Am i too old to have a baby?

Sorry op if this sounds harsh, but if you’re asking strangers on the internet to help you make your mind up about having a baby, I don’t think you’re old enough to get pregnant!

My friend had a baby at 42 her first girl after 4 boys and is doing great!

I think its old, don't you want the school run years to end. Plus he has a child and has fulfilled his urge of being a biological parent so I don't think you should feel any obligation to have another child

All I will say OP, is you can be a wonderfully fit and well, 'young' 43,then find yourself feeling very old at 53. However, everyone's experience will be different. I wouldn't go on the opinions of others for something like this.

Your as old as you feel so do what makes you happy never mind asking other people…, always do what makes you feel happy it’s your life

What made you think it was a good idea to ask the most unsupportive judgemental community in the world advice for soemthing like this lol

honestly, just do what makes you and your family happy, don’t worry about strangers on the internet ❤️

Absolutely, but this isn’t OPs first, she’s not naive. It’s her choice if she wants to put herself through that, isn’t it?

I posted a similar question not long ago , and omg people had a massive go at me for having an older child with autism and wanting more at age 40 . So please take everyone’s one’s opinions with a pinch of salt . People are very very judgemental and set their own idealisms on MN .

Honestly? I do think it's on the older side. Biology means that it's different for men than women though.

40s would feel far too old for me to have a baby though. I had mine at 24 and 26 which was good for me.

Yes. But also men don’t have the biological
considerations women do. I have a friend in her early 30s with 3 young kids, and her dad is in his 80s and her mum is dead. Sad!

OP that would be too old for me especially as you have 3 kids between you already. Enjoy the freedom the next 10 years will bring with them growing up!

I agree with this.
However - the 43 year old man wouldn't be the one putting his body through a pregnancy and trying to recover while having a new born. The bleeding, the aches, the pains, the tiredness, the breast feeding. Risk of pain or damage to the vag ect. Stitches, tears. Poss Cesarean? Bad enough in your 20s/30s. But mid 40's? Longer to recover. Dare i say it, harder to lose weight and get back in shape post birth too. We're just not as elastic mid 40s as we are in our 20s and 30s. Higher risk of complications and defects and miscarriage.

The effects pregnancy has on a woman's body are real, and get more real the older she is IME. There's no right or wrong with all this. But it's important to go in with your eyes open to this stuff.

And since when is the menopause a reason to do or not do anything !! People really need to be less negative as a whole . Being menopausal is nit the end of the word or your life !

Sure, but there’s no guarantee menopause will be awful for OP, and people of either sex can have mental health problems (for example) at any age. There’s never any guarantees.

@Naunet yes but men don't experience a potentially awful menopause. That can cause major havoc with the body and brain.

Biologically who knows as far as emotionally , if you are able to have one financially and you are stable then why not ? I have a almost 1 year old and I’m 40 and honestly no difference to being 34 or 20 with ability to care gift her ( my oldest are 20 and 5 )

For those saying she’s too old, is a 43 year old man too old too?

I think its different when you have your first in your 40s than when you already have much older children.
Parenting can be a hard slog, expensive and hugely restricting, and it's one thing to do a 20 year stretch of it, but quite another to do it for 35-40 years. Do you really want to push your increased freedom and ease of life another 18 years down the road?

This is likely to come across as more snarkily than I intend, but you've had two children with two different men; that sounds complicated enough. In your shoes I wouldn't even consider having a third with another man. You don't need to have a child to solidify/validate a relationship; maybe look into what it is that you really need? Is it the commitment? Why not get married?

That said, I'm coming from the perspective that I would never choose to have a child without being married first.

In your circumstances yes you're too old.

Tbh in general it's old for having a baby but if a woman doesn't already have children, hasn't met the right person until later on in life then I can understand entirely why they would try to have their first baby later in life. They don't have the best interests of existing children to consider either.

You are fortunate enough to have children already. Is it in their best interests for you to have another? Why does having a child with your new partner matter so much?

Just to add some balance re the menopause comments - it isn't horrific for everyone. Apart from migraines and the odd warm glow I reckon I got off pretty lightly.

No one would say a 43 year old man was selfish for wanting a child. If you want one and can still get pregnant, why not?

Thing is - you're saying 43, but by the time you fall pregnant (could easily take 18 months to fall, our fertility gets a lot more hit and miss after late 30s) and then your 9 months of pregnancy - that brings you to 45+ when you give birth.

Your question should really be is 45 too old to have a baby.

I think it is too old, yes.

You’re too old. You could be hitting the menopause by the time your kid has started school.

Don't do it.
You don't know how menopause is going to hit you.
Seriously, do not underestimate the brutality of the decline of hormones. Couple that with a young child...ye gods, no thanks!

I had my son at nearly 38. He is almost 15 now and I'm experiencing the horror of menopause. The two are a rubbish combination.

It's your call of course.