AIBU being annoyed about my sister's destination wedding

Four people
30-40 hour journey time
3 flights

for £5k total? On what planet?

Someone who plans a wedding on the other side of the world from their family for no obvious reason, wants a pretty small wedding, even if they haven't got the guts to say so!
Just say you really can't afford it but don't want this to put her off having her lovely Pacific wedding, and book a dinner out with her just before or after the wedding to celebrate with her + new husband at home.

I'm assuming the destination is pretty warm? Schlepping little kids around is bad enough but in heat... It's just miserable all round and not practical, sorry.

YANBU.

You’re exaggerating the flight time surely OP

@BatshitBanshee makes a very good point. There will presumably need to be a legal ceremony here so can't you just go to that and watch the party wedding by video link?

How is your broke brother affording this?

and flights seem very cheap!!

I always thought we were close but kicking us out of the main house so her (childfree) friends can stay and party has honestly hurt me so much. I don't expect them to make concessions for us, but I don't think they appreciate how much more difficult it is for us to be a 15 minute + walk away.

You would be mad to pay so much to be treated like second class guests.

Are your parents paying for your brother's tickets?

The other thing is that there is no talk of any celebration locally so if we miss this we miss celebrating their wedding with them in any form.

Doesn't sound like a great loss, given your sister is mean enough to stop you staying in the villa.

That’s a fair point. I remember how scared I was of the dog packs when we went on bike rides when we lived on a pacific island.

@destinationisland

You're not being unreasonable at all. I find people who have destination weddings to be most conceited and narcissistic of people. Assuming that people are going to spend multiple thousands of pounds on going to a destination of their choice (the bride and groom's that is,) dragging their whole family halfway across the world, to a place they would never consider going otherwise, spending a fortune, probably getting into debt for it, and in the middle of a cost of living crisis!!!

There's no fucking way that I would be going even if it was my own (adult) child, because I would be so disgusted and outraged they'd decided to have a wedding that was going to cost potentially 5 figures for me and their dad to get there/attend. You're not being unreasonable. Tell her you can't afford it and you're not going.

One of my husbands cousins got married in the Caribbean. She invited about 40 people - including us, and we didn't go. Only nine went. SHOCKER! This was ten years ago as well. I don't think your sister's got chance in hell of getting loads of people going now!

OP wedding wasn't in Thailand, OP family made them have it in OP home town.

destinationisland I would just tell your family that you can not afford to go and you are not prepared to go into debt for a wedding especially at the moment with cost rising everywhere.

Honestly I wouldn't go. 3 flights with 2 kids is too much to ask. They will be so tired and you'd probably have to holiday for at least two weeks to recover from it. Once back home you'd all be jetlagged as well.

If it was me I'd just explain it's too much for your kids. As well as the financial part of it all. Having to pay for accommodation and food ect.
Everyone knows if they choose to have a destination wedding then they can't expect everyone to attend.

your MIL is ill and you may need this money urgently for flights. End of story. No need to justify to your sister further.

Did you read her posts? Her wedding wasn't in Thailand?

They wanted it to be in Thailand as her DH is Australian and meant less travel for his family and friends but her parents gave her an ultimatum and made them change it to UK based-so only her DHs immediate family could attend

But seem totally onboard with her Sis having a destination wedding....

OP YANBU

There is no way I would put DC that age through those flights.

Your sister needs to grow up.

Putting aside the family history with your wedding, your MILs situation and the accommodation there etc there is NO WAY I'd be willing to travel that long with 2 young children. Anyway who even considers that you would is extremely unreasonable.

It would be a firm no thanks from me.

I was all for YANBU until the bit where your wedding was in Thailand.

I wouldn't go either and I love a destination wedding. It's too far and it's not as if it's eithers home country.

My children had some lovely holidays at primary age - they remember very little of the detail. We'd have been better off spending a week at our local beach! I don't regret the holidays but it certainly didn't make any memories for the kids.

Have you actually thought about the hassle of 3 flights with small children. I went to NZ for DH's 50th birthday and that was exhausting enough with just the 2 of us. I really wouldn't go. It's a ridiculous amount of money, especially if you have to factor in a trip to Aus for your DH's family - far more important imo.

Don't go. Save your money and annual leave. Maybe instead have a vow renewal ceremony when you go to Australia. I'm sure their will be loads of your husband's friends & family members who'd love to attend. And you could get a whole new set of photos that you're happy to look at in future. Concentrate on your own little family; they're what's important now.

Even if I was a millionaire, I wouldn't entertain this long a travel time with 2 young kids!
I'm sure they will end up having a celebration in the UK too for friends, you can attend that.

Of course. So eloping would have been the obvious answer, so as not to put pressure on anyone to cross hemispheres.

Don't over-complicate it. You've added it all up and you can't afford to go. Even if you go on your own you'll be spending money you need for a car and your trip to Australia. But I wouldn't get into that - just really sorry, can't afford it with the commitments you already have. If your family can't accept that then it really shows how much they care about you and your family.

Keep your money in case you need to visit your MIL. That is more important than a wedding.

Wish them well, get a nice gift, decline the invitation.

Imo, Destination weddings -and this is literally that as there is no family to meet half way between countries - are just self indulgent. Why some people can’t get married at home, where family lives and then have a great holiday on their own is beyond me. I can understand ‘I wish they’d elope.’

Firstly There is absolutely NO WAY I would be doing that journey with young children. Even if I had loads of money. Just no way. It's horrendous.

Secondly there is the expense. It's just insane.

Thirdly it's how the accommodation has been distributed - you are definitely getting a rubbish deal.

Forthly - they are blatantly just trying to roll in their honeymoon to their wedding. They have no affiliation with the place and have chosen a destination that is very expensive & logistically really bloody hard to get to .

They should have zero expectation for compulsory attendance.

The only quite quibble they may have is that you also had a destination wedding............. but you need to point out that it was equidistant to both the bride and groom and you didn't force attendance and presumably no one got shittier accommodation?

The only compromise is you go by yourself but again, can you afford it? Especially if you have a very ill MIL?