABU

I think destination weddings are incredibly selfish anyway.

But you had one yourself and expected people to pay out for your wedding and now you think it’s unreasonable to do the same for someone else.

You could have had a private ceremony where you live and then had a small celebration in each country if you wanted both sides to celebrate.

You didn’t chose to get married in Thailand as a favour to anyone, you wanted a destination wedding.

It comes across as you’re actually a bit jealous and I feel like you’re using MIL as an excuse - if she was ill why are you waiting for your DH’s birthday to go, surely you should be going asap?

Destination weddings mean that not everyone can go.
So if you can’t go, then don’t.
But I do think it would create a lot of tension considering you had your own destination wedding.

Go on your own and insist on a spot in the main villa. If they say there's no room, then sleep on an airbed and pay less/not at all.

Use the money you have saved for your DH to go and visit his mum.

No one has money to waste on someone else's vanity wedding right now. If I'm paying 5K for a holiday, I'll be choosing it myself, thank you.