Christmas money - per child or not when someone has a big family ??

I'd say there is absolutely no problem giving less but keep the amount per child the same.

I would reduce the spend for each child but treat all of them equally. Kids don't get to choose the number of siblings and it would be sad to penalise them for having more siblings than their cousins.
I would give a £10 each, if you can afford it. Don't be guilt tripped by other parents. It's a gift, you give what you can afford to and the times are difficult for everyone.

To be

Sorry I'm scrolling while watching a film I've not read every comment to be honest 🤷🏻‍♀️ I think I might have been harsh with that it sounds harsh reading it back anyway and wasn't meant to he.

They chose to have 7 kids, and another on the way…. You didn’t. And it’s not your responsibility to provide for them. I suspect from your mil’s wording that the family uses your gifted money and now relies on it. I would stop now. The other families seem on board. Buy a tin of sweets for the family, if you also gift to the parents, and a selection box for each child. Very fair, each child gets exactly the same, so no one can say it’s not fair. If Mil moans tell her you cannot afford to keep paying out and have your own Christmas to fund.

I would also stop being so generous on Boxing Day. Host by all means, but everyone has to bring something. Drink, nibbles, salad etc. don’t let them take you for a mug.

I was thinking the same. I have 4 with number 5 on the way & would never expect someone to buy all my children gifts. To be honest my family is the opposite and none of them gift anyone (different excuse every year), it's always been expected that I do though but that's another story lol.
I would assume this is coming from the MIL and the children's parents would be mortified if they knew.

Don't put yourself under pressure. I wouldn't give money, get them all a nice book you think they would like & write a personal message inside it. Gifts are more thoughtful anyway & then you can avoid the crazy financial expectation put on you.

Tried on would make me think FUCK THAT

Grabby fuckers. If I were you, I'd dispense with gift giving altogether. Give to nobody and receive from nobody.

It's so strange how 2 people have chosen my post to quote now.
Numerous people have given the same opinion as mine (to reduce the spend on each child, not just in the big family so every child is the same and she's not spending any more overall)

My mums side of the family got round this issue and the problem of 20years between eldest and youngest sibling having kids by giving each other a "box" or "hamper" of stuff to share. It usually has boxes of sweets, wine, a family game, calendar, comedy books, a dvd and odd little bits and pieces for the kids to share/fight over.

If so, then that’s just tough. Gifts are gifts, you can’t be demanding they continue as you are relying on them. It’s time for them make other changes in their life, stop having kids if that’s the case.

This is laughable don't be silly. Someone with 8 kids can't expect the world to afford them all. Surely if they can afford 8 kids they are really well off anyway. I can barely afford to raise 1.

Just buy huge lollies and tie a fiver to the stick and give one to each child.

I would be interested to see how you splitting between families would go down if they are relying on presents. Maybe they want your gifts to pad out what the kids are getting as they can't afford much so if the overall goes down, they may still not be happy

Yanbu that's far too much. My sister has 4 kids and I have 1 and she always goes overboard with mine as she feels bad that I buy for 4. I tell her there's no need and she shouldn't though obviously. I used to give her kids £50 worth of toys each but can't afford to this year so will be less.

Are the other families doing the same and giving money, like swapping money between families to give to the children? Does it go to the children or to parents to buy with? If you agreed to drop the amount per child between you then surely there is no problem with relying upon the money as they will also save money?

I would reduce the amount per child within the family. I can’t quite imagine the neck of someone trying to police what value of gifts you give. If they are ‘relying on it’ it sounds like someone in the family needs to pick up some extra seasonal work to provide for their children. Dh and I only have 2, because we sensibly decided that any more would stretch our ability to provide for all of them.

My MIL does this. SIL and I both have two children, but BIL has 6. She spends the same about per family, it is EXCRUCIATING if she gives the presents when we are all together. If you need to rethink how much you spend, then of course do that, but perhaps a family gift of a game and a thing to eat instead of cash.

Then tough. You are not a charity.

Is it a blended family? Perhaps that would make a difference regarding the gifts. It might be simpler to have a total amount and split it equally between all the kids

Relied on? That would put my back up for a start.

I’d buy presents from now on. A board game and some chocolates/ sweets per family, or similar.

Seems a bit mean if you're actually giving cash. You'd be able to get away with it less obviously if you bought physical gifts.

They shouldn't except anything!!

You shouldn't have to feel bad or struggle because you're expected to buy Christmas presents for half the towns kids.

Just get what you can and if they seem ungrateful don't even bother next year.

It's not your fault they chose to have so many kids and if they rely on the money then they should have thought about it before having baby number 8.

Well ok fair enough. Different opinions and everything.
However my suggestion still wouldn't be stretching herself like you said, as my suggestion was to spend the same amount overall.

We give a gift per family now because some families have one child whereas another has seven due to a blended set up. So it's a board game and a tin of chocolates or biscuits so no more than £20 per family now.