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AIBU?

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Original poster

Christmas money - per child or not when someone has a big family ??

189 replies

Pontipinetree · 22/11/2022 19:45

Not sure what to do - usually gift nieces and nephews and godchildren some money each Christmas (have always done this per child). However one family is huge and getting bigger ! So where all the others have 2 or 3 children one family has a lot meaning we give £20 per child but it’s manageable when it’s £40 or £60 per family but then one family is getting into the hundreds so we thought this year with things a bit more difficult we would just do £50 for each ‘set’ of children in each family.
It’s got back to us that this isn’t fair that we’ve always done £20 per child and this is relied on especially so this year and I feel guilty.

If you give money do you do it per child or just per family ? It just seems a lot when one family is so big compared to the others ?

AIBU to change things to just a set amount for everyone ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pontipinetree · 22/11/2022 20:15

BigScreen · 22/11/2022 20:14

How many children do you have ?

2

OP posts:
WeAllHaveWings · 22/11/2022 20:14

I give to each of my nieces/nephews individually the same regardless of who their parents are. If £20 is too much they would all get reduced equally. The gifts are from you to the children, who their parents are is irrelevant.

Hippyatheart58 · 22/11/2022 20:14

I

BigScreen · 22/11/2022 20:14

How many children do you have ?

Chasingsquirrels · 22/11/2022 20:13

Selection box each and family game or similar

CeeceeBloomingdale · 22/11/2022 20:12

Definitely give them all the same amount, even if it's a smaller amount. Surely the kids with 7 siblings gets less the rest of the year than the smaller families do so they would benefit more with say £10 each rather than watch an only child who has the moon on a stick receive £20 while they get £5.

Treeeeeeee · 22/11/2022 20:12

Pontipinetree · 22/11/2022 19:52

7!!!!! And another on the way so much more than everyone else

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They are taking the piss. Set equal amount per family and split per child. If it was 2 v 3 child per family i would probably be saying different but 7 (going on 8 children) is frankly ridiculous and they need to get sterilised

HeckyPeck · 22/11/2022 20:08

Stickmansmum · 22/11/2022 20:04

I guess it depends on whether you see it as gifts or people.

I think you take your budget and divide by the loved ones (nieces, nephews and godchildren) in your life. You don’t punish some kids for having siblings.

I agree. I always treat my nieces and nephews the same.

In your plan OP a family with 2 kids, they get £25 each and the one with 7 only get £7 each.

Better for everyone to have £10 each surely?

Ponderingwindow · 22/11/2022 20:06

My parent sends the same amount to each adult child to distribute within our household as we see fit. I think that is fair and works very well since we live in different cities and don’t open presents together.

I have nieces and nephews from assorted families that are of very different sizes. I do adjust my gift budget per child by a bit, though I don’t keep a hard budget per family. It’s more that the side of the family that tends to have smaller families, the kids get bigger gifts. The side of the family that tends to have bigger families, I spend more total on the family, but the amount per child is a bit lower. I make sure all children opening gifts together get similar gifts, but if the families are only related through my marriage, they don’t necessarily have any reason to ever see one another at Christmas.

QuietYou · 22/11/2022 20:06

I always give the same per child but everyone apart from me has two children. I can see it could get expensive with loads of children.
The 'relied on' thing is a bit odd, do the children actually get the money?

Stickmansmum · 22/11/2022 20:04

I guess it depends on whether you see it as gifts or people.

I think you take your budget and divide by the loved ones (nieces, nephews and godchildren) in your life. You don’t punish some kids for having siblings.

x2boys · 22/11/2022 20:03

Pontipinetree · 22/11/2022 19:45

Not sure what to do - usually gift nieces and nephews and godchildren some money each Christmas (have always done this per child). However one family is huge and getting bigger ! So where all the others have 2 or 3 children one family has a lot meaning we give £20 per child but it’s manageable when it’s £40 or £60 per family but then one family is getting into the hundreds so we thought this year with things a bit more difficult we would just do £50 for each ‘set’ of children in each family.
It’s got back to us that this isn’t fair that we’ve always done £20 per child and this is relied on especially so this year and I feel guilty.

If you give money do you do it per child or just per family ? It just seems a lot when one family is so big compared to the others ?

AIBU to change things to just a set amount for everyone ?

They get what you can afford and are happy to give ,they cant demand

HeyHeyHeyyyyy · 22/11/2022 20:02

Pontipinetree · 22/11/2022 19:52

7!!!!! And another on the way so much more than everyone else

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Woahhhh. Perhaps £10 each.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 22/11/2022 20:01

Pontipinetree · 22/11/2022 19:55

The message that got back to me was that it’s relied on (from MIL of course 😖)

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CF’s!

8 kids, wtf. Is it a blended situation?

Anonymouseposter · 22/11/2022 20:00

While I would treat all the children as individuals regardless of the number of siblings I don’t think it’s up to your MIL to get involved and tell you what to do.

Original poster
Pontipinetree · 22/11/2022 20:00

PeachCottonTree · 22/11/2022 19:57

Just realised you give money and not gifts. If it’s getting tricky to give money per child I’d do smaller gifts for everyone or a family present they can all enjoy.

Yes maybe I need to make it a family gift a voucher and nice tin of biscuits or something each

OP posts:
EscapeRoomToTheSun · 22/11/2022 19:57

Pontipinetree · 22/11/2022 19:52

7!!!!! And another on the way so much more than everyone else

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Flippin heck. I would suck it up for this year because its close and then next year tell everyone in like September that you're not doing individual child gifts anymore.

PeachCottonTree · 22/11/2022 19:57

Just realised you give money and not gifts. If it’s getting tricky to give money per child I’d do smaller gifts for everyone or a family present they can all enjoy.

Anonymouseposter · 22/11/2022 19:55

I give my grandchildren the same amount per child rather than per family. If it got difficult for me to afford I would just give all of them a little less.

Original poster
Pontipinetree · 22/11/2022 19:55

Testina · 22/11/2022 19:53

I think you mean expected, not relied on though?

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The message that got back to me was that it’s relied on (from MIL of course 😖)

OP posts:
KSAM · 22/11/2022 19:54

Per child, it doesn't matter to us how many are in each family. We buy for that family because we want to, and wouldn't give more to some nieces/nephews than others just because they have more siblings. If there was a cost issue i personally would give maybe 10/15 per child rather than 20, for all the children not just the children in thay family. But they are cheeky saying they rely on it, it's a gift and shouldn't be expected

Testina · 22/11/2022 19:53

Pontipinetree · 22/11/2022 19:51

Yes because we’ve been doing it for a few years now I think it’s expected

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I think you mean expected, not relied on though?

StillTryingtoBuy · 22/11/2022 19:53

I would give the same amount to each child - doesn’t seem fair that one child gets more than another because they have fewer siblings? I think you should treat them as individuals, basically. Absolutely fine to reduce the amount and only spend what you can afford in total and also natural for habits / family gifting traditions to change and evolve.

Original poster
Pontipinetree · 22/11/2022 19:52

HeyHeyHeyyyyy · 22/11/2022 19:49

Especially this year? Its not your fault that someone is expanding their family so much that they can't afford to gift their kids.
How many kids in one family? Perhaps £15 per child?

7!!!!! And another on the way so much more than everyone else

OP posts:
avocadoandchill · 22/11/2022 19:52

Pompom2367 · 22/11/2022 19:50

I would just do a secret Santa among all the children in the family

I would suggest this for next year. The kids will have fun choosing.