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What to do with male neighbour

334 replies

Deemarie11 · 10/11/2022 12:58

I'm 30 l live alone in a small terraced house. I've been living here for one year. Next door to me lives a man in his late 50s. We have nothing in common. We would say hello the odd time but thats it. The houses don't open right onto the street. We have a very small front garden, walls and gate each.

My front garden is very small, it's not something you would sit in. So I am only ever in it to mow my small lawn, paint the small walls etc.

Any time that I am EVER in my front garden, my male neighbour will come over right to my walk, to talk to me.

Last time I was mowing my lawn, he came out of his house, came over to my walk and started talking to me about something.

Today, I was painting my small wall in my front garden. He came over right to my walk and said "hey! I'm expecting a package. Will you take it in. They said they'd leave it with a neighbour".

I didn't want to but I said yes even though I didnt want to, as I was nervous and trying to get him to go away. He will probably be over to me later looking for it, which causes more stress for me.

I'm starting to be nervous every time I go out in my front garden, I kind of dash in and out as I know he will be straight over. He is creeping me out. I literally cannot go in my garden and do one simple thing without him coming straight over. It's giving me anxiety. If I saw my female neighbour across the road doing gardening, I wouldn't go straight over , lean over her wall and start talking to her. I know I would be intruding on her privacy. He does it every single time. It's really giving me anxiety. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
NoNonsenseinNorfolk · 10/11/2022 16:20

Deemarie11 · 10/11/2022 14:16

Just to get all the information in. He is not nice either. The other reason I'm a bit afraid of him is that I wasn't friendly to him once in the past, and he punished me by playing loud music for weeks.

He plays in a band. And he has a rehearsal studio in his house. He doesn't usually use it.

One time in the past he came over to talk to me and I was busy/not that friendly to them , he then proceeded to play extremely loud music in his rehearsal studio all evening for the next two weeks. And I am talking like living next to a nightclub.
He has all the professional equipment. He was singing for six hours into a microphone in the evening and it was booming out of massive speakers. He did that for two weeks after I wasn't friendly to him once, to get back at me.

So when he comes over now even though I don't like him at all, I try to be slightly polite as i am worried that he will get worse if I'm not.

That is why when he asked me to take the parcel in for him, I said yes out of nervousness because I was afraid of what he would do if I said no. Would be play blasting loud music for weeks again. And when I say loud it is horrendous.

Yeah it is not a good situation. I need to get out of here next year.

It sounds really awful and creepy OP. I had an experience similar to yours with a 'friendly' neighbour, you have my sympathies. ( I haven't read every post so not sure if someone else has suggested it but:)
Here's what worked, in the end when I was starting to actually get quite scared of him: when he next came for me, I started pulling bat-shit crazy faces, Orange's Suzanne 'Crazy Eyes' faces x1000, and, inside my house I had a few very loud incoherent wailing conversations with myself, moved furniture loudly, threw pans in my bath for noise, etc, etc. (as you can tell I didn't really care what he thought of me): he literally stopped bothering me from one day to the next, the prat. Tables were turned, I guess.

Rian94ra · 10/11/2022 16:18

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Emotionalsupportviper · 10/11/2022 16:16

Testina · 10/11/2022 16:14

@Emotionalsupportviper 🤣 I’m sorry! That’s clear to me now you’ve said it!

No problem - it's not always easy to tell on here - especially when someone's behaviour is so appalling that feelings run high.

Musti · 10/11/2022 16:16

What a prick. Don’t smile. Wear headphones . If he interrupt tell him you’re in the middle of a coaching call and can’t talk. Say the minimum. Refuse to take parcels in. If the door goes with his parcel ignore it. Give monosyllabic bare minimum answers.

Onesipmore · 10/11/2022 16:15

Im wondering why the OP is so nervous. You mentions several times in the OP that the front garden is very tiny, I wouldn't have thought if it was so tiny and especially now we are approaching winter you would be out in it much? But I suspect that's not the point.It seems to extra to be so agitated about taking in someones parcel unless there is some sort of backstory. Has your mother made you nervous by telling you about her experiences being watched, or is she trying to tell you her situation was worse and yours is no big deal?

Deemarie11 · 10/11/2022 16:15

forevercooking · 10/11/2022 16:11

I've been driven out for my home by my neighbour. I can't leave the house/bring my shopping in/ vacuum my car or take my bin out without him being out asking where I'm going/been, what I'm up to. Goes to his bin passed my front door 14 times in 38 minutes. Constantly creeping around. Looks through windows - takes in parcels he's been told not to do you have to go and collect them. He often opens those parcels and claims he got confused. Knocks on the door all the time about nonsense. It's hell!!!

Exactly this.

OP posts:
Emotionalsupportviper · 10/11/2022 16:14

forevercooking · 10/11/2022 16:11

I've been driven out for my home by my neighbour. I can't leave the house/bring my shopping in/ vacuum my car or take my bin out without him being out asking where I'm going/been, what I'm up to. Goes to his bin passed my front door 14 times in 38 minutes. Constantly creeping around. Looks through windows - takes in parcels he's been told not to do you have to go and collect them. He often opens those parcels and claims he got confused. Knocks on the door all the time about nonsense. It's hell!!!

That's awful!

These things are so intimidating and annoying, but too easily dismissed by police etc. Horrible situation,

Testina · 10/11/2022 16:14

@Emotionalsupportviper 🤣 I’m sorry! That’s clear to me now you’ve said it!

Emotionalsupportviper · 10/11/2022 16:12

Testina · 10/11/2022 16:05

@Emotionalsupportviper “Could you possibly be more patronising?”

If you’ve got suggestions for me to make it more patronising, I’ll be glad to hear them, thanks. The more patronising the better I think, in the face of a post like that. Have you seen his follow up?

Sorry @Testina
It was his comment I was getting at - not yours.

Apologies for not being clear.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/11/2022 16:11

I think you might need to put some trellis up taller than the wall and fix a climbing plant onto it.

forevercooking · 10/11/2022 16:11

Minikievs · 10/11/2022 13:53

People would really consider living because a neighbour has chatted a few times?!
Just be brief and polite and don't engage in a huge conversation.
I love chatting with my neighbours, but appreciate it isn't the sane for everyone.
On the basis of the OP though I'm not sure it warrants moving house Confused

I've been driven out for my home by my neighbour. I can't leave the house/bring my shopping in/ vacuum my car or take my bin out without him being out asking where I'm going/been, what I'm up to. Goes to his bin passed my front door 14 times in 38 minutes. Constantly creeping around. Looks through windows - takes in parcels he's been told not to do you have to go and collect them. He often opens those parcels and claims he got confused. Knocks on the door all the time about nonsense. It's hell!!!

Emotionalsupportviper · 10/11/2022 16:10

Testina · 10/11/2022 16:01

@Blueboy1001 you can also fuck off with the petulant “didn’t know men weren’t allowed to post” shite.

As for this gem, “It's not harassment until he knows it's harassment”… 🙄
I do hope you meant it when you said you won’t post again, because nobody needs that shite on here.

Seconded.

Cam22 · 10/11/2022 16:05

Butchyrestingface · 10/11/2022 15:59

@Deemarie11

By the way, you were 38 in your thread t'other day. How is it you are now 30?

Oh dear.

Testina · 10/11/2022 16:05

@Emotionalsupportviper “Could you possibly be more patronising?”

If you’ve got suggestions for me to make it more patronising, I’ll be glad to hear them, thanks. The more patronising the better I think, in the face of a post like that. Have you seen his follow up?

bewarethetides · 10/11/2022 16:04

FieldMapleMabel · 10/11/2022 13:48

If you do take his parcel in, keep an eye out for him arriving home and dash around to his with it so he's not coming to your house. Then put a note on your door for delivery drivers, stating you don't take in parcels for neighbours.

Lots of men are like this. They feel entitled to female attention. It happens when I'm walking my dog on the common. Quite regularly male dog walkers will take a route that deliberately crosses mine, when there's loads of space and when I'm deliberately changing direction to avoid them. Then they expect a chat. I've observed this for decades. They don't do this to other men. But you'll be told to be kind. Many women believe that women should be support humans for entitled men.

I've seen this as well when out and about, it's quite annoying.

miltonj · 10/11/2022 16:04

miltonj · 10/11/2022 15:52

Why are you nervous? Has he done anything g untoward? Sounds like normal neighbourly behaviour to me. Doesn't sound like a male/female thing.
Is there a reason why you are so nervous of being asked to take a parcel? Or find it stressful? It feels sad that we have come so far as to resent our neighbours talking to us or are reluctant to take in parcels!

Ok sorry, just read your updates about music. I'm with you now. No advice, other than get a ring doorbell and make sure you tell your friends/family, that he's a potential threat.

TheaBrandt · 10/11/2022 16:03

“When I’m sorting out my garden I’m in the zone and not looking for conversation - see you round”.

Testina · 10/11/2022 16:01

@Blueboy1001 you can also fuck off with the petulant “didn’t know men weren’t allowed to post” shite.

As for this gem, “It's not harassment until he knows it's harassment”… 🙄
I do hope you meant it when you said you won’t post again, because nobody needs that shite on here.

Emotionalsupportviper · 10/11/2022 16:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Could you possibly be more patronising?

Butchyrestingface · 10/11/2022 15:59

@Deemarie11

By the way, you were 38 in your thread t'other day. How is it you are now 30?

Cam22 · 10/11/2022 15:57

Yep.

Butchyrestingface · 10/11/2022 15:53

@Deemarie11. -- ah yes, thought the name seemed familiar. You seem to be having rather a lot of issues with boundaries.

IceandIndigo · 10/11/2022 15:52

He sounds awful OP, and your update about the music removes any need to give him the benefit of the doubt. You need to find ways to shut down any conversation, even if it means being direct to the point of rudeness. Lots of good suggestions by PP. I had a neighbour a bit like this. I think he was probably just lonely, but he used to spend a lot of time sitting in his back garden and then he'd try to start a conversation every time I was in mine. I found it really intrusive. Eventually I just told him directly something like "I'm sorry, but gardening is something I do to relax and be alone with my thoughts, so I'm not really looking for a conversation". After that I would just ignore him whenever we were both in the garden, not make eye contact etc, and he stopped bothering me.

If he retaliates with the music again a direct approach is needed, I'd knock on his door and ask him to turn it down as it's bothering you. If he refuses you can report him to the council for noise nuisance. And at least after that you won't have to pretend to be on good terms with him anymore, if he comes out when you're in your garden just ignore him and don't respond if he talks to you.

miltonj · 10/11/2022 15:52

Why are you nervous? Has he done anything g untoward? Sounds like normal neighbourly behaviour to me. Doesn't sound like a male/female thing.
Is there a reason why you are so nervous of being asked to take a parcel? Or find it stressful? It feels sad that we have come so far as to resent our neighbours talking to us or are reluctant to take in parcels!

Cam22 · 10/11/2022 15:50

TMI in that post above, OP…