Am i too old to have a baby?

If the OP is fertile, as plenty of 43 year old women are, then the question does come down to social factors, and it is relevant to ask if men are subject to those factors.

I was a first time mother at 43, conceived without difficulty, problem free pregnancy and birth. Haven’t found any of it hard going due to age.

But I don’t think I would have started again if I already had 2 kids. And I could do without the complication of blended family etc. Supporting a 16 yo through GCSEs and A levels with a baby in the house, a middle child to get into secondary, juggling access for DSS, etc. All in the middle of a cost of living crisis.

So circumstances rather than age would put me off.

You clearly weren’t paying attention in your human biology classes. And, yes, I think 43 is too old to parent a child.

You don't need to have a baby with every man who enters your life. They're not pokemons, you don't have to catch them all.

Yes, too old and the relationship is too fresh.

I think I would give it a miss. You guys have three kids between you and have really not been dating very long. It will impact your existing children more than you realise and I just think it’s a little selfish (sorry)

You see I disagree that you can be deemed “too old” purely because you will hit menopause while your child is lining with you and I think that’s an ignorant and judgemental point of view.

I am peri-menopausal and have an 11 year old DD. I am not diminished as a mother because my body is going through biological changes. I am in good health and have plenty of energy and manage symptoms of the menopause so I fail to see why that could be a negative for my child? Or that it’s anyone else’s business really.

My concern would be more about the fact you are planning a baby with someone you have been with for a relatively short time when you already have children whose applecart will be upended by your having another baby. It’s not an automatic negative but I can’t help wondering if you are thinking it through?

Just enjoy your relationship. Don’t ruin it with sleep deprivation. 😆
Between you both there are 3 kids. That’s plenty to be cracking on with.
I don’t think you’re too old. I do think you’re in Last Chance Saloon territory and I say that as someone who gave birth at 42. So yeah, it is now or never. But you have to be sure it’s the right thing for everyone, kids too. I know that when I thought about having another baby around 44, my then 15 year old was like, ‘Please no! We need you back in the zone.’ I’d been incredibly sleep deprived for about 3 years following the birth of my youngest and that was really hard. My eldest really needed my support during GCSEs and A levels. If I’d had a baby then, it would have been really difficult.

I'm not sure it's age so much as why do you want another when you have 2 & he has 1?

Isn't that enough?

probably hormones OP, do you seriously want to be pregnant, morning sickness, another labour, sleepless nights, weening, potty training, nursery, school pick ups? If you hadn’t been there and done that, I would probably say go for it, but I can’t understand why you would want to go back. But it’s your life, not mine, good luck with whatever you decide.

Menopausal with 3 teenagers! It's not fun - all those hormones, tears and the little sods never tell me they have used all the tampons/pads so when I get my period (regular as clockwork at 52! thanks to HRT) I also get empty draw rage

It's not much fun at times - don't think a 4-10 year old would be harder

My parents were 40 when they had me, and I ended up looking after them as well as my own young children. I envy colleagues and friends who talk about going to visit their parents, as mine have been gone for such a long time now.

to then drag everyone back into revolving round a babies schedule.

That would be the biggest issue for me TBH.

Is that worse than being menopausal with a teenager?
I adopted my D.C. and I was 41 when they were born. They are 6 now and I’m well into perimenopause but managing OK. I reckon it’s easier with a young one not a teen (though others may feel differently).

I do worry about not being around as long as young parents, so that is something to consider seriously.

Physically, you may be too old or you may not be. We're all different. For some, conception is well nigh impossible after 40, for others it happens easily.

Emotionally, you're not too old if you're giving it serious consideration.

However, I'm not sure that's the question that you should be asking yourself, OP. Rather than asking "am I too old" perhaps you should be asking yourself - Is this a sensible thing to do; how secure is my relationship; how would having another baby affect my finances now and in the future; how would it impact on my ability to work now and in the future; how would it impact my existing children, my independence and my future prospects?

Think carefully, as this will be a potentially life-changing decision.

If you are biologically able to have a baby, then of course you're not too old.

But just because something is biologically possible, does that mean it's a good idea?

It's biologically possible for a lot of 12 year olds to have a baby, does that mean they are old enough to have one?

I am in no way saying that having a baby at 43 is anything like that situation, but just trying to make the point that just because it's possible doesn't mean it's a good idea.

I don’t disagree. I’d not have a baby in my 40s, or with a man in his 40s+, but I’m just curious as there was a thread here the other day from a woman who thought her 42 year old boyfriend was too old, and she was firmly told by most people that he wasn’t.
I think it’s down to personal choice and being informed of the risks.

I wouldn’t be judging you because it’s your life and doesn’t affect me at all. Do what you want. It’s just not for me. My friend’s mum had a baby totally naturally at 52 and all was fine.

I'm now 62 and my two sons are 23 and 20. In an ideal world I would probably have had them sooner, but in reality I didn't meet the right man until I was nearly 35. I can honestly say I have never for one moment regretted being an older mother. I don't think they suffered by having older parents and we are still a very close family.

As regards the menopause, not all women have a hard time. Perhaps I was very lucky, but apart from two hot flushes, I don't remember any other symptoms, and I have friends who had a similar experience.

If you want another baby, I'd say go for it. Good luck!

Question to all the nay sayers on here, if you met me (45) with baby (13 months) would you be judging me?

I am having a lovely time with my baby OP ... if you want a baby you go for it!

Yup

I had our 4th at 43. The others were 15+.

My first took 18 months to conceive at 20 years old and the others were all over 6 months but at 42 I had a fairly instant conception followed by a MMC at 11 weeks. That baby would have been due in May. Pregnant again, still 42, due in December. Another MMC at 8 weeks.

While we were debating whether to try again I got pregnant again and this one held on. Due almost to the day the first one was but a year later.

It has been wonderful to do it all again with the benefit of hindsight. There was no stress this time to make sure he hit all his milestones or to potty train. My DM loves to criticise but this time I could point to the older ones and say "I know what I'm doing". I trusted my instincts far more and went with the flow more.

Of course it hasn't all been plain sailing and we are just about to launch into GCSEs but no regrets. In fact if anything I wonder if we should have waited before having the others and not been in such a rush.

Why would you want to? Both of you have children, and 2 are virtually the same age and getting to the point where you can do more exciting things as a blended family and your children be more independent, to then drag everyone back into revolving round a babies schedule. It would be a hard 'no' from me.

If you are biologically able to have a baby, then of course you're not too old. If you were 53 and planning on some kind of medical intervention to get pregnant, then it would be a different story.

I know plenty of women in their late 30's - early 40's who have had successful pregnancies and happy healthy children.

As for the menopause, everyone is different, I had absolutely no symptoms other than the cessation of menstruation. No hot flushes, mood swings, weight gain. Not everyone suffers badly.

Do what is right for you and your family.

I was 36 and 39 when I had my kids, and I found it harder at 39. I was angry with myself about the amnio test too - I had not researched it properly and hadn't realised you actually have to have a labour and deliver the baby if you decide not to go ahead. I think having my kids late kept me young, best wishes for whatever you decide.

I had my first at 41 second at 42. I don't feel like they are anymore tiring than they would have been if I'd had them in my 20s but who knows? Not looking forward to having teenagers in my 50s but then again who really looks forward to having teenagers at any age. As someone else has said though you have no idea how long it will take to conceive. I conceived my first the month after stopping contraception but it could take you a lot longer. Would you want to be having a baby at 45/46 if it takes that long?