Am i too old to have a baby?

I had my last at 41, planned,was very fit and healthy,my best, easiest pregnancy
No-one has mentioned the very high risk of Downs Syndrome on here. Now 72, with a 30 year old,I really notice it,(my oldest is 52) the age of her friends and partners parents. I look bloody old and awful in family photos. She's just had a baby,and I am definitely not sure I would be able to run round after a toddler.

I don't think 43 is too old but I don't think you should be planning a baby with someone you've only been with for 2 years.

You don’t need to have a baby with every relationship. It doesn’t make it more valid. Especially as he also has a child and has already experienced parenthood. You already have four children between you. Your eldest is at a crucial stage of their life. Please just try to be happy with what you have.

This was the point I would want to make too. But you've put it across a lot better :)

With all due respect, having children with two previous men haven't solidified the relationships. And given the short life of the current relationship, and your age, doesn't jump out as a great idea.

This.

Three children with three different men surely not a good idea especially as it is a newish relationship and you are in your 40s.

You don’t need to have a baby in every single different relationship. Especially not after just two years. You’re so far out of the baby stage, why the fuck would you want to start again?

Exactly this!

This was me. I had Dd at 42. She bought so much fun and joy to the entire family. Her older brothers just adored her. And the smallest age gap was 12 years.

lt wasn’t complicating, it was unifying. She had 4 adults and one teen dancing constant attendance on here!

She’s 16 now and still adored. Do what you want. So many gloomy posts on here.

You’re too old. You could be hitting the menopause by the time your kid has started school

And? I hit menopause when my dd was at primary school. What difference does it make? You just get on with it.

There were loads of older mums. In fact the majority were.

He has a child, you have a children. I think bringing in another baby would add a whole new level of complication regardless of age.

You’ll be old, yes. You’d be 44 by the time you had the baby even if you conceived very quickly. Too old, though? That’s really your call.

The reasons I didn’t want a baby in my 40s were many: teenagers that would’ve been horrified; career taking off and not wanting to take another maternity leave; finances; space - house, car etc; not wanting to put my body through another pregnancy; not wanting to be doing the school run in my 50s; zero interest in ever doing toddler groups and little kiddy activities ever again; perimenopause; wanting to retire at some stage! valuing my sleep! And on and on…

But these were MY reasons. You might have totally different circumstances. It really is a decision only you can make and random opinions on the internet shouldn’t come into it.

I wouldn’t at your age or when I’ve only been in a relationship with the man for two years.

If he buggers off are you willing to be a single Mum in your fifties to a young child?

Sorry, I know those are the negatives. I wouldn't be without them, but I'm glad I stopped before 40. (Obviously totally different for a first time mum)

I don’t think you’re too old but I’d be having reservations purely because there seems to be some new partner/have baby thing going on here. I work for quite an old lady and a few months ago she was talking about how it was normal for women to have babies in their 40s when she was younger.

If you're fit and healthy, go for it. But something to consider is not just challenging toddler behaviour in your mid or late 40s, but further ahead to teens - late night taxi service, mood swings, driving long distances backwards and forwards to university, etc. I had my last at 39 and my energy levels have definitely dropped, now they are in their teens.

I would think about this properly op. There could be some health complications or possible struggle conceiving, but I don't think it's too old. Have you told dp/DH about it? You also need to think about your older DC and step-dc, they might feel weird having a newborn sibling after such a long time.

Exactly this! Pinch of salt people!

If your partner is already a dad then I personally wouldn’t have another baby at 43. It is pushing it and if you take a look at the risk factors at that age it’s quite terrifying. Between you both you’ve got 3 kids to support, could you realistically cope with a potentially disabled child? I am 45 and I’d struggle with a young child at this stage of my life, and as I approach the menopause years I think that would be even harder having a young child to cope with. Your decision of course, but you don’t necessarily need a child together. Enjoy the freedom you’ll have in a few years when the kids are growing up and you can enjoy time together

Brilliant - thanks for sharing! You sound amazing!

I think it depends where you live too. Where I am, babies are usually had in your 20’s. When I lived in London babies weren’t had till late 30’s -40’s. Where I live now 40’s is grandparent age.

Nonsense!

I don't think it's too old as such but I do wonder - why do you want another one? Had you stayed with your ex who you share a child with already would you have wanted a third child together, or is it the idea of making a family with your current partner? Because honestly 2 years is not long and a baby does not a family make. You can have a perfectly valid relationship and a loving blended family without adding a child to the mix.

I sometimes worry that the "meet boy - marry - have baby" narrative that is aggressively sold to us as women makes us on some level thing that it's only real love if we have children. And it's a bad narrative!

I would not have a baby in your circumstances, but then I wouldn't want to parent for 40 years, which is what would end up being the case for you. If that sounds great to you then go for it.

I had Dd at 42. She’s 16 now and delightful. I’m a bit creakier but I’m not knackered or ‘past it’ Menopause had zero impact on our relationship. l know all about Taylor Swift and Pheobe Bridgers. There’s no difference to me from having her at 42 and Dd at 30 tbh, apart from…..

When you get to late 50’s you will want to retire. Work gets harder, you get less interested, and you cba to put in the energy of a 25 year old even though it’s expected. If you have a teen dc you have to find them. So make sure you can find them and retirement.

Yes. I'm too old now and I'm younger than that. Wish I had my children in my 20s

I had one at 42, easy pregnancy and birth. It was fine and I was far from the oldest on the ward!