What to do with male neighbour

I don't understand the problem? You're nervous and frightened because a male neighbour asked you to take a parcel in for him? Wtf?!

I firmly believe in following your instincts, this man is giving off vibes you’re picking up on. You do not have to be nice, kind or even polite, given how intrusive he’s being. Ignore those PP saying you’re being dramatic and other such stuff. Instincts, especially in women, are there for good reason.

You’ve had great advice on this thread about speaking up for yourself. Don’t let this bloke intimidate you into moving house and all the hassle that come with it.

Take very good care of yourself.

I had and elderly "lovely" neighbour lure me into his apartment when I was in my 20's and we were chatting and my hair suddenly stood on absolute end.

Terrifying, as I didn't understand, but something was screaming at me to get the hell out of there.

I backed my way out and completely avoided him ruthlessly afterwards.

I was sharing the flat two floors above and I moved a couple of months later.

Gavin de Beckers book The Gift of Fear, joined the dots for me.

Its such a cheap book. A great gift for every young man or woman.

Listen and understand your gut.

Me too.

I can't be arsed reading the posts.

Poor OP.

He's a creepy fxxk and if she was my daughter he wouldn't know what hit him because I would be all over the police as he is harassing her as far as I am concerned and I wouldn't be having it.

Not for a minute.

I too can’t understand how many people are telling OP that he is just being friendly. He isn’t. He isn’t just bumping into her at the front of the house now and again , he goes out with some pretence EVERY time she is in the garden .
Even if he is a very nice man this would get on my nerves . My next door neighbours are lovely but I don’t go out chatting to them whenever they are doing a bit of gardening . I don’t blame OP for thinking of moving , in fact I think she should .

You can also tell the delivery person that you are not taking in any parcels for anyone. I've done that before now as I didn't want contact with the old next door neighbour. Then the card through his door would have the details of the person who had taken the parcel in and he'd have no excuse to knock your door. Also ask the other woman in her garden if he used to do the same thing to her and how she dealt with it.
I'm quite blunt and would just tell him I don't want to talk to him or just ignore him. They do try again but if there is no response from you ever, they stop doing it.

OP He makes you uncomfortable and you are clearly worried about the effect of being too polite will be encouraging him and equally worried about his reaction to you rebuffing him.
Why are people saying the man is just lonely and The OP should be more friendly?
He is creeping OP out and she should trust her gut. She has NO obligation to entertain him in anyway. The fact that he went on about being out for the parcel and then returned home 30 mins later is another example. The loud music behaviour after saying she is busy is another issue.

OP I think PPs ideas of fencing with high trellis and tall plants, a ring doorbell, and having an unofficial chat with community police for advice, making sure you have a door chain etc might make you feel a bit more secure.

I also think that getting to know your other neighbours is a very good idea and you should actively pursue it. It will make you feel less isolated and he will know that you have people around you. There is safety in numbers.

@stuntbubbles It’s not the job of women to solve random men’s unhappiness. He has the same access to the internet, hobbies, sport, colleagues, friends, online dating as the rest of us. His problem to solve.

@Deemarie11 It is not our job to ease random men's loneliness. Especially if that man is creepy, nasty, horrible.

You are both right.

@Deemarie11 I would only add: even if that man is not creepy, nasty, or horrible, it is still not your job. YANBU. And if this guy is large and imposing as well, making you feel threatened, you might well find that avoiding any sort of dispute and moving away is your best option. Life is too short to be next to a neighbour you strongly dislike, especially if it is difficult to avoid interacting with them.

@peachescariad

YANBU - all this 'be kind' and 'being neighbourly' bollox is a total shit. Ignore it all. He sounds like a total weirdo. He's not lonely and even if he is, who gives a fuck?!

THIS! As a few posters have said on this thread, WHY are women expected to be support vessels, listening ears, and emotional punchbags, for random men who they don't even know?! WHY do they have be their friend, and support them, and generally spend their time being badgered and mithered by these men? And if they don't want to comply (understandably!) they are called 'unkind' and 'unfriendly' yada yada yada! I mean da wimminz MUST #bekind at all costs! Fucking hell!

As I said further back in the thread, MEN do not get the same kind of shit, for refusing to engage with people mithering and pestering them to talk, EVERY TIME they go out of the front door.

In addition, these odd and entitled little men who badger single females when they are out will never - EVER do it to another man. Very often not to married women either. Maybe once or twice, before they realise they are not single maybe... but it will very likely NOT be a targeted and continual torrent of harassment.

As I said earlier in the thread too, I was badgered, hounded, followed home, verbally abused, hit on, asked out (and called a slag/frigid/a cunt etc when I said no) NUMEROUS times when I was single and living alone in my early 20s. NO MAN has targeted me constantly like this, since being with my husband - (over 30 years.)

Single women should not have to be dealing with this fucking shit! And in addition, they should also not be having to deal with people - WOMEN mostly - scolding them for not BEING KIND to the poor lonely iccle menz! Just do one eh?!

@Deemarie11 I would also seriously consider reporting this man to the council for noise nuisance. Keep a diary.

@Deemarie11 Your last few posts between 10.50 and 11.02 today are excellent. Look after yourself. Hope this is sorted eventually - soon!!! (((HUGS)))

Well said and YANBU - all this 'be kind' and 'being neighbourly' bollox is a total shit. Ignore it all.

He sounds like a total weirdo. He's not lonely and even if he is, who gives a fuck.
Personally I'd avoid going out to potter in front garden for a while and wear ear pods if you do.

He'll get the message and go back in to his dodgy websites. 😬

I think he’s just being sociable, maybe he’s lonely and is desperate for a chat with someone, anyone 🤷🏻‍♀️

You'd move house to avoid...talking to your neighbours?? 🤦‍♀️

*unwatch, not unpatch

Awful getting harassed on an anonymous forum where you can literally "unpatch" a thread and ask not to receive notifications, isn't it.

I wonder what it would be like for someone to constantly harass you in your own front garden every time you left the house . . .

Touché!

😁

when did it become creepy to talk to a neighbour?

When someone says "Don't worry, I'm not going to rape you."

He obviously knows she isn't comfortable with him appearing EVERY SINGLE TIME SHE IS IN HER GARDEN, but instead of thinking "I'll give her some space and privacy and mind my own damn business for five minutes" he continues to go out, engage her in unwanted conversation, and intimidate her.

That’s suggestive of making the whole thing up. If the age isn’t relevant you could just not mention it. If it is it makes no sense to change it.

The idea that someone could identify you from your age is fanciful.

I think in this scenario I would opt for a combo of making myself look increasingly unattractive, and less sane, all the time maintaining friendliness. The goal being to make him simply less interested. I'd start over sharing details designed to be offputting, and maybe escalating into unreasonable rants about things. Men who are overly entitled, domineering gasbags tend to want women to be ladylike and may well be put off by "unladylike" behaviour.

Of course it's easy for me to say what I think I'd do but I've not met the man and so can't experience the gut feelings he creates.

I hope you can find a way round this issue without having to move out.

I feel like he is just being friendly or may be he is a bit lonely and is just trying to be nice. He probably thinks he's being neighbourly, I don't particularly think anything you have written means he's a creep. Or maybe he thinks you're on your own and he might want to make sure you know you have neighbours you can speak to/call upon. Not all male 50 year old neighbours are creeps just because they like to come chat.

So you've chosen to disregard the noise harassment he subjected her to when she didn't play nice? Once again for those hard of thinking - women are not support humans for dysfunctional males!