Christmas money - per child or not when someone has a big family ??

I'm starting to think they're using your cash to pay for their Christmas expenses. Im not sure the chikdren are getting it. If I were you, I'd send each family, a box of chocolates and a game. If finances are limited, then a selection box per child.That is a lovely thoughtful present.

I would give the same amount to each dc.

But if the number of dc I was buying for got higher I would spilt the budget equally between them, so would reduce the amount each.

On the unpopular Christmas opinions someone replied to my comment about cash being a cop out gift saying that they were annoyed with their PIL because they stopped giving cash and started buying gifts. They used to use it towards the car service and MOT in January and that £££ was part of the budgeting.

🙄🙄🙄

It’s not a problem for the family that has an only child but why should 2/3 or even 4 siblings get less spent on them each?

I think all children should receive equal, my DN’s shouldn’t get less each because only one of my IVF cycles was successful.

That chopped off what I wrote?! It was meant to say:

Give a much as you can afford. But I would give the same to all the children - so do you pot and divide them by the nieces and nephews rather than by family. It's presents to them, and they shouldn't be punished for having siblings.

That seems fair after a fashion, but they are still being punished for having siblings - it's just that all of the cousins are punished. Aside from the fact that, if they already believe themselves to be 'entitled', they/their parents might question why they got less - and then that puts the 'blame' on their new baby siblings (who never asked to be born), it can be easier said than done to reduce it accordingly: If there were previously X children altogether, and then another is born, you might end up with a very strange - and obviously down-adjusted - amount if you split the previous budget fairly. "Look, aren't Aunty Sue & Uncle Mike kind - they've put £16.83 in cash in your card!"

Give a much as you can afford. But I would give the same to all the children - so do you pot and divide them by the nieces and nephews rather than by family. It's presents to them, and they shouldn't be punished for having siblings.

That seems fair after a fashion, but they are still being punished for having siblings - it's just that all of the cousins are punished. Aside from the fact that, if they are

I would give a gift card .of the same value to each family for the children. It would not depend upon the number of children. You are giving a gift not meeting a financial obligation. I might add a box of chocolates or a large box of holiday sweets to go along with the gift cards.

When gifts get to be an entitlement or an obligation , you have truly lost the spirit of the holiday.

@Bleachmycloths couldn’t you see it was on a par with “haven’t you got a TV?”. Fuckwittage is still fuckwittage even when you present it as an oh so funny little “joke”.

You do what you can afford, but id divide the whole lot by the total children, as a child that was treated differently because of 4 siblings and constantly left out of family events because there was more of us I can tell you it sucks.

We used to watch all our cousins and aunts and uncles go on holiday together and not be invited because there was too many of us. Its shite and nothing the child has done.

Presents and amounts is always guaranteed to piss people off!!

People expecting gifts is awful. What a way to bring up your children.
A gift per family is gone and very generous. I’d be tempted to send them a card with x number of trees have been planted in your name written inside.

Give a much as you can afford. But I would give the same to all the children - so do you pot and divide them by the nieces and nephews rather than by family. It's presents to them, and they shouldn't be punished for having siblings.

Nieces and nephews should all get the same as each other so you could reduce the amount for everyone.

Godchildren I think you can treat differently if you want to.

My nieces and nephews are family/humans in their own right and treated as individuals.

I don’t set a budget per child as within reason I want to get them all something that they’ll be happy when they open but that doesn’t necessarily mean expensive or equal cost.

My thoughts on your situation:

The youngest few of the eight (presuming there’s young kids as this seems like a recent issue) is probably drowning in handy down toys/clothes/books or too young to really realise what gift giving is about. They’d get a small wrapped stocking filler.

The primary age kids would be given a craft type activity kit that’s personal to them but also inexpensive.

Secondary age kids would be given a voucher/cash for £20 (if their parents are hard up they probably don’t get pocket money/get new things/their own things).

It’s not the kids fault their parents decided to have so many kids and they’re already missing out compared to their peers. A box of quality street and a board game isn’t thoughtful and they’ll know that they don’t mean much to you. But then again, lots of uncle/aunts don’t particularly care for their nieces/nephews but don’t be surprised if you’re not invited to their weddings/loose contact once they fly the nest.

I’d stop with the cash I reckon the kids not getting it.

Go to the works 10 books for £10, 10 selection boxes and a board game or two for the entire family. Maybe a tub of chocolates and a bottle of wine for mum and dad.

switch it up every couple of years, so next next it’s a huge crafts bundle of bits picked up thought the year, a baking bundle to make cakes etc so it’s almost more family experiences as gifts.

You can do the same kinda thing with the other family groups too. It’s harder to tell how much people have spent then too.

I would do a family gift, maybe a game and some chocolates? Or reduce the amount per child and give them all the same.

I think this year is the perfect time to change your custom.

I'm with the 'board game and box of Quality St per family' team.

Lord knows how you work it for birthdays, mind!

For their cheek, I'd give them a six-pack bag of Aldi crisps and tell them it's a jigsaw of a potato

Brilliant!

EIGHT children! Blimey.

To be honest though I think I probably would budget per family not per child. So if you are budgeting £60 for the family with three kids, I'd spend that on the bigger family too. Probably best to buy something for the family like biscuits and chocolates rather than give the money to the parents to disappear into the general household pot.

(the two kids in the two kid family can still get £20 each)

To be honest, even if the family with soon-to-be 8 kids only had 3, you'd still have a lot of kids to buy for.

Couldn’t you see that her suggestion of condoms was not serious????

My Dad gave money gifts last year. He has three daughters. I'm the only one with kids. Let's say he gave my sisters £300 each and me £200 and then each of my children £50. He's doing the same amount per daughter or household but doesn't give the £300 to me he puts the kids money in their hands or account so they know he gave them that gift and it's to be used for them.

That sounds fair to me, and is broadly in line with how many people would write/intend their wills - leaving equal amounts to each of their children's families (whether dividing it themselves by the individual members or leaving the whole family share to their child and expecting that their GC would also benefit).

That said, however, it's a different dynamic when it's money given directly downwards (parent to child to grandchild) rather than across (sibling to sibling or niece/nephew) - and also the numbers of people involved: if it's (soon) a family of 10, then there are only two adults to 'take' from and redistribute their share to 8 children, which doesn't necessarily stretch that far!

@Bleachmycloths awe was the awkward woman pointing out arseholeary and ruining your fun? Do you preface your “jokes” with “no offence but…”?

grow up

Please lighten up! 🤣

It’s MIL’s fault. She should have kept their complaint to herself.

seriously WHY do you think commenting on their choice of family size is appropriate? Do you give jokey little fertility herbs to childless people?

I think a lot of it hangs on the meaning and reality of the phrase 'rely on', as used by MIL. If they are genuinely so poor that they depend on Christmas gifts from others (does this mean that the children don't get other presents from their parents or that the parents use those £20s to buy all/most of the gifts their kids will get - we don't have the full story?), then it was very irresponsible to have 8 children (assuming they've now stopped there).

8 is an extreme choice of family size, IF it is the case that they can't really afford them. It's not at all the same as infertility, where people are desperate for one or two children. If somebody with 6 children were inconsolable about being able to have more children - or a 65yo grandmother upset that her children were now all grown up and she couldn't have any more of her own - they would have every right to feel that way, but I don't think they'd get much sympathy from most people.

They're taking the piss with 7 kids. I get my 4 nieces and nephews a 100 pound voucher for the cinema.