AIBU being annoyed about my sister's destination wedding

Please don't go. Your family are going to treat you as the lesser sibling no matter what, so save your time and money for other things.

can you go on your own just for the wedding and get ils to watch DCs or DH but he'd need time off work.

We recently had an invitation to a wedding where the travel costs alone were £1200, then accommodation on top. We had to decline. People who have destination weddings have to realise that they will get a lot of people who can’t afford it and should have a party when they get home. It’s financial, nothing personal 🤷‍♀️

Have you looked at flights recently, we can't find flights off season to Australia under £1000 currently (for next year, rainy season in Brisbane!)

I've not read the whole thread but my first thought is that you need to stop placing so much importance on what your parents say. This has already cost you what you wanted for your own wedding and will now impact on your life in many negative ways, such as loss of annual leave, inability to visit sick mil and inability to replace your car! Why would you deliberately put yourself in that position?

If I was your dh, I'd be getting pissed off at your family always getting priority, to the detriment of mine!

Because of this as much as the cost I would politely decline

Sens your regrets. Use money to go see in laws. Consider moving to Australia permanently.

Sounds like you are the scapegoat of your family. Step out of that environment.

But op didn't have one as her family refused!

Just say no, it's to costly. You'll celebrate with them when they get back.

So in your eyes it was okay for you to have a destination wedding but not your sister?!?!

That is all being said by people who holiday in Majorca. Travel time can easily be 30-40 hours to a remote Pacific destination. as said by @Sirius3030. I bet these are the same people that say it's only 2 hours to get there too. I went To Majorca last year. With travel time to airport, checking in, 2.5 hour flight (which does not include pushback and taxiing btw), customs on the other side and finally transfer to the hotel...that was a grand total of 9 hours from when we left the house to when we checked in. For a 2.5 hour flight. 30 hours plus when you think of all of this is not unreasonable at all

Decline, perhaps offer to celebrate in some way when they return. The health of your MIL and perhaps need to travel there at short notice is enough reason even if you were millionaires.

YANBU. I absolutely would not go, and if your sister was decent then she'd completely understand that it's a hell of a lot of money, and a lot of travel with young kids.
Also with your MIL being ill and you possibly needing to travel there, it's completely understandable.
I think people having destination weddings are the selfish ones - if they want people to attend then they should pay for them, or happily accept when guests have to decline, family or not.

It’s also a no from me-many sensible answers on here. Don’t make it about your wedding. Just say, I’m sorry, we can’t afford it in terms of money or time. We hope you all have a lovely time and will look forward to seeing the photos when you get back and we can celebrate then.
and then repeat as many times as necessary.

Say no. It's too far,too costly too much of a PITA, and she sounds like Bridezilla already. You will end up stressed, knackered and poorer. Not worth it.

Of course places can be 40 hours away, not 40 hours flying time but with the connections, very easy. I have lived in Australia and so have travelled back and forth many times and never made it in under 24 hours, with connections and airport time. Flights to pacific island destinations are not going to leave on the hour like a bus, so will add to the airport waiting around time.

"starrynight21
It's easy to spend that much time in the air if you're going to an island like OP . My son just flew from Sydney to Sumatra for a surfing holiday and he was in the air ( three different flights) for 36 hours.

I assume this is a booboo. Sumatra is only about 12 hours flight away from Sydney."

Wtf is a booboo? 🤢 Also, would it not be more sensible to assume he flew from the uk via Sydney? 24+12=36 after all.

I'm starting to wonder if any of these posters have ever been further than Spain tbh.

The idea of a 30 hr flight with two young children brings me out in a cold sweat.

I'd either
A) not go.
B) go but via Australia not NZ and extend the trip to see MIL.
C) go alone (but probably not at I'd be resentful).

I wouldn’t go. Just tell her you can’t afford it. Very straightforward.

Just bumping this as a potential option on case you missed it OP, if you wanted to go. Though still think YANBU to say no!

I was pressured into going to a wedding in Vegas years ago, couldn't really afford to go, but to keep the peace with parents went. my Father had a huge strop on during the wedding and argued with everyone, I left the wedding, paid to change my flight and went home the following day. absolute waste of money

I had a destination wedding in Europe in DH's town. So destination for my side. I paid for accommodation for everybody and all food for four days and all transport once they where with us (except for people who'd independently rented a car). And asked for no presents.

What your DSIS is asking is far beyond unreasonable. That's before she kicked you out of the main villa.

She's made a situation where no matter what happens, there's bad feeling. This isn't caused by you. So make your decision about what to do knowing you're not causing the inevitable rift that happens, she's set up a situation where all doors lead to rifts and resentment. So, just pick whatever suits you.

Also My brother and nieces have never flown abroad, let along long haul, so I am expected to catch the same flight and help them navigate it. If you're crazy enough to go, simply No to this. He can fly with your parents!!

YADDDDDDDDNBU to be annoyed. I'd say YWBU to go!

I assume this is a booboo. Sumatra is only about 12 hours flight away from Sydney.

Honestly, don't go. It's just going to stress you out and will damage your relationship with your sister as you will resent her.

You can't afford it. You have a good excuse.

'I'm so sorry family, we've realised we can't afford it. We need to visit MIL in Australia this year and we can't stretch to two big trips.'

send a present. Take her to a champagne brunch when she gets back. Then move on.

Honestly, she's asking you to prioritise her while she is clearly not prioritising you. If she really wanted you and your children at the wedding, she would have planned something more accessible for you. Or at least kept space for you at the villa.

Cheeky madam.

You have the option of saying to her "I'm sorry Sis but I can't afford it and I can't go. I hope you and future BiL have a wonderful time".

Yes you will miss her wedding but no one is holding a gun to your head giving you an ultimatum.