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AIBU?

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Original poster

Christmas money - per child or not when someone has a big family ??

189 replies

Pontipinetree · 22/11/2022 19:45

Not sure what to do - usually gift nieces and nephews and godchildren some money each Christmas (have always done this per child). However one family is huge and getting bigger ! So where all the others have 2 or 3 children one family has a lot meaning we give £20 per child but it’s manageable when it’s £40 or £60 per family but then one family is getting into the hundreds so we thought this year with things a bit more difficult we would just do £50 for each ‘set’ of children in each family.
It’s got back to us that this isn’t fair that we’ve always done £20 per child and this is relied on especially so this year and I feel guilty.

If you give money do you do it per child or just per family ? It just seems a lot when one family is so big compared to the others ?

AIBU to change things to just a set amount for everyone ?

OP posts:
Testina · 22/11/2022 19:52

I don’t think it’s fair to give 2 children £20 each and 5 children £8 each, no.
Especially not when the present is money, to children. A token “every family gets a board game and a tin of Quality Street” would be different. But here you’re literally handing out less cash to some kids than others.

Just work out your total budget, divide by the number of children: and that’s it.

Nobody is getting less because someone else is getting more.

avocadoandchill · 22/11/2022 19:52

I would set the limit per child to a smaller amount.

Or

Work out a maximum budget per family that you can afford and if the number of children in the family would exceed the budget at £20 each give the WHOLE family a voucher for the amount for a takeaway voucher or a large gift to share.

Original poster
Pontipinetree · 22/11/2022 19:51

BoredWithLife · 22/11/2022 19:47

Relied on? A Christmas present?

Yes because we’ve been doing it for a few years now I think it’s expected

OP posts:
PeachCottonTree · 22/11/2022 19:50

Definitely not being unreasonable. If they say they’re relying on these gifts then surely they should understand that everyone else is under more financial pressure too. They don’t get to decide how much other people spend on the children they chose to have.

Pompom2367 · 22/11/2022 19:50

I would just do a secret Santa among all the children in the family

Whattodo182 · 22/11/2022 19:49

My mum does the same. In fact. She doesn't even gift it to the grandchildren. She gives each of us a fixed amount to spend on the children. So if there's one child or 6, it's the same amount and we spend it how we like. Its never been a problem

Floralnomad · 22/11/2022 19:49

It’s a gift , you give what you want to give . Personally if people are going to be getting picky I’d just buy them all a small gift instead - the same for all of them .

HeyHeyHeyyyyy · 22/11/2022 19:49

Especially this year? Its not your fault that someone is expanding their family so much that they can't afford to gift their kids.
How many kids in one family? Perhaps £15 per child?

purpleme12 · 22/11/2022 19:48

No it's not fair.
You need to do per child
If it's too much money you just have to reduce how much you give to every single child (not just that family)

Randomness12 · 22/11/2022 19:48

YANBU at all to change, the cheek of them!

Relying on Christmas money gifts which are given to children is ridiculous!!

Do what you want or need to do, don’t pay any attention to any noise from them.

Ellmau · 22/11/2022 19:48

I would allow the same amount for each child, but make it less.

Coffeaddict · 22/11/2022 19:48

It's a gift so you give what you can afford to give.
Family money sounds fair to me then parents can divide as they see fit

BrewandBiscuit · 22/11/2022 19:47

Tricky one. I am a single parent with one child. My sister has 4 kids and a husband. I assume the kids all get the same from the frank parents but I can completely see where you are coming from

BoredWithLife · 22/11/2022 19:47

Relied on? A Christmas present?