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What to do with male neighbour

334 replies

Deemarie11 · 10/11/2022 12:58

I'm 30 l live alone in a small terraced house. I've been living here for one year. Next door to me lives a man in his late 50s. We have nothing in common. We would say hello the odd time but thats it. The houses don't open right onto the street. We have a very small front garden, walls and gate each.

My front garden is very small, it's not something you would sit in. So I am only ever in it to mow my small lawn, paint the small walls etc.

Any time that I am EVER in my front garden, my male neighbour will come over right to my walk, to talk to me.

Last time I was mowing my lawn, he came out of his house, came over to my walk and started talking to me about something.

Today, I was painting my small wall in my front garden. He came over right to my walk and said "hey! I'm expecting a package. Will you take it in. They said they'd leave it with a neighbour".

I didn't want to but I said yes even though I didnt want to, as I was nervous and trying to get him to go away. He will probably be over to me later looking for it, which causes more stress for me.

I'm starting to be nervous every time I go out in my front garden, I kind of dash in and out as I know he will be straight over. He is creeping me out. I literally cannot go in my garden and do one simple thing without him coming straight over. It's giving me anxiety. If I saw my female neighbour across the road doing gardening, I wouldn't go straight over , lean over her wall and start talking to her. I know I would be intruding on her privacy. He does it every single time. It's really giving me anxiety. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Chesterdrawsseriously · 10/11/2022 13:23

ChickinBell · 10/11/2022 13:16

Just tell him it's very intrusive him stepping over the wall everytime you are out in the garden , there's no need for it
Be direct

I don’t think he’s doing that, I think he comes over to talk to her/

op is there a back story here in why you are scared and unable to deal with this. Yes he probably fancies you, is looking for reasons to talk to you . Do you have any one who can advocate for you if you’re unable to to it yourself ? If you are able to thru it Is best to be direct. Just say no excuse me and walk back in. Every single time. He will stop. Or as another person said. Wear headphones. If he comes over Just shake your head and go in. Do not Interact. Do not take parcels in. If you can muster it just say please don’t speak to me again.

DashboardConfessional · 10/11/2022 13:22

I'd probably stick earphones in and pretend to be on the phone, so he has to stand there awkwardly then go away. Twice or three times should do it.

CloudybutMild · 10/11/2022 13:22

He’s doing what normal neighbours do, he likely doesn’t know that you are so unfriendly so don’t want to talk.

picklemewalnuts · 10/11/2022 13:21

You don't owe him eye contact, you aren't obliged to pause when he speaks or give him any attention at all. Just carry on with what you are doing.

I know it feels rude. But it's ok.

nannyquestion1 · 10/11/2022 13:20

Smile briefly, ignore apart from absolutely essential questions. Don't look at him at all.

SnowyPetals · 10/11/2022 13:19

I would go with a brief wave and hello, followed by "Well, must get on" and turn my back on him.

Deemarie11 · 10/11/2022 13:19

I do think some men fully expect that their female neighbours are absolutely obliged to talk to them.

They never think that they might be scaring/upsetting their female neighbours. No, they are the men so they think they are entitled to talk to women.
I think there is a creepy flirty element to it. He comes up with so many excuses to come over and talk to me.
I wouldn't mind if he did it once. He does it every single time.

Starting to feel really unhappy in this house.

OP posts:
ChickinBell · 10/11/2022 13:16

Just tell him it's very intrusive him stepping over the wall everytime you are out in the garden , there's no need for it
Be direct

picklemewalnuts · 10/11/2022 13:04

The easiest non confrontational, beginner's response is to wear headphones and work at avoiding eye contact with him.

If he were to be so incredibly rude as to tap you on the shoulder or pull your ear piece out in an attempt to force you to pay attention, then give a startled scream. 'OMG you scared the life out me! What the hell were you playing at!'.

If you are prepared for the above, you may feel better about it- you have a p,an, so to speak.

But generally the answer is to do with female socialisation. Stop feeling obliged to smile, and respond nicely. Just grunt, look at him coldly, ignore.

We're trained to encourage people to approach us, they are trained to assume it's welcome. We both need to change our ways!!