Christmas money - per child or not when someone has a big family ??

That is utterly ridiculous to have 7 of 8 children and expect family to gift £20 per child. Or "to rely on it"

Just because you could afford it at a stretch in previous years doesn't mean you can or will continue. This year is perfect year to strip back as everyone understands cost of living increase. It's very CF of MIL or these parents to say and ring other than Thankyou to what you gift to then

I disagree with other PPs, I gift per family for my budget. So those with more children have to share it out more.
With that many relatives nieces and nephews I would gift £30 per family, so it was £90 overall. They can share it out or not.

I don't understand why you're giving money though to each other's children- surely with that many children in the family do you really need to give gifts to each individual when it's money anyway- why can't they get £20 as a Santa gift from all their aunts uncles and cousins ?

Maybe though it's time to either gift selection boxes or those Xmas gold bunnies each. Or simply to stop

I would just suggest not giving gifts to any of the nieces and nephews at all, and they don't give to your kids in return. I think that's the only "fair" way to do it - rather than some kids getting less than others, everyone gets the same (zero).

If you're all just swapping envelopes of money anyway it's not like they're getting thoughtful gifts that they'll now miss - it sounds a bit like the parents just pocket the cash anyway!

You can do what you want. Quit the cash and give the children a board game between them 😜

I don't get it. Its the parents responsibility to explain to the kids of the bigger family that is how the real world works! Why should the 1 child family be getting less? Because someone has 4 kids? Kids need to be told no, things are not always fair.... I went to bed later than my brother because I was nearly 3 years older it's the way it was. There was hardly any moaning.

This^

It sounds like the kids don't get the money.

Selection box each from now on.

Surely if you have 7 kids, you would be feeling the pinch with the current price rises. You'd have to be pretty thick skinned not to realise people are cutting back this year. Accepting £140 in cash every year is cheeky enough but the 'it's relied upon' comment would have had me fuming.

OP, you have been incredibly generous in the past. But a gift is a gift, it is not a contract. Yes, it's a shame their kids don't get as much but that is not your issue to solve. You made your choices and they made theirs.

On a side note - here is my a cheap and cheerful gift idea. Large mason type glass jar. IKEA do cheap ones with clip top. Decal name stickers from eBay for around 1.20/1.50. Gold/silver, Marvel or Harry Potter scripts are popular with kids then fill with sweets. I buy the packs of three or four - whichever is on sales. Once the sweets are finished they have a jar with their name on it

I’d be interested to know what presents OP’s two kids get from this family. Do the family expect (or rely on) £140 worth of presents for their 7 kids and give £40 worth of presents to OP’s kids? I know one does not give in order to receive but it can be quite unfair. My friends and family have gone down the “let’s save money and not buy presents for the adults, let’s just buy for the kids” route. Great. Family A has one child, family B has one child, family C has three, family D has two, family E has three…. and I have no kids, but end up buying ten presents and get nothing in return.

We just get family presents at Christmas- a board game and some chocolates.

Sounds to me like your MIL is stirring the pot. I'd personally either go with a family gift, board game, snacks etc or reduce equally but either way, you do you and don't be guilt tripped. The awful part is that this family may have said nothing negative about the situation but your mother in law's stirring would naturally get your hackles up and is going to cause animosity.

I can't be the only one who would love to know what the MIL means by 'rely on'. Did she essentially mean 'look forward to' or was she actually suggesting that the bulk of the presents their kids get will come from the money given by OP, and they will receive noticeably less (even nothing?) if it isn't forthcoming?

I'm wondering if the £20s do make it to the children or if their parents take them and buy them £20-worth of presents each with it. In fact, if the latter, do the children even know the source of the money or do the parents pass the presents off as coming from them?

I really hope that the £20s don't just go into general household funds and the kids get nothing anyway.

This year we decided on £60 per fam. My sis has 3kids so was £20 per kid. I have 5 kids so the eldest get a token gift and the littles get £15

@Pontipinetree we have around 20 nieces and nephews between us and still more on the way (we are the oldest of large sibling groups) This year, we've chosen to book our local trampolining park on a date near to Christmas. We've invited all the children (we don't buy for adult nephews and nieces anymore) and paid for them to play and then eat.
It means we treat them for Christmas and we get the chance to see them all.
Parents are staying so we get to spend time with our siblings too.

If they are relying on your £20 per child they need to stop having kids! I'd just give a tin of sweets to each family or a selection box to each child. Mil needs to stop being the messenger and shouldn't get involved in what you do.

Ideally, none of the children should miss out/get less because they have lots of siblings, but realistically, that's going to be their whole life in a very big family, in so many different ways. They didn't choose to have so many siblings, but their parents did choose to have so many - and for each of those children to get less/a smaller share of just about everything.

It's interesting how they expect you to be able to keep affording the same amount for an unlimited number of children, yet they 'rely' on it (which could be open to some interpretation), suggesting that they themselves can't keep affording it.

In one way, it's unfair if each child in the massive family gets less, but in another, it also means that - depending on their ages - they can benefit from sharing whatever their siblings spend their money on; ergo a family with two children have only £40 of toys/games available in their house whilst a family of 8 will have £160-worth in theirs, as long as they don't spend it on consumables.

This will probably sound weird, but the only truly fair way I can think of is for you to give the same amount to the parents of the big family as to the parents of the much smaller families, then agree that the children will all get £20 each from you, BUT the parents add the rest on your behalf to make it up, so that each of their children still gets £20 'from Aunty Sue & Uncle Mike'. That way, nobody is penalised for circumstances beyond their control and the only people who have to pay out more are those who actively decided to have a very large family, knowing full well that it would end up costing them a shed load more.

YANBU. It’s your gift to choose to give as you see fit. If the parents are so hard up that they rely on their kids Christmas money then why do they keep having children??

Stop the cash - start buying each family a tub of chocolates and a new board game to share- and that’s their lot.

If I was you just say you're stopping it. Cost of living crisis and all that

Send them all a fiver and a chocolate Santa! Job done!

Rely on it !! Cheeky fuckers , you give what you can afford end of .

I’d stick with £50 and then deduct £40 as a carbon tax.

If they’re having an eighth child whilst reliant on £20 at Christmas, they don’t deserve a gift.

My grandparents always gave "per family" as there was a huge family, and some of their kids had 4 kids, some had 1, so it wouldn't be fair if one "family" got say £200 in total and one got £50 etc. however it did cause problems because then one of my cousins had, say, £200 to himself, whereas we only had, say, £50 each.
It's tricky - could you buy a "family gift", so like I've bought one family a board game between them rather than spend the £20 each I usually would

We have knocked it on the head this year, not actually because of the expense but more because we never know what to buy. Instead we have all picked names out of a hat and we are doing a secret Santa instead. My sister has 3 kids I only have 1.
could you not suggest this to your family? It keeps it fair as everyone receives a present of the same value. Obviously the parents have to buy on behalf of the kids so your family may see this as unfair. It’s a tough one!

Why not make it £10 per child larger family and either same for others or more if you want as if not all same family how would they know
I spend more in my neice and nephew and two of dh nephews because we see each other etc and we spend similar amounts, all have two kids etc , dh sister has 3 kids and we barely see them so I spend a little less as does she and she doesn't know what I spend on others as I don't discuss and has no idea what I gift my god children etc

Your relatives don't get to choose what gifts you give.

That said, I would definitely pick and overall budget and split it equally between all the children. Children are all individuals, not just one of a set of siblings. It's not their choice how often their parents procreate.

Family gifts or reduced amount for everyone.

Think about it this way: you have a set budget for gifts (say £100) and need to buy for X children (say 10). You don’t calculate it as 6 children get £15 and the other 4 get £2.50 or any other variation. It’s £10 each.

If they're "relying" on it, I would assume the parents are keeping the money anyway!

I'd go for the chocolate Santa with their name on it for everyone, much less money and hassle