What to do with male neighbour

Ah.

”MAN HERE”

🤮🤮🤮

@wildthingsinthenight
I'm not confused in the slightest. My reply stated I understand that not everyone likes chatting, so I absolutely know it's not about how I feel, thank you.
My point was that moving was an overreaction given that she hasn't even tried to tell him she feels uncomfortable. She's agreed to take his parcel. Has chatted previously. Surely the first thing to try is to stop the chat, not move. That was my point.

Answer the door for the parcel - tell the delivery person that you refuse delivery and ask them to note down that you will not accept packages for his address.

Headphones - even if you aren't listening to anything. When he starts talking, lift one headphone, shake your head and say 'Not now.' Don't say sorry. Don't smile politely. Don't listen. Headphones back on, go back to your work. Repeat as often as you need. 'Not now.' 'No time.'

Note down every interaction. Save it in case his behaviour escalates.

Talk to the people across the street. Talk to your other neighbours. No one wants to be bothered all the time but they won't mind occasionally chatting. Tell them he's scaring you. They may know something.

This

Exactly. And as for someone else exploring the horrible man’s intrusiveness? Good God.

🤮

You basically need to pretend to be someone else. An agressive, confrontational person. Next time he creeps out and starts chatting say to him 'I'm busy, you better make it quick' and give him a hard stare.

Explore HIS reasons? Are you for real?

You seem confused as to what this post is about.
It is about OP and her feeling harrassed, upset and intimidated by her neighbour's inappropriate preoccupation with her.
Please don't belittle her feelings by saying how YOU would feel. This is about how SHE feels.

I’d say “oh, that’s my landline ringing, excuse me” and don’t go back out if he’s still there.

He may be lonely and not realise the upset his actions are causing.

say your heading off out soon if you don’t want to take a parcel in.

maybe get to know if he’s got regular going outs and make a point of doing the garden things then.

Definitely get a ring doorbell, if the parcels not come don’t open the door,

I have one of these, OP. I started off being friendly before I realised he was a pest. I now just get on with doing exactly what I'm doing while he tries and fails to converse with me. I'm not rude as such - I just say "mmm", and "right" every now and then if I come into his orbit, with the occasional "Sorry, I don't have time to talk", or "I really must get on with what I'm doing". I don't make eye contact. He eventually gets bored and goes to bother someone else.

I second headphones when in the garden (even if you are not listening to anything - he doesn't know that) and pretend not to hear him and when you do, make out it's interrupting your listening and just be short and polite - "oh, hi, sorry I am listening to a really interesting podcast"

Re the parcel - when he comes for it, when you answer the door, pretend to be on the phone to someone, hand the parcel over, smile and close the door. He should start getting the message.

Freeze him off.

It's really not hard.

Oh so dramatic ! Just ignore him then, just sounds neighbourly and obviously your not !

Let's explore the most likely reasons he wants to talk to you:
1. He is being a friendly neighbour.
He might think that he is helping by being a friendly voice especially given that you live on your own.
My wife is like this she knows everyone down the street and is astounded when I don't know half of them. She makes extra effort with the people that live on their own (usually by offering my services - cutting their lawn etc etc).
2. He fanices you.
He may be flirting because you are undoubtedly attractive to him given the age difference.
A lot of older men do this and wouldn't see it as harmful as they know they've no chance and often don't consider it as flirting. Just a conversation with them gives them a little boost. Again there are a few of the old boy neighbours that mildly flirt with my wife. Whilst certain women can fend this off there are a lot that will feel uncomfortable with this behaviour.
3. He is lonely and wants to make a friend.
I assume that he is living alone and if he is in his late 50's then he is most likely going to be feeling lonely. In this case, both reasons above could also be possible.

All options sound as though they could be as plausible as each other. All neighbours are different. We take parcels in for several houses, especially as we both WFH. We like chatting with the neighbours but, understand that some chat more than others.

The lady across the road will purposely take her dog for a walk as soon as I take mine, I believe it's because she feels safer. There are of course boundaries, if he is made aware of the boundaries and doesn't stop that's when I would say there is a problem in this scenario. I suspect you feel that he fancies you and is a threat, this is why it is important the signals you give him are clear.

Eurgh I have a a neighbour a bit like this. I thought he was just being friendly until I noticed that if I was on my own he’d try to engage me in conversation but if DH was with me he would just nod or half wave. Luckily he is a few doors away on the other side of the street so I just walk at a brisk pace, say ‘morning’ from a distance but don’t slow down or engage any further. He seems to be getting the hint.

Just stop what you're doing every time and go inside your house. Say "excuse me" first if you're too scared to just walk off. If he doesn't take the hint you will have to be blunt and tell him "I'm not interested" or "can you go and talk to someone else please?" and ride out the discomfort when he falls back on "I was only being friendly...".
It's not normal to feel this level of fear about a situation like this though that you're too afraid to say no about taking in a parcel. Time to be an adult and advocate for yourself.

I don’t like interacting with my neighbours either.

You need to be very blunt/borderline rude. If he comes over say hello and then ‘I’m really not able to talk right now’ and then just turn away and ignore. If your doorbell rings, ignore. Next time you see him ignore him. Every time he comes over just look at him blankly and say ‘I’m really busy’ and turn away.

I had to do this with a neighbour, they don’t bother me anymore. And get a ring doorbell if you like but otherwise unless you are not expecting anyone just ignore, I do!

I think you need to get a bit angrier about this intrusion on your daily life, and then channel that into your next interaction with him.

Right now he's being controlling and overbearing but if you bite back a bit he will probably get a sulk on and then you'll have some peace.

Headphones is a good idea, maybe with a hat so he can't catch your eye. And if he does finally manage to get your attention, be rather short and rude with him, give him a cold stare, flat expression like you're barely containing your irritation. He won't like it, but what can he do about it?

If the OP says she feels like moving, then that is how she feels. We are not in a position to judge. I can understand how she feels.

Stop trying to gaslight the OP she knows how she feels. He's making her uncomfortable.

Has anyone read Milkman?

Don't answer the door to him tonight. Don't worry if he knows you are in. Leave parcel outside his door with a note saying you can't accept any more.

Don't be polite. Next time he comes over: 'sorry to be rude but I just want to get on with mowing the lawn/painting in peace.' If he doesn't stop go inside. Don't worry about being rude to him he's using it against you, you are allowed to be rude.

Enforce your boundaries and be explicit if you have to.' That's enough now, I'd like to be left alone'.

@Cam22 I understand that. I like meaningless chit chat, others don't.

My point was that it seems a bit of an overreaction for pp to say they'd consider moving. Just say "I haven't got time to chat" if you don't want to. I really don't see why selling your property is the only option!
OP hasn't told him that she can't chat and has said that she'll take his parcel in for him. How is he supposed to know she's uncomfortable with it, if he's not been told?

Yes agree with previous poster about a ring door bell or security camera. He’s forcing interactions and not reading the room. If he is an utter creep then it will provide you with enough evidence. I’ve had neighbours who would watch for me going out or coming back and come out as well and over time it becomes intimidating and controlling.

Exactly.

I have found it useful to speak in firm loud gruff tones.
Don’t worry about being polite, you have the right to enjoy your garden without being pestered. Give yourself permission to be rude, you need to stop his own rudeness.
Breathe deeply
Muster your courage
Imagine you are going out into the battlefield
Stand up tall
Have a confident stride
Use a gruff lower tone (more authoritative)
Speak loudly
Think yourself predator not prey
Take your pick of whichever phrases you want, or use your own, just make sure it is decisive and clear you want no further contact
”You must excuse me, I am constantly busy and never have time to chat/take parcels.”
”Please do not interrupt me in my garden”
”I have a lot on, I prefer to keep to myself”

Again, d not worry about what he thinks of you, what is more important is that you disabuse him of the idea that you are an easy target, this will command respect. Take charge of the situation! You have every right.

That’s fine for you. The OP doesn’t find it fine. Nor would I. For one thing many people prefer privacy instead of engaging in meaningless chitchat.