What to do with male neighbour

I think it’s very sad that people don’t want to speak to their neighbours. Don’t you want the feeling of security, knowing that if you have an emergency, there are people there to help? Maybe it’s different if you don’t have responsibilities but when I was on my own with two small children and dogs I’d have given anything to know that there were friendly people around even if they were a bit of a nuisance.

That said, the man does sound creepy and if you encourage him, before you know it he’ll be declaring undying love!

I have.

As OP said, what about being her next door neighbour exactly makes him less of a thread?

What i meant was that the fact he lives next door makes it not that unusual that he'd want to make conversation just for the sake of being a friendly neighbour- it's not as if he's coming from 3 blocks away in order to especially harass her.

@MysteryBelle is in the US.
I was amused by the idea that you might make a neighbour ask a postman for a parcel. Maybe that’s how it works over the pond. Here, the “postman” is a stealth Yodel type person the neighbour will never see, and even when it’s RM, you don’t ask them for you parcel. It either comes out with them again and arrives without request, or they leave you a card and it’s Brenda at the SubPO that you’re asking.

@Lovemusic33 exactly.
Im not sure how people deduce he is creepy or 'awful' Neighbour makes chat (infrequently - tiny garden) Neighbour has asked if OP can take in parcel once. Hardly merit worthy of calling the old Bill !

Just because in the OP's case she feels uncomfortable and her neighbour is overstepping, doesn't mean that's always the case.

And just because it's mostly a completely normal part of having neighbours doesn't mean the OP is wrong about her specific situation.

He’s not just coincidentally in his garden too, though. He awaits until OP is out in hers then comes out as well, to bother her.

Why do you think “especially not the next door neighbour” can’t be a rapist? Where do you think rapists all live, in detached countryside estates?

😅

I think I’m totally missing something here.

My neighbours always talk to me if I am out the front, sometimes they will walk over and say hello 😱. I often take parcels for people, they then come and collect them, most of them are male and I am a single female. I have never felt creeped out about it, people are just friendly and occasionally a bit nosey. I think it’s sad that many people don’t know the people that live on their road or even the people next door. Growing up in a village everyone knew each other and the neighbours came over for drinks etc.., when did it become creepy to talk to a neighbour?

threat, not thread!!

Ah strangely I haven't seen much of that. I do get much less attention when actively with DP but when alone I find men of that ilk to act exactly the same, and if they are one off encounters, they have happened with my DC in tow

I don't know I give off some kind of single vibes at work but I have never found that even people knowing I have a partner/DC slowed down this stuff.

I'm making it sound like EVERY man I meet does this! That's definitely not the case I've worked with loads of decent guys.

I had a neighbor opposit like this but MORE creepy (would ask who visiting men where, would comment on things I do in private, would follow me into town and would talk inappropriately about things like postitutes).

He was stalkery/peeping tom-y but harmless, it was the other male neighbor nextdoor that was trouble... drunk violant alpha male who would regularly threaten me, he made the creeper seem lovely.

Both have now moved though and been replaced by women who seem polite and normal.

But I guess MN is full of people who don't answer their front doors unless the person rang ahead so the replies shouldn't be surprising.

And there I was thinking MN is quite a humourless place these days... eye, splinter, beam of wood...guilty as charged🤐

As OP said, what about being her next door neighbour exactly makes him less of a thread?

You are far, far more likely to be harmed by someone you know than someone you don't know. This information is important and shouldn't be waved away.

It's easy to look at the superficial elements of what's happening and dismiss it. But OP is explaining that he intimidates her, he always approaches her, and she feels he "punishes" her if she doesn't reciprocate his interest in her. She has much more insight to his behaviour, the atmosphere and all those other contextual things.

Second, call police and begin a harassment report to establish pattern.

Not a good idea. Telling the police you view your neighbour making conversation with you as harassment is not going to go down well. Sadly, there's a danger that the only pattern you establish is that they start to view you as a time-waster.

I'd say "No offence but I don't want to chat right now".

I wouldn't say Sorry or Thanks or any of those platitudes. I think you need to be ready to say something short and direct that you can say as soon as he comes over.

The "right now" is both to soften it just a tad, and also because as he's a neighbour, you might one day have to knock on his door for a parcel or something unavoidable, so you might not want to burn bridges completely at this stage.

I honestly don't know the answer as truthfully lots of these things in my life have only stopped when I've literally...
(I thought the end of your sentence was going to be:) '...had a BF living with me / gotten married'@Dreamwhisper
The OP's experience is really not unusual if you're a single woman. As soon as you're shacked up, it occurs a lot less if ever.
It's weird, isn't it?

How often do you actually need to be in the front garden, now that you've painted the wall and winter's coming? Isn't the reality that you'll hardly need to be there at all over the next few months, so the problem won't arise?

Though I must say, I'd be tempted to pop out occasionally, look as if I'm about to start some work out there, and then go back inside as soon as I heard this neighbour's door opening. With any luck he'd get bored with wasting his time.

Maybe he’s lonely. Does he have any family living with him?

Personally I’d probably feel sorry for him and I’d want to make sure he’s ok.

But if it is annoying you then I guess you can either be direct and tell him to stop talking to you. You could say it nicely e.g. “Look I want to say this nicely, but you are making me feel uncomfortable by always coming up and talking to me every-time you see me, I would appreciate it if you would please stop”

or, you could just do as a PP said and put your earphones in and pretend you don’t know he’s there and if he does talk to you, you could be dry and just say you don’t have time to talk right now and say you have to go. He’ll probably get the message eventually

OP
Sounds awful.

Have an informal chat with police and do a Claire's law on him.

The music for two weeks and your fear warrant that.

Get a video bell.

It should provide proof that he never allows you in your garden in peace.

Give OP your address, she can send him round to you for some company and your sweet smile. 🙄

@NoNonsenseinNorfolk Does the phrase 'tongue in cheek' mean anything to you?😂

@MysteryBelle What a strange post- all this because a neighbour made conversation?