What to do with male neighbour

@Deemarie11 I really feel for you because I have been in this situation and it was horrible. I was like you, checking for him before i left my house. His behaviour escalated to him removing the 6ft fence between our back gardens, knocking on my door then smashing up his house when i ignored him. (Next door, thin walls) It turned out he was a registered sex offender & a danger to women. He eventually moved away and it was 1 of the happiest days of my life. I didn't find out he was a sex offender until after he moved away. He made me so anxious & uncomfortable.

When it was me, to be honest, I just stopped using my garden and if I had to mow the lawn I always tried to get a friend or family member to come down and sit in garden with me. I ignored him as much as I could and stopped using the garden where he moved the fence. I made it as obvious as I could that I did not want to talk to him. I would pretend to be on the phone if he tried to talk to me. I also only mowed the lawn when his car would be away and when I seen him coming back I would go in my house until he was in his. For me, moving wasn't an option but if it was, I would of moved. I was scared of him and I was even more scared of the people he associated with so I genuinely felt stuck in that situation. Sorry you are going through it.

I think you need to get a grip

These men bashing threads are getting boring. Poor bloke is probably lonely and just wants someone to speak to. I can almost guarentee he cant read your mind. So unless you tell him you dont want to talk then how is he supposed to know? Saying he fancies you is jumping the gun abit unless he's actually told you that?

Another suggestion. Always have your keys ready to open your front door when you get home. 1, less time for NDN to pop out 'for a chat' and 2, you can get into your house quickly if he is hanging around outside.

I chat to my neighbours and am happy to do so but will say firmly, must go, shopping to unpack/expecting a phone call/mustn't keep you hanging around in the cold. They are all great and similar to me but I have in the past had a troublesome neighbour. It was hellish so I do sympathise, they can be very thick-skinned!

I do this too. These days I've become lackadaisical but usually I try and change details and I especially change details if I write about anything even vaguely work related.

They have two children who they mistreat in public but that wasn’t the point of my post 🙄

I wouldn’t take in the package. If he asks just tell him you forgot/went out/fell asleep.

I’d also keep the phone handy and pretend it just rang when he walks over. Wave it at him; “sorry, I have to take this” then go inside.

Also “sorry, I’m working and have to finish this up quickly so I can’t chat. Have a good day.”

Eventually he will leave you alone. It’s not easy, but you can usually find a way to put people off without coming across as unfriendly. I still smile and wave, but am always too busy to talk.

Cue, lots of young single men having similar experiences with creepy, intimidating, overbearing older women?
Maybe not.

This is a good idea too, along with camera that records.

Can you get fences that are taller or with trellis so he can't overlook. Then ignore any contact.
Ultimately you will be happier in a property that is not overlooked I think.
Good on you for owning a house at 30! I'm 29 and this is a distant dream for me...

This type of thing only ever happens to single women.
Isn't that strange?

YANBU. Majority of people who are voting YABU probably haven't lived alone. It can be frightening living alone and having neighbours like this. Agree with the headphone approach! Keep yourself to yourself, avoid eye contact etc or be on the phone x

@Deemarie11 How often does this occur?
I did post a tongue in cheek post about getting rid of your lawn and not needing to do so much gardening now it's November....

but, being serious, is this once a week? Once a month? Not recently as it's dark now by 5pm?

Have you thought of talking to neighbours on the other side of you about this?

They may know him better as you have only been there for a year.

@stuntbubbles Maybe the age change is that a 30 year old sounds more vulnerable than a 38 year old, but TBH we don't know how old @Deemarie11 is!
She could ne 28, 30, 38, 48!

He sounds lonely to be honest, probably just wants a chat. You sound quite uptight, if you don't want to talk to him you could politely say "not got time to chat, sorry". I don't think he's doing anything wrong as such. Taking parcels for neighbours isn't exactly a great hardship. Maybe move to London I hear they are rude and don't like to chat.

I do think people are good at picking up sexual interest. So, if you think he's being creepy, I wouldn't ignore that feeling.

I am generally a people pleaser, but in your situation, I would probably tell him point blank that I don't want to talk / want space when I'm in my garden.

Being neighbourly goes both ways. He is not respecting your privacy. You don't owe him a conversation every time you see him.

@Dreamwhisper I was talking about neighbours.
The kind of things the OP is experiencing only ever happened to me when I was living on my own. Never ever ever ever happened when I was living with a BF. Funny that.

All the pp saying he’s just being friendly etc, have you never met someone who sets off your stay away senses? Who creeps you out? Who makes you feel really uncomfortable? That’s what I get OP as describing. It may look like friendliness but there’s something about him that scares her. That doesn’t mean she is weird or unfriendly, it means she has awareness telling her to be wary.

OP I agree with previous pps, get a ring doorbell, talk to the other neighbours if you see them and try to make excuses to leave if he comes out to talk to you. Make sure the doorbell ( or cctv) covers where he stands so it can be used as evidence if you need to take it further.

He sounds awful. Do you feel unsafe or that he has the potential to escalate his behaviour or become dangerous? His actions do not sound like someone who is bored or lonely looking for a neighbourly chat, it sounds more predatory to me. Sorry you are in the horrible situation feeling under threat in your own home!

Hopefully you won't need to be in your front garden too much in the winter months if the painting is done, lawn doesn't need mowing, plants are dormant etc so he'll have fewer opportunities to manufacture an encounter. In the meantime get your strategy in place.

Also, front of terraces is fairly public and others may have noticed what he's doing. It would be worse if he was harassing you in the back garden! You don't want to mix and that's fine but it's worth making allies of other nice neighbours.

Look, I’ve got lovely neighbours: one’s downstairs in my house right now, fixing my leaky dishwasher. I trust him enough that I’m in bed and have just woken from a nap; he’s got a key to come in and out with plumbing parts. My trust is nothing to do with the fact he’s my neighbour, it’s just a nice bonus he’s a nice neighbour. There’s literally no reason on earth why the random selection of people around you in neighbouring houses should all be liked and trusted: great when you get on and can hold each other’s spare keys, take in parcels, look out for each other. Hell on earth when they’re intent on harassing you, as with OP’s neighbour.

Everyone has to live next door to someone: Fred West and Ian Huntley and Harold Shipman were all people’s neighbours! “Neighbour” isn’t code for “what a brilliant human”. In the case of OP’s neighbour, he’s obviously a bullying twat targeting her as she lives alone.

Stop gaslighting her with “what a shame” and calling her weird. And as for having different details in different threads, don’t we all do that to avoid being outed? If you search me, my DC change in number and gender on a daily basis.

What is it that's vile about this couple? Is it that they try to talk to you, or something else that makes them vile, in your opinion?

Exactly