AIBU being annoyed about my sister's destination wedding

Don't go.

You might get lovely experience and memories, you might spend savings you need for other things on a sunburnt stress fest with your kids crying about heat and bugs and not liking the food and who knows what. Even if it was a perfect experience I wouldn't blow my savings on it.

Fuck em.

Your sister can get married where she wants, though I can understand why the past regarding your wedding makes it sting. But it's entirely reasonable for you not to go.

It is a lot and very costly travel. Personally I would be prioritising family necessities and MIL, especially considering you aren't even special enough to be invited to stay in the main villa. If it does cause an upset remind your family that you accepted the family response when they rejected your destination wedding. They can at the very least accept and respect your decision now.

YANBU! As has already been said, if you want a destination wedding then you can't expect everyone to attend.

Sounds to me like your sister is the Golden Child who can do no wrong in your parent's eyes. As hard as it will be you need to tell them that you can no longer afford to attend the wedding and that you hope they have a wonderful time. You look forward to seeing the pictures, etc and will take them out for a slap up dinner when they get back so they can tell you all about it.

Send a nice card, present and regrets. Stand firm.

This is insane, who on earth gets married that far away and expect people to come along? I'd be mortified asking people to pay out to attend my wedding that far away.

I could afford it but even I would decline, I'd rather spend that money on my own holiday then paying to get to someone's wedding. I'd love to know what goes through people's heads when they plan far flung weddings like this. Unless you're rich enough to pay for your guests to attend I just think it's very cheeky!

We're comfortable but unless I was absolutely rolling in it no way would I spend upwards of £10K to attend someone's wedding - sister or not. I'm sorry but destination weddings are a massive ask for anyone; as you say there is also limited annual leave to consider. I would be having a conversation with her and laying out exactly my reasons for not attending. I'm guessing that apart from your parents and brother (and maybe the grooms nearest and dearest) they won't be having many guests!

Oh I missed that! Your sister prioritising friends over you and your family?! She can get to F!

OP, would strongly suggest you look into some counselling.

You sound bullied and harrassed by your parents and family.

Your husband and his mother should be your priority, not a sister who clearly could care less about your attendance and comfort.

This really should be a straight forward decision to make.

Your husbands mother is a priority.

Actually a car would also be a legitimate priority too.

Do not feel you have to apologise either.

It simply isn't possible.

Just do not go and risk your sister’s and parents wrath.

Unless you’re the Bransons or another very wealthy family super expensive, long haul travel destination weddings are selfish. The only way I can think of that it works is no kids or kids where it’s easier to travel eg babies.

Your later post where you say your sister kicked you out to make room for friends would make me say no thanks or just go yourself and insist on a villa room

You really really shouldn’t go. Prioritise your own immediate family - your dh & kids. And btw, your dd is six - she’ll remember the trip for a short while but would forget it pretty quick - how much do you remember from being six?!

You have the perfect excuse with your MIL's health.

I wouldn't do this trip for ANYONE, including my own children.

Several of my neices and nephews rethought foreign exotic weddings when their siblings told them the wouldn't attend because of young children.

We were privately asked as were my husbands other siblings, and we said no thanks to that distance for a beach holiday with 4 young adults.

I absolutely respect the young couples choice to decide exactly where they wish to get married but feel absolutely that it is my right to not attend.

I am firmly of the opinion that when you choose to marry in the arsehole of nowhere, you are choosing the venue over attendees and should not be surprised with a "unfortunately we are unable to attend" response.

I'd be Frank with your sister.

When we had space at the villa, we could s rape together the cash just about but its more important to you to have your friends stay with you and ow its unaffordable.
. Repeat to brother and parents.

Incidentally is Bro still in the villa? Who's covering hsi flights?

With two children under 6, a long flight, and it being a wedding rather than your holiday and at that cost I would simply say that it sounds lovely but you just can't make it work. Save the money and have a super holiday with your family. Give your sister a nice wedding present. Don't get into an argument about it or bring up your own wedding. You have two young children and it's too expensive and far away- that's all you need to say

Don't go, take your husband to Australia for his 40 th and to see his mother who's unwell.yiur sister doesn't care if you go to her wedding and that's a hell of a journey to it with young children

I flew from Texas to Fiji once, took 2 days because of the stop over in LAX. I’ve flown many long haul routes and that one was a killer. There’s no way I would do this journey with children. No way.

Crikey. I felt guilty and unreasonable for making my wedding guests travel 10 miles down the road from the local church to the reception in the next town. Don't go! It's fine not to.

This.
The ill MIL situation
your Husband and DCs ability to see his family in Australia
need to replace an aging but essential car ( we've just had to do that when ours gave up the ghost and its expensive in high-interest times) . I think these are solid reasons and would focus on those rather than the refusal of all of them to travel for your wedding, which you had good reasons for ( although that highlights how unfair they are being)
But also
"We have been suggested to stay half a mile away....we have two children under 6 and there are no cars on this part of the island."

All of that sounds like a huge, extra cost on top of all the flights, meals, spending money and other expenses and you would only really find out how much extra it will cost when you are already there. So £5k seems inadequate.
Transfers to a remote no-car zone ( on your own, not sharing the family transport to the airport and back?)
A separate accommodation that you will have to pay for, not being able to join in as you'd need to get back to your villa. Potentially stuck there due to lack of transport. Or having to organise transport every day to meet up with the others, or even to shop or eat.

I think you would be dealing with the financial repercussions and the effect these will have on your DH's family, long after the wedding is over.

Your Parents and brother sound quite selfish and controlling. Their strong opinions, are just that. An opinion and I think these count for little beside's your own little family's priorities.
Would going there when you have so many solid reasons for not going, even change their attitude?

In the past you prioritised your family over your DH's. This time you have to prioritise your husband's family over yours. If your MiL is ill then I would definitely see it as more important than your selfish sister's wedding. I can't believe she has the nerve to pressurise you into changing your wedding plans when it would have been much fairer to have it in the middle so your DH's loved ones could all come then have a fancy destination wedding and insist you go with two small children.

The thing about the villa would just confirm it for me.

Incidentally it sounds like your sister is the golden child and you are the scapegoat. Don't allow them to continue to put you into this role going forward.

I wouldn't go. Fair enough to have a wedding wherever, but with that location they have to accept guests cannot attend. Plus there's a climate crisis... Your reason for an overseas wedding at least sounds very reasonable!

I'd do this instead. It sounds as though your in-laws have already been put on the back-burner enough because of your family's selfishness.

Your MiL is ill: it would certainly not be unreasonable to prioritize her. YANBU - I would not be going to this wedding.

"when your counter suggestion is that the son must have started his journey in London and travelled to Sumatra via Sydney. Why knot yourself into hoops to but someone down? And if, bizarrely, someone did travel to Sumatra via Sydney, it would be an incredibly long, expensive and pointless route that they could easily have avoided."

Nobody mentioned London but I'd assume he had other business in Sydney first as he simply wasn't "in the air" for 36 hours otherwise was he?

It's not a bizarre route if you need to go to Sydney anyway and I know plenty of people who have done similar.

And at the end of each night, you're supposed to walk half a mile home, with 2 little kids? Righty ho.

Just don't go. How can anyone argue if you say you can't afford it? Your family sound completely nuts.

But by getting married in her home town made it a destination wedding for the groom's family

£5k was more than my entire wedding cost (and I was the bride) - and it wasn't even a tiny wedding